Why Am I Different?

I'm an observer. All through out the day I just observe the world around me. I've done this since I was little and now I notice alot of things. Like facial expressions and different thing. This may have nothing to do with what I'm ultimately going to get at in this post, but I felt it should be added.

I rarely feel emotions. Perhaps it's a neurological issue, I'm not sure. but to fit in, I have to pretend to have emotions. I have to put an act on for the world just so I can look normal. Believe me, I am not depressed. I just simply feel nothing. Occasionally, I will feel joy during adrenaline pumping activities. And sometimes I feel fear, especially now because I am going to college in about a year and I am afraid that I'm not going to fit in with everyone there.

I also can't communicate with other people very well. I cannot come up with things to say. I can answer questions all day, I can't come up with any or start conversations. I don't want conversation starters or typical questions to ask people. I'm a listener, not a talker. My mind will blank when I try to think of something to say and it is not because I'm nervous because I am not.

I don't know. I really don't.

The only two things I'm good at is sports and school. Other than that, I fail at everything. I pretty much stay in my head. I would just like to know what it's like to just freely express emotions that you actually possess and to feel something and be able to be a social person.

Depression isnt always about feeling depressed. I know that sounds dumb but just hear me through. Clinical depression is chemical, and your body can react in many different ways. There can be loss of interest, feeling numb, not enjoying what you used to enjoy, or, like you said, feeling nothing. Im not saying you are depressed, and I really hope youre not, but feeling sad is only one symptom. And no matter WHAT you have it seems to not be working for you so some kind of change is needed.

I have a hard time thinking of things to say to people I dont know very well, either, and Im sure there have been a lot of awkward moments in my life when I have tried. Try asking questions instead of making statements. That way you can get someone talking and you can just listen and nod.

I am sure that you are good at things other than sports and school...but lets just say for a minute that its true..

Being good at school means you are smart and well-rounded. This means you are probably going to succeed in life and be able to handle lifes academic and professional challenges. Being good at sports means you are active, a team player, and probably really healthy.

Just being good at those two things are going to take you really really far, and a lot of people dont have either of those things to say about themselves. And like I said before, you are certainly good at other things, especially if you are as smart as I think you are.

Maybe it IS neurological, and finding out if that is true should probably be your first step. But you are SOOOO YOUNG. Youre going to meet a lot of different and interesting people in college that care nothing about popularity or sneakers or passing notes, so just be open to these new experiences as they come.

Good Luck

-K

Hi splynter and welcome to the forums!

I hope you figure out soon why your mind goes blank. Don't you think it's because maybe you're a little nervous or shy?

Well at least you're good in sports and school unlike me

Welcome to the site.