theshycynic
Member
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2013
- Messages
- 11
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Eventually I just stop putting in the necessary amount of effort to keep the people that I value in my life. I have a huge issue with guardedness, as i can't let people in to see me for who i truly am. Sometimes i'm scared to hang out with my friends because i feel they'll see me just as i see myself. And that's the last thing that i want to happen. So i'll start responding slower to texts, not answering calls, breaking plans all the time, until they stop trying too. And then i wonder why everything fell a part. I'm all messed up, honestly. For the most part, i'm pretty sure it all stems from me being so guarded, but then i think that it's something else. I'm just not sure of what that something else it. I'm not sure of a lot of things anymore. It's exhausting. I'm 21 and hardly living - i'm just existing and i'm tired. I'm tired of being unhappy, and being the reason for my unhappiness. It's a twisted cycle; neverending. I hope I have a moment of clarity, or a glimpse of peace to give me motivation to change my circumstance, or the courage to be happy and let go of my pain. I don't really see that happening any time soon though, and that's probably why it won't.