There's something I have to say to a lot of poeple here.

[EveWasFramed]

I'm sorry...Im not trying to be rude, but I actually laughed out loud at the suggestion that people CHOOSE to have the issues that make them unhappy.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I'm sorry...Im not trying to be rude, but I actually laughed out loud at the suggestion that people CHOOSE to have the issues that make them unhappy.

Oh, I love that line of reasoning. Everything bad that happens to us is because we made bad choices? Please, that's just "blame the victim" reasoning in a new package.

It's never that simply cause-and-effect. People get caught in the cross-fire all the time.

 

[Steel]

Also, a lot of people here seem to be normal people with a lot of intellect, only they spend all their time in their house afraid to go outside. I was forced inside my house one summer after surgery and of course I was the only person in town without a nice summer tan. (and with paleness being a huge stigma for me since I was little) I had to go outside eventually to get ready for the next school year. It’s actually really easy to tell who’s been cooped up inside their own room on looks alone. When I finally got up enough nerve to leave, I felt like EVERYONE I SAW WAS STARING AT ME AND JUDGING ME. It SUCKS, I know. I purposely avoided so many people so they wouldn’t think I was some hermit in old clothes and skin problems. I eventually got through it, though. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

...what makes someone look like a creep / unapproachable? Well, <b>the things that made some of you guys look creepy were:
pale skin (vitamin D from sunlight gives off a healthy glow on your skin EVEN if you’re still pale)...</b>

Others have addressed many of the points you've tried to make, so here's a random one: As a pale-skinned person, I found this offensive. I don't look creepy, thankyouverymuch, and my first reaction upon seeing a pale person is not that he or she is creepy.

In my opinion, leathery, overly-tanned skin on a person who is naturally fair-skinned, is unattractive.

Creepiness has to do more with attitude than simple physical appearance.

LMAO! Of course, it's obvious, we should aspire to melanoma

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Others have addressed many of the points you've tried to make, so here's a random one: As a pale-skinned person, I found this offensive. I don't look creepy, thankyouverymuch, and my first reaction upon seeing a pale person is not that he or she is creepy.

In my opinion, leathery, overly-tanned skin on a person who is naturally fair-skinned, is unattractive.

Creepiness has to do more with attitude than simple physical appearance.

LMAO! Of course, it's obvious, we should aspire to melanoma

Pre-cancerous = not-creepy.

Good to know.

 

[EveWasFramed]

omgroflmao!!!

 

[Coverage]

I feel that your overall point has been lost due to the amount of harsh language you put in your post. Tough words can be useful at certain times, however they rarely transfer well to typed forum posts where people will see it as an insult more than anything else.

I dont disagree with all of your points, however situations are not always as black and white as you make it out to be.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

mmmm...there's also another saying in recovery...
"Ya can't beat it into me"

No matter if the message is with good intent...no matter what values, ideas or morals
Most people are visual learner.

I've read plenty of books in my life time...I came across many, many good pionts.
I've been in recovery for almsot 20 years...I gained plenty of living tools and copping skills in those years.
I have to find what works for me and what works for me dosn't necessary mean it will work for others.
Ultimately there's only one person that's going to change my life...that would be me.
I only have control over me. Even certain things in my life that worked at one point will not work at other piont.
No matter what knowlege, experince I've gain in life...it simply won't rub off on them.

And this is about where I am at in my recovery. I don't tell people or newcomers anything.
There's plenty of books and literature avaliable if they want to inform themselves.
I can only share my epxerince, strength and hope in recovery...I can't tell anyone to do anything nor
tell others what is right or wrong for them.

I've decided and chosen to focus on myself and work on myself.
Live my life to the best of my abilites.
I get up everyday and make a consicious decision and effort to be happy.
Somedays are easier thaN others. Somedays I'll still have my moments or get anxity attacks.
Sometimes I actaully enjoy being alone...it's peaceful for me.
I have plenty of friends and family in my life today.
I'm okay with me at the moment...And no,I don't feel I need to go way..way out of my way to
fit in or be accepted. I don't belive I lack social skills. I have plenty of social skills.

Yes..I also know what it's like to isolate and disconnect myself from the world. I know how painful that can be.
I also know...there were plenty of people tell'in me this or that in those times.
I personally had to get to the piont, no matter what anyone said. No matter how much people wanted me to get well, be happy
and want to live...
I had to want it....not until then...nothing absolutely nothing anyone said or did changed until I wanted it.
And when I wanted it...I bascailly already knew the answer and knew what I had to do.

I've been blessed that I have sometype of a relationship with my ex-wf today.
She means the world to me. I love her very much and I will always love her.
Whatever issues or miss cummunications we had,I'm graTeful we been able to get through them.
I don't expect anyone to understand me nor even agree with what I'm doing.
It's something I needed to do before I die or before she die.
I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this becuase it's something that I wanted and choosen to.
Well...becuase I got to that piont of enough is enough. Enough of the pains, sorrows, guilt, shame and other people's idea
and values of how I should live my life.
I love her very much and that's that...She loves me very much too.

I've gone through a couple of long term relationships since I divorced my wife...It's not as if I didn't know how to move on with my life.
Since I've gone through a couple of relationshipS...it ment somewhere along the line...I've gone through break ups and heartbreaks also...
Which also means I know how to get over a woman...if I've been in relationshipS

As far as this forum...I've met plenty of nice, loving and supportive people on here.
They help me and encouraged me to get through whatever it was I needed to get through.
You don't see alot of it get post on the threads...they PM me or e-mail me. Some had even called me when I needed someone to talk to.
On top of that...they made me laugh and smile a lot. I really needed that.
I gained friends here. I chosen this site as I've chosen certain recovery meetings or support groups to partiscipate in.
This site have been benifical to me. I have no guilt nor shame posting on here.

 

[Wyrm]

Although you have good intentions, they seem to be misguided and not very well-thought out..... and that's ok, I've posted on forums due to how I feel and then realize I shouldn't have said those things (not on here though, I mean everything I've said here). I myself post my methods and approach to help others, though somewhat more so to help lonely guys only because I can relate to them a bit more.

The "tough love" approach won't work on everyone because there are many different reasons why people are here: some have mental and/or emotional problems, some have had some sort of traumatic experience in their life, some are in a very unfavorable family situation (like I was), and the list goes on.

Part of healing involves letting out one's emotions......... and there's no way around it. It's great that this forum allows us to express our feelings to others who are experiencing social hardships as well. It might "stink of negativity" because some sections are sort of a dumping ground for the more foul things that are bothering us..... and that's a great thing, because we want to let it out, not keep it bottled up. I can say that putting my thoughts down in writing and letting them out was an extremely important aspect of coming out of my depression, healing, and moving forward.

Oddly enough, I joined this forum at the point where my depression was ending. That was the hardest phase of my depression because I suddenly found myself more free, but at the same time very isolated and alone. Being in the depression was horrible, but it seemed easier to be in that state than when I had suddenly broken free and gotten to the other side, not knowing how to handle things quite yet . So I googled "lonely forum" and I found this place.