Ugliness

[Sling]

I have a conundrum. To be blunt, I consider myself to be very unattractive. I have wanted to bring this up to my therapist for the past few weeks now. However, we've kind of broached the subject before, and at the time her response was (I'm truncating in a way that's going to make her sound harsh but she really isn't) that I have other things to worry about and that I should put it on the back burner while I deal with some other issues in my life.

But I don't really feel like I can let it go. I feel very self-conscious about myself a lot, I often seem to be comparing myself unfavorably against my friends who I think are better-looking than I am, sometimes I feel almost embarrassed to be around them; sometimes it gets to the point that I don't want to go out or do anything. The idea of asking girls out, as you can surmise, becomes rather absurd to me.

But I feel a little ashamed about thinking about this, because my therapist is right when she says I have other things to deal with in my life. (Nothing catastrophic, it's just that it's true there are multiple things I need to do to improve myself.) I feel kind of silly and guilty that I am worrying about my appearance, especially considering that no one in my social circle is nearly as unconfident in themselves. How do I bring this up with my therapist?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I would just tell her that it's something important that you want to discuss. And that if you both could talk about it, then you'd appreciate it.

 

[Mary Mary]

Try asking her why she doesn't seem to want to talk about it. You seem like a timid person, so you may not be clearly communicating how important it is to you; or she may be deliberately avoiding it for whatever reason a therapist might. You're the boss. You have the right to ask the question.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes. Your therapist is right, but if you really feel you need to discuss it then just come right out and tell her. Maybe she feels once you deal with your other problems you'll start seeing yourself in a different light. Sometimes as human beings we see ourselves as unattractive or undesirable when we are feeling down or bad about ourselves. When we are feeling good those imperfections aren't as noticable.

 

[Mary Mary]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes. Your therapist is right, but if you really feel you need to discuss it then just come right out and tell her. Maybe she feels once you deal with your other problems you'll start seeing yourself in a different light. Sometimes as human beings we see ourselves as unattractive or undesirable when we are feeling down or bad about ourselves. When we are feeling good those imperfections aren't as noticable.

That could be it. Just ask her.

 

[Mr. Sir]

I have a conundrum. To be blunt, I consider myself to be very unattractive. I have wanted to bring this up to my therapist for the past few weeks now. However, we've kind of broached the subject before, and at the time her response was (I'm truncating in a way that's going to make her sound harsh but she really isn't) that I have other things to worry about and that I should put it on the back burner while I deal with some other issues in my life.

But I don't really feel like I can let it go. I feel very self-conscious about myself a lot, I often seem to be comparing myself unfavorably against my friends who I think are better-looking than I am, sometimes I feel almost embarrassed to be around them; sometimes it gets to the point that I don't want to go out or do anything. The idea of asking girls out, as you can surmise, becomes rather absurd to me.

But I feel a little ashamed about thinking about this, because my therapist is right when she says I have other things to deal with in my life. (Nothing catastrophic, it's just that it's true there are multiple things I need to do to improve myself.) I feel kind of silly and guilty that I am worrying about my appearance, especially considering that no one in my social circle is nearly as unconfident in themselves. How do I bring this up with my therapist?

It's good that you are accepting these uncomfortable truths about your looks.

Send me a picture via PM, and I will tell you how to cure it.

As long as you have no medical conditions that cause you to be overweight or have acne, I'm SURE you can fix that.

Looks are made.

 

[Sling]

It's good that you are accepting these uncomfortable truths about your looks.

Send me a picture via PM, and I will tell you how to cure it.

As long as you have no medical conditions that cause you to be overweight or have acne, I'm SURE you can fix that.

Looks are made.

I can't tell if you're a troll or if you really mean the things you say, but I'll never feel badly enough about myself to think your ideas are worth listening to.

 

[Mr. Sir]

It's good that you are accepting these uncomfortable truths about your looks.

Send me a picture via PM, and I will tell you how to cure it.

As long as you have no medical conditions that cause you to be overweight or have acne, I'm SURE you can fix that.

