tired of humanity

[Ninjami]

hi, i registered last night but had been waiting all this time for a registration confirmation or something .... never came so i tried logging in and here I am - thank you . been having a really rough couple of months, capped by today when i found out that one of my best friends chose another friend over me, but used the other friend to "let me down gently" ..... aren't we supposed to be past this when we're in our 30s and 40s? yet i let this bother me, because it hurts. people are so cruel. i try to be a good friend, try to care about people. instead, i learned that people only care about others as long as others are "useful" to them. once we stop being useful to others, they stop caring about us. i'm married, have kids, and even my kids are learning the same thing about life and people - people only care as long as you're useful. after your usefulness is gone, so are the people who supposedly cared so much about you. when you have something that others want, they "love" you. when you stop being a commodity, a resource - everyone leaves. so i have lost two more "friends" today, who weren't really friends after all, and i am thinking that none of the people i called "friends" were really friends at all.   i found this place by looking for a forum for lonely people. you can be surrounded by people, in groups and all, and still be lonely if no one actually cares about anyone else. this forum seems to be a place where people have conversations and people care about each other. will see ...... hoping there are some people in this world that still have a heart. hoping everyone is well today, wishing everyone peace. <3

 

[Lacrecia]

Well don't you like yourself because it's useful to you? There is negative and positive sort of usefulness, it's not totally negative.

Welcome to ALL

 

[roy1986]

Hi,

Welcome,
I am glad to know that a man like you is a father, so you probably teach your children some moral values that others choose to ignore, especially regarding friends and love ones.

You are correct that some people are clinging to their friends just because they have something that they want, just a while ago 1 of my so-called friends gave me a phone call after years of not hearing from him, he even got married and had a kid during that time.
What disappointed me was that all he wanted from me is to get some advice on how to move to my field... , stupid me even sent his CV to people at my company

However, I tend to believe that some people are genuinely good and kind, I think I've met one and we have been good friends for several years.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

hi, i registered last night but had been waiting all this time for a registration confirmation or something .... never came so i tried logging in and here I am - thank you . been having a really rough couple of months, capped by today when i found out that one of my best friends chose another friend over me, but used the other friend to "let me down gently" ..... aren't we supposed to be past this when we're in our 30s and 40s? yet i let this bother me, because it hurts. people are so cruel. i try to be a good friend, try to care about people. instead, i learned that people only care about others as long as others are "useful" to them. once we stop being useful to others, they stop caring about us. i'm married, have kids, and even my kids are learning the same thing about life and people - people only care as long as you're useful. after your usefulness is gone, so are the people who supposedly cared so much about you. when you have something that others want, they "love" you. when you stop being a commodity, a resource - everyone leaves. so i have lost two more "friends" today, who weren't really friends after all, and i am thinking that none of the people i called "friends" were really friends at all.   i found this place by looking for a forum for lonely people. you can be surrounded by people, in groups and all, and still be lonely if no one actually cares about anyone else. this forum seems to be a place where people have conversations and people care about each other. will see ...... hoping there are some people in this world that still have a heart. hoping everyone is well today, wishing everyone peace. <3

I wish you were wrong. However, in my opinion, you are correct. This is why I have no "friends". Nowadays, and maybe it's always been this way, people seem to be of a hive mind of cruelty and selfishness. A lot of arrested development out there.

 

[Kianda]

H! Welcome Ninjami

This has been my experience about making friends nowadays too. I no longer know what to do about it but I will not put myself at risk anymore.
If I suspect that someone is using me purely to gain some of my hard-earned knowledge the easy way, or to get me to buy something from them with a hard luck story, then I stop contact. It has to be this way because it is too painful to face being rejected as a friend time and time again.

 

[Ninjami]

Thank you for the welcomes . One correction - I'm female and a mother. But yes, I try to help my children notice the forgotten ones and those who have no one. As a result, my kids have adopted stray animals" and the lonely kids in their classes who needed friends. My influence or my kids are just naturally good people, I don't know. But my children do have an eye and a heart for the forgotten ones.

 

[iateallthepies]

Hi and welcome. Totally agree with you that people only want to be friends when it suits them. I have been hurt so many time I prefer chatting to people online and not getting too close. Given up on humanity. So, I hope you stick around.

