when dating...when should you have se*

[Sailor Moon]

I truly honestly need advice
Since my parents or family isn't there for me......

Is it ok to date a guy without having se*?
Why do I get turned down if After a couple of dates a guy expectes se*?
Am I doing something wrong?
How long should a woman wait to have se* And should she wait. Until the guy ask her to be her boyfriend ?

I keep getting rejected bc I'm not given the guys a booty call....I want a relationship that's what I keep saying. ..what should I do....I need parents or older men advice or women advice about the dating world. ..I only had one boyfriend. Which is my first ex...

 

[SighX99]

seems like you are around a lot of shitty guys if all of them rejected u cuz of sex. find someone thats decent enough.

 

[Jester2]

I normally agree with 2 or 3 dates. If I were dating someone now, it definitely would not be a deal breaker to have to wait longer. If someone cannot wait longer than a couple of dates; I'd wager there's a good chance that it's not going to last anyway.

 

[joejoeyjoseph]

As you get older, you realize that sex is not really the first thing you're looking for anymore ;-)

If I had to go around dating again I would just be myself completely and make sure the other person is a good fit for me. I would actually be turned off if the other person just kept trying to have sex with me because sex is usually the last step in a good relationship. If it's the first step then what else is there? Not much. No good conversations, no similar interests, no idea who the other person really is or if they're even going to really be there for you - or if you could trust them with your children. Going straight in for sex kind of seems desperate to me now that I'm older. It's either that they need an ego boost or that they want to hook you in. I'm just not into either of those things at all. I'm into meaningful relationships.

 

[Jester2]

As you get older, you realize that sex is not really the first thing you're looking for anymore ;-)

If I had to go around dating again I would just be myself completely and make sure the other person is a good fit for me. I would actually be turned off if the other person just kept trying to have sex with me because sex is usually the last step in a good relationship. If it's the first step then what else is there? Not much. No good conversations, no similar interests, no idea who the other person really is or if they're even going to really be there for you - or if you could trust them with your children. Going straight in for sex kind of seems desperate to me now that I'm older. It's either that they need an ego boost or that they want to hook you in. I'm just not into either of those things at all. I'm into meaningful relationships.

A lot of what you said really makes sense. I think a lot of going for sex is simply just biological urges. There were times where I was surprised how much effort I'd put in until I got my way. It was like I had a hard time controlling myself.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Have sex when you feel ready and not a second before. There are no specific rules or laws in all this, never feel that you must have sex just to keep someone interested and don’t think the boyfriend/girlfriend thing makes the situation acceptable. If you’re not ready, if you feel uncomfortable or unsure then don’t do it, simple as that.

Films and television have crated the "third date" nonsense which sadly a lot of adults (of both genders) subscribe to just as much as teenagers. People will always need rules to follow and this one takes the responsibility out of their hands but believe me nothing is worse in wanting to get to know someone only to have them obsess about having sex with you instead. Heaven forbid you actually develop a relationship and connection first.

 

[Frito Bandito]

There is no specific answer to this question because people - and their wants and needs - are different.

That being said, if you are looking for "love", then you should wait until "love" is there before celebrating that with sex.

 

[Sailor Moon]

I heared of the six month wait rule...lol if a guy can't wait longer then six months his not worth it

 

[Anten]

6 month rule is kinda silly you are stunting the natural flow of the relationship and that elephant in the room is going to just get bigger as time goes on. Also you have no idea of the guy was faithful or not. But I get the logic behind it, in 6 months you get a great idea of who the person is and where their mindset is at.

 

[passage]

I heared of the six month wait rule...lol if a guy can't wait longer then six months his not worth it

That is retarded. Guys want sex, as do women. Do it whenever it feels right, and whenever you know you won't have any regrets about doing it. If a guy wanted sex (on top of a relationship) and waited 6 months, he has low self esteem (unless age is a factor). Personally, I would find another women. There is nothing wrong with (safe) sex.

 

[whispers]

3 date rule is not the way to go, its too early to know if the person is realy interested in you or you in him . however i dont think setting a specific timeline is realistic. about a month is a good indication that the guy cares enough for you, if he has taken the time to get to know you during that month. Love needs to be there not just from your part but you have to feel it from him also.
Trust me when i say , if he is rejecting you because there is no sex, he will reject you after he had it also.
You want to be with a man who will respect you, and he wants a woman he can respect.

 

[Ox Blood]

Sex is a pretty big milestone. As others have said -- sex is when you feel ready. Not only until you feel ready to share that kind of intimacy with another, but also ready to accept the consequences (good and bad) that come with sex.

Pregnancy risks, STD's, informing yourself of birth control methods (condoms, birth control pills, Plan B, IUD's, etc), getting annual STD screening, etc. If a man ever tells you these things are not a big deal... Run. They'll be the first to tap out and disappear the moment you have a pregnancy or STD scare. It's also important to bring up the "what-if" situations. Ex: "If I get pregnant... What happens next?"