Looks are made.

I can't tell if you're a troll or if you really mean the things you say, but I'll never feel badly enough about myself to think your ideas are worth listening to.

What, how to improve your looks??? There are very objective ways to improve looks.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's good that you are accepting these uncomfortable truths about your looks.

Send me a picture via PM, and I will tell you how to cure it.

As long as you have no medical conditions that cause you to be overweight or have acne, I'm SURE you can fix that.

Looks are made.

I can't tell if you're a troll or if you really mean the things you say, but I'll never feel badly enough about myself to think your ideas are worth listening to.

They aren't worth noting. It's always the same bland solution to many different problems. It's like painting walls the same shade of blue in every house in the city.

 

[Mitternacht]

Have you ever considered taking up some form of exercise like weight lifting? It's a great way to boost self-esteem and that natural high (endorphins) you get after a vigorous workout is known to help with other issues like anxiety and depression. Just an idea.

 

[BosnianUmbrella]

How do you bring it up to your therapist? Do you really even need to ask youself that? You pay that son of a god for christ sake.
Being ugly its something to deal with. If you are ugly you have to be smart or very funny to balance your social/professional/love life..
Thats my view on that...

 

[Depressedology]

just like what Mitternacht said. going to the gym, you'd feel so accomplished, and feel great about your look. it's the reason people go to the gym, to boost their confidence and self esteem.

also, if you gave it a small thought, not sure how old you are, but you seem still young to worry about appearance. because, it's a fact that there are other More important things than look.
I think I used to be like you, but coming to the states, as I'm from eastern asia originally, threw me off the league when it comes to appearances! I've got one ear bigger than the other! and my teeth are each saying hi far apart from the other! < THAT IS UGLY!! hahaha, but c'mon,... girls would be depressed more this not you!
The gym is a step in the positive direction. Other than that, your therapist is right... why don't you open your eyes to the more important stuff than appearance?
if you try to look pretty now, you'll lose it later. but if you built your beauty from the inside, then it will only get prettier as you grow

I give you all the great wishes buddy! stay well

 

[peergyntbb]

I hear your pain and understand it as I go through the same issue(s).
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" they say. So it seems to be that the "beholders" are certainly blind in our case.

 

[Aberlee]

Tell your therapist exactly what you just typed in here. You pay HER, not the other way around. Do all you can to make your looks as good as they can get and then work on your personality. It all any of us can do.

 

[Callie]

I doubt you look as bad as you think you do. I have a similar issue with my own looks. If it's important to you, tell her and stay on topic without her moving it away. If you are able to talk about this issue that is clearly bothering you, you may be able to find a way to get past it and that may help you in other areas.

As for Socrates' offer....PLEASE!!! BY ALL THAT'S HOLY, DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM!!!!!!

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

I hate my smile. I keep my teeth very white and they are straight but I feel like my top teeth are too big.
When I smile...you can only see my top teeth. People tell me it's just in my head because I do have a tendancy to pick at flaws about myself.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I hate my smile. I keep my teeth very white and they are straight but I feel like my top teeth are too big.
When I smile...you can only see my top teeth. People tell me it's just in my head because I do have a tendancy to pick at flaws about myself.

Bunny teeth?

 

[perfanoff]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
It's not been an isolated case where I've grown fond of a quirk in someone's face.
Also, braces. They can be soo cute on a girl.

 

[Blue_Eyed_Symphony]

I hate my smile. I keep my teeth very white and they are straight but I feel like my top teeth are too big.
When I smile...you can only see my top teeth. People tell me it's just in my head because I do have a tendancy to pick at flaws about myself.

Bunny teeth?

No not bunny teeth. It's like my front teeth go over my bottom teeth.
lol even though bunnies totally rock!

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I've been told by more than one woman that I'm unattractive, and the lack of second dates seems to confirm this. Same thing every time. Apparently I look worse in person than I do in my profile pics. Even had one woman stand me up because she saw me and didn't want to waste her time with someone unattractive.