 

[roy1986]

Thank you for the welcomes .   One correction - I'm female and a mother. But yes, I try to help my children notice the forgotten ones and those who have no one. As a result, my kids have adopted stray animals" and the lonely kids in their classes who needed friends. My influence or my kids are just naturally good people, I don't know. But my children do have an eye and a heart for the forgotten ones.

First of all, allow me to apologize for my mistake , I'm sure you are a wonderful mother. 

You haven't noticed it but you sort of admitted that there are good genuine people out there,  You are one of them and you are educating your kids to be the same and I'm pretty positive that there are more like you.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

hi, i registered last night but had been waiting all this time for a registration confirmation or something .... never came so i tried logging in and here I am - thank you . been having a really rough couple of months, capped by today when i found out that one of my best friends chose another friend over me, but used the other friend to "let me down gently" ..... aren't we supposed to be past this when we're in our 30s and 40s? yet i let this bother me, because it hurts. people are so cruel. i try to be a good friend, try to care about people. instead, i learned that people only care about others as long as others are "useful" to them. 

Absolutely happened to me. I worked with people for years and they weren't even too great to me but I thought they cared enough about me that they wouldn't drop me like a hot potato for LITERALLY anything else. But they did. The lesson learned was that I am only allowed to be a friend if I do what they want. If I demand anything from them, even loyalty, they drop me like a hot potato. Because I am only good as a friend if I do exactly what they want... otherwise, useless.

 

[Ninjami]

People seem nice here so far, thank you for your kind words. <3. Sadly, seems you (ones who have responded) have been traumatized and hurt as much as I have. But in experiencing this ourselves, we also have learned not to treat others this way, as we know how awful it feels to be used and manipulated by others. I also think that many of us are "socially awkward penguins" as my daughter would say. I know I am - I am completely awkward in social situations and am quite adept at making an ass of myself at the worst times.

I believe that two of the worst experiences are seeing the despair and loneliness in another person's eyes and not knowing how to bridge that void (knowing something terrible happened to cause that), and also realizing that people are just using you to get what they want, but don't actually want YOU around, in short, not being loved for yourself. Despair and loneliness, the twin evils of human existence .....

Just my opinion, and I hope I have not offended anyone with my comments, never my intention ...... But I am glad we are all here together in this forum - can keep each other company and be supportive to each other in a world that seeks only to use and manipulate for its own purposes.

---

NinjamiThank you for the welcomes .   One correction - I'm female and a mother. But yes, I try to help my children notice the forgotten ones and those who have no one. As a result, my kids have adopted stray animals" and the lonely kids in their classes who needed friends. My influence or my kids are just naturally good people, I don't know. But my children do have an eye and a heart for the forgotten ones.

First of all, allow me to apologize for my mistake , I'm sure you are a wonderful mother. 

Roy1986 - no apology needed and no offense taken, but thank you anyway

 

[MisterLonely]

Hello and welcome to ALL,

You sond like a highly empathic person, sadly I sometimes think people like us feel to much to function in today's society, a society where it seems we all need to be cold and harsh to survive and thrive.... Those not capable of pure selffish thought and action are viewed as the weird ones and eventually get left behind...

We are not alone though, there are many who think and act like you do, they are just hard to find and harder to befriend..

Hope you'll find what your looking for!

 

[Hopetracer]

Hi, Welcome to the forum

I really like that you mentioned how we learn not to treat others the same way. It all depends on one's perspective of friendships and I know some of us as a kid had an inclination of friendliness to others. We grow and see how relationships generally function yet it still depends on our perspective and whether we are willing to be firm on our views or let them be changed by others.

Great friends are hard to find and that's why they mean a lot. I'm grateful for those who really care about me. Hope you meet and befriend awesome people who bring the feeling of being connected and cared.

 

[Meaw]

Welcome! You might have one of my favourite names on the forum ^_^ I know, I might be a bit late... but still
I have one friend outside of ALL that lives in another country , and it seems no matter how much I try, the rest of the people in the world gathered on a meeting before I and some others got to Earth and decided which to leave out. It is sad, but I hoper it gets better for you! (Also, you can join the Discord chat, if you haven't already.)