Are these things pleasant to talk about? Not really. They can even be romance-killers. Especially since it can bring up some heavy topics, such as asking what someone believes about abortion or asking yourself what you think about it for those "what if" situations. With that in mind -- some people will say anything and everything you want to hear in order to get you to sleep with them.

If you find that you are too "embarrassed" to communicate these things through with the other person or even go to the convenience store to grab condoms -- chances are, you probably shouldn't be having sex in the first place.

 

[Equinox]

There is no "rule" regarding amount of time or number of dates. You should have sex when you feel it's right. If you want it, and you're comfortable with it, then go ahead. If not, then wait. If the guy doesn't accept that you need to wait, he's not worth your time anyway.

 

[ShybutHi]

There is no "rule" regarding amount of time or number of dates. You should have sex when you feel it's right. If you want it, and you're comfortable with it, then go ahead. If not, then wait. If the guy doesn't accept that you need to wait, he's not worth your time anyway.

^
Agree with this.


I think you should not rush into anything but I also think any rules like waiting for 6 months and such is just blowing things out of proportion and rationality. If you feel comfortable with a person and wish to be intimate then go for it... Just make sure you both feel ready by having an honest talk about the subject.

You need to find a guy who is mature and decent enough to view sex as something which is worth waiting for and who is considerate to their partner's opinion. It should be something that you can both talk about as partner's in a relationship and not hold back on your feeling's on the matter.

 

[nerdygirl]

Ugh. I often hear this garbage about the three date "rule". Puh-lease. That isn't even long enough for most people to decide they're ready to be in a relationship, let alone for people to decide it's time to insert tab A into slot B. I don't think I'd even want to kiss a guy after three dates. Have sex when you're ready to have sex. A guy who leaves when you refuse to have sex after three dates is not worth it.

 

[ShybutHi]

Ugh. I often hear this garbage about the three date "rule". Puh-lease. That isn't even long enough for most people to decide they're ready to be in a relationship, let alone for people to decide it's time to insert tab A into slot B. I don't think I'd even want to kiss a guy after three dates. Have sex when you're ready to have sex. A guy who leaves when you refuse to have sex after three dates is not worth it.

Indeed lol. 3 dates? Ahahaha

How on earth can you expect to know someone after only 3 dates. Having sex after just 3 dates is a recipe for disaster if you are wanting to truly find someone for a long term relationship.

Atleast if you do, then dont get really upset when this person just dumps you afterwards because there are alot of ******** out there only looking for sex. They will take it and leave.

In my opinion a relationship is a must before having sex. When to have sex while in a relationship depends on the level of honesty and open communication... It can vary alot.

 

[Ak5]

Agree with other's opinions: Only when you are ready.

 

[Sailor Moon]

There is no "rule" regarding amount of time or number of dates. You should have sex when you feel it's right. If you want it, and you're comfortable with it, then go ahead. If not, then wait. If the guy doesn't accept that you need to wait, he's not worth your time anyway.

^
Agree with this.


I think you should not rush into anything but I also think any rules like waiting for 6 months and such is just blowing things out of proportion and rationality. If you feel comfortable with a person and wish to be intimate then go for it... Just make sure you both feel ready by having an honest talk about the subject.

You need to find a guy who is mature and decent enough to view sex as something which is worth waiting for and who is considerate to their partner's opinion. It should be something that you can both talk about as partner's in a relationship and not hold back on your feeling's on the matter.

I'm not really that smart though....how can I change the topic ..without giving the guy a rude brush off if I'm really interested in him.


I almost dated a lawyer but he said I didn't give him enough attention that he desires...but he wanted a pic every five seconds and he said I'm really touchy and feely type and if you cant meet my needs then I dont want you especially if I'm not getting laid after buying you a meal...I felt degraded and horrible...we like the same games...shows...everything

Like the shoes fits almost everywhere...and he wants to settle down but his ADD I think he told me..he told me I had to entertain him all the time in the relationship and send pics smiling or doing whatever every five secs..i felt like I was on a tabloid

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Equinox is right. Why on Earth is there such a popular opinion that there is a "time" right for sex?

You have sex when you feel completely emotionally and physically comfortable with and around the other person in a relationship. Whether that takes 4 dates or 400 is up to you.

Personally, I don't get how people have casual sex. It'd leave me feeling so scummy and worthless, I just know it. So I'm more of a "take more dates" person than "as soon as possible".

In fact, nearly everyone I know in real life who lost their virginity or had sex when they weren't fully "ready" has a bunch of rather sad regrets they've shared with me. Some remain really quite damaged or jaded by that experience.

Personally, I wouldn't mind dying a virgin. I'd rather not, but at the same time I've got absolutely no desire to rush into anything sexual.

 

[Sailor Moon]

True ...I waited until I was 20 when I lost my virginity..I waited for a long time....I really waited because I really liked this guy my family is friends with and I grew up with...I was gonna wait longer if I knew I can win his heart but sooner or later I got rejected and was called all bad names...and it ended up he fell in love with my fake gold digger sister...sigh*

I dont know...I had a horrible first time experience too so it was shitty...but I didn't let it get me too down....

But yea true I guess I wouldn't be able to wait 6 months either to tell you the truth