what is it supposed to be like ??

[paulo]

first off a little info than a question that might seem a little strage but if i dont ask ill never know.

i have some emotional issues (emotionally challenged maybe even )
i never realy know or understand what im feeling, so i have to think about it a lot to place my emotions and figure out what and why.

heres my question.
what are you suppost to feel like when your in a relationship ?
just a normal happy working relationship.
i understand it cant be all wonderfull all the time your gonne have issues and argue but still.
i think i still have the idear that it should be like the love story movie thing, all wonderfull and stuff.
but im pretty shure thats not right.

all that being that close to someone does to me is confuse the hell out of me.
and that really doesnt feel good at all.
the deeper i get into it the more confusing it gets.
ill feel worse when i should be getting happier and closer to someone.
all the emotions will get stronger, i know i should be happy but instead i get more confused couse i dont really know what im feeling.
so i end op feeling awful and that screws me up big time.

i know i have some pretty stong ideas of how things should be.
makes it easier to know what i should be feeling in sertain situations.
if i know what to expect i wont be to surprised about what im feeling.
so if its not like i thought it would be i get confused and back of pretty fast usually.

but if im way off on the love thing ill never get anywhere
cause so far its not like i though it would be.

 

[Rosalyn]

This is kinda tough to answer since every relationship is different. I dunno if there's any such thing as a 'normal' relationship, but perhaps you mean average. I've experienced one that was practically like some cheesy-ass film in the way it was always wonderful, and I think people are extremely lucky if they so much as get a taste of a relationship like that. I suppose that the average just leaves you in good spirits most of the time, you'll be smiling a lot and so on, but it isn't like some Disney cartoon.

If you get all confused you might just have been with people who aren't very good at expressing themselves. Maybe you're afraid they will leave you and that's why you get less happy when you get closer to the other person?
Don't look at films and/or compare your relationships to anything else, but form your own special thang.

 

[I'm Fine]

As Rosalyn has already said, every relationship is different. From my OWN experience I can say that, usually, in the early days it's very exciting, new and yes, confusing. You look forward to seeing the person while at the same time being scared of doing something wrong and upsetting them (or maybe that's just me?) and it can be hard separating their feelings from yours (again that could just be me). So yes, I found it confusing.

Maybe you should try talking to them about it? See if they can help/feel the same way? What do you normally do when you're confused? Is there something you can do/place you can go to that helps to center you so you can see how you feel?

I hope that helps. Good luck.

 

[paulo]

actually ive always kept people at a distance.
the last 10 years ive basicly shut myself of to anything more personel than polite interaction with strangers and friends.
as long as it doesnt get to heavy and personel im usually able to figure things out.
i usually just ask if im really stuck.

but if it gets to personal it makes people quite uncomfortable if you start asking ive notised.
im realy bad at picking up signals from other people so yes im always a little afraid of doing something wrong.

i have been with someone for a little while in the past and i do enjoy being close to someone.
but i cant really tell if the relationship isnt working or if i just cant handle things and cause it to end.
not really something you can go back and ask afterwords.

at the moment im mailing a bit with a girl that seems nice.
but sometimes i have a hard time writing to her and im not shure if its because i dont like her enough or if i cant handle the way it makes me feel.
i dont wanne hurt anyone and i cant really trust what i feel cause im not really shure i get it right myself.

some sort of manual would just make it so much easyer
but yeah i gues its different every time and for everyone.

it just seems so easy when you see people together.
but its always so hard when i try it.

 

[I'm Fine]

The thing to remember is that the people you see in the streets having an easy time of it, are actually hiding the confusion etc that they feel. It's not necessarily any easier for them - they just don't show it out where people can see it. I hope that helps.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I have always thought a relationship I might have might be something similar to the relationship I have with my mom since she is the closest person to me emotionally. I hope that doesn't sound weird.

 

[Rosalyn]

^ It sounds a tad peculiar, yet it's perfectly understandable that you'd come to that conclusion.

Sounds like your liking her is making it hard since you say she seems nice.
I don't have the answers for this one, but I do think the answers are within you. Try to be really honest with yourself and try to look back into the past, why (10 years ago?) did I start shutting people out? What kind of issues has that left me with? Abandonment issues? How can I get past those issues? Ask yourself things like that. Remember that Google is your friend becuase the chances are a lot of people have gone through the same thing.

 

[paulo]

i have a real problem reading people, i cant really tell if someone is using me or lying to me or if theyre really being honest.
so i basicly just have to choose to trust someone and take that chance.
and always be causiouse, look for things that arent right.
that can go wrong pretty badly.
i didnt have the time or the energy to do that anymore.
so i didnt and just shut everything out that got to close.

i say she seems nice cause well.. she seems nice.
but i cant really trust myself to see if she really is.
definetly a trust issue.
caused by getting hurt and knowing my limits.

my instinct never really picked up on stuff like that and ill prob never be good at it.
partly because i still dont really understand how people can purpously do such nasty things to other people.
sound really naive and maybe a little stupid but that part of me never really grew up, im still a little kid when in comes to that.

i know there isnt a set of rules for dealing with people.
but anything anyone can tell me might help me spot things that arent right.

 

[Rosalyn]

Nothing you said sounds stupid and there's nothing wrong with being childish. It sounds like you focus too much on what could go wrong and not enough on what's right, other people can sense your withdrawal and it won't be appealing to them, that could explain other people acting oddly towards you. It's tough, but you gotta give everybody a good chance becuase not everybody is gonna stab you in the back. If the girl gave you no reason to distrust her then just trust her.

 

[SophiaGrace]

If the girl gave you no reason to distrust her then just trust her.

Yep. Agree. Though she has to earn your trust first, but one she has it then she has to do something to break that trust. If she hasn't done anything to break your trust and you don't trust her, then it is paranoia.

 

[alonewanderer]

There are signs, the eyes, no matter how hard people think they can control a lie or be deceitful, the eyes always give them away. If you pay enough attention you can actually see the changes occur, I'm not talking about a simple eyelid blink but their eye's will blink, sort of a second pair of eyelids. I can tell a lot from someone's eyes while engaging in a conversation with them, also I'm pretty good at reading body language too.

I can read malice even when they're smiling, excitement when they feign boredom, interest while being deceivingly coy. The eyes give away everything, even the most trained liar's cant hide this.

Also I'm pretty ******* crazy so it could all be in my head.

 

[paulo]

yeh thats no good for me
eyes tell me nothing, same with facial expressions i cant read them verry wel.
its an autism thing.

body language im pretty good at if i pay atention to it, thats something you can learn.

spotting sarcasm and people making fun off or with me im not so good at.
so im not really sure what to make of your post
and it definetly gets a lot harder when people are a little crazy