Does going abroad solve loneliness? Are people friendlier overseas?

Hi all,
I've been inspired lately by this Asian American expat who has a site and movement promoting the idea that going overseas will cure loneliness and alienation problems in America. He claims that people are friendlier and more inclusive overseas, and that women are more approachable and down to earth as well, making it easier to get dates. Have any of you found that to be true?

I saw his comparison chart here of key differences between the US and most other countries. They make other countries sound like some kind of a "social/dating paradise". How accurate are these comparisons? I know nothing is 100 percent true or false, so what degree of accuracy would you assign the comparisons in this chart?



What do you all think? Have any of you been overseas and found yourself less lonely or not lonely at all? Was it easier to make friends or get dates?

If so, then I'd love to travel or maybe even live overseas. But which country should I go to? I have no idea where to start or how to choose.

I was going to ask these questions in the forum of the site I mentioned above, but I figured that they might be a little biased, so I came here to try to get a more neutral third-party perspective first.

Also, do you think loneliness is a reflection of problems in society or of problems in the individual? I've heard people making arguments for both sides. I know that no one likes to accept blame and that people prefer to blame others or external circumstances, but seriously, how can we truly know whether the problem is in us or in society?

Thanks.

hmm.. going abroad can sometimes solve loneliness in terms that a new environment can give us a sense of clean slate. new life, new start. I don't think people are particularly friendlier in some countries than in others though (except from countries with a very tight culture) anywhere you go, you meet good people and bad people, friendly and not so friendly, nice and not so nice.

Money exchange rate...

Lots of beautiful women in Mexico too...But dont know any spanish to be hitting on them..so in the fresia would I know theyre friendly or not..

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American Women are fine..Theyre not all money hungery whores..even if they are..theres nothing wrong with that...its just prefernce.

If you wanna date different women..just go date them. Theres plenty of single women just dating or whatever and not looking for a commitment.

I mean honeysuckle dude...if you cant hit on women that speaks the same language as yours..how in the hell are you gonna hit on women you cant communicate with...
Money talks..dosnt it???
Its still the same old honeysuckle..going over sea just gives you the upper hand...
Then again different country has different laws and whatever the fresia freedom you have in the US dosnt apply. If you go Missing in action..you go missing in action.lol

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Youre retarded...As if men in other country just loves the notions of some hard up pasty face white boy coming over thier territory rape N fresia thier women.... As if thats paradize.

Cut off ur fucken left nut and send it home to ur mama for ransom money..Then just put a fucken bullet in ur head just becuz ur a stupid gardenia.

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Its like this Dude...Im an Asain male and I moved to the USA...So Im kind da oversea...its just reverse of what ur thinking....
Ive only been with cucasian women.
Whiteboyz dont like me for ******* the living honeysuckle out of these women...
I comtaminate whities gene pool
They wanna put a bullet in my head.hahahaaa

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My daughters Jordan N Kimberly are half asian half white..Theyre drop dead gorgeous. They have plenty of men chasing them and wanting to fresia them..Oops I mean date them.hahaha

If you are lonely within your own country because you are shy and/or have social problems you will experience much the same in a different country, especially if you don't speak the language. I am from London and there are many foreigners nationals here who are lonely and are desperate to return home. There isn't a particular country that is more friendly than another. Within many countries you will find closed-knit communities but they usually are very unwelcoming to outsiders. As for loneliness being a social or an individual problem, well I think it's a bit of both. But if you really feel that you would like to emigrate you should go for it. Remember though, what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Don't do anything based on this guys research. Do your own. Consider countries with compatible lifestyles and values to your own. For example western values are very different to those in Middle Eastern countries. Also think about climate. If you come from warm part of the US, could you cope with cold weather and vice versa. Are you prepared to learn another language? Are you adventurous with food? Will you be able to do the same kind of job that you do now? Can you cope with sleeping in the afternoons and then working until 9pm or 10pm as they do in western Europe? Perhaps it would be an idea to write a list of pros and cons. If there are more pros then go for it. If it doesn't work out you can always return home but if you never do it you may always think "what if..." Perhaps you could let us know what you decide.

going abroad will make it EVEN WORSE. You will know no one, you will not understand the culture, or language...
Yes people may be nicer to you though. But you will have to start over and lose the friends you currently have... a rolling stone collects no moss.

When you stay put you eventually make friends, if you move to often you can not keep friends can you?


For me; moving too much resulted in the fact that I was very lonely with no friends.
But being a foreigner made it easier to get dates yes; since males in the Caribbean like girls from other islands. And I didnt have to answer to my parents anymore.

Jales was it your choice to constantly move or was it out of your control? It sounds like it was tough on you. Hope your settled and happier now.

so very lonely said:

If you are lonely within your own country because you are shy and/or have social problems you will experience much the same in a different country, especially if you don't speak the language. I am from London and there are many foreigners nationals here who are lonely and are desperate to return home. There isn't a particular country that is more friendly than another. Within many countries you will find closed-knit communities but they usually are very unwelcoming to outsiders. As for loneliness being a social or an individual problem, well I think it's a bit of both. But if you really feel that you would like to emigrate you should go for it. Remember though, what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Don't do anything based on this guys research. Do your own. Consider countries with compatible lifestyles and values to your own. For example western values are very different to those in Middle Eastern countries. Also think about climate. If you come from warm part of the US, could you cope with cold weather and vice versa. Are you prepared to learn another language? Are you adventurous with food? Will you be able to do the same kind of job that you do now? Can you cope with sleeping in the afternoons and then working until 9pm or 10pm as they do in western Europe? Perhaps it would be an idea to write a list of pros and cons. If there are more pros then go for it. If it doesn't work out you can always return home but if you never do it you may always think "what if..." Perhaps you could let us know what you decide.

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Are you sure? How come the owner of Happier Abroad then claims to have experienced 1000 percent more inclusiveness overseas then?

I am not shy, nor do I lack social skills. I am very outgoing in fact. But there is a false assumption that anyone who is outgoing and friendly in America will have a lot of friends. That might be true in the fictional world of Disney where characters are outgoing and friendly. But the reality is anything but, at least where I grew up in suburban California - the dysfunctional capital of the world. lol

The problem is, being outgoing in California or Washington (where I also lived) doesn't do anything cause people live in a bubble and mind their own business and expect you to do the same. Communication is primarily for business only. You can't just go out and meet people cause they don't wanna meet you.

This is as obvious as 2+2=4, but why is it that no one else talks about it? How can an obvious truth be so unmentioned? I sometimes feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.


It's definitely true in California, but Steve maintains that Ohio is the same way. We just don't know our neighbors other than polite nods in passing. We all feel alienated and segregated in the US suburbs. So why are mainstream people, such as in this forum, denying it?

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Lonesome Crow said:

Money exchange rate...

Lots of beautiful women in Mexico too...But dont know any spanish to be hitting on them..so in the fresia would I know theyre friendly or not..

---

American Women are fine..Theyre not all money hungery whores..even if they are..theres nothing wrong with that...its just prefernce.

If you wanna date different women..just go date them. Theres plenty of single women just dating or whatever and not looking for a commitment.

I mean honeysuckle dude...if you cant hit on women that speaks the same language as yours..how in the hell are you gonna hit on women you cant communicate with...
Money talks..dosnt it???
Its still the same old honeysuckle..going over sea just gives you the upper hand...
Then again different country has different laws and whatever the fresia freedom you have in the US dosnt apply. If you go Missing in action..you go missing in action.lol

---

Youre retarded...As if men in other country just loves the notions of some hard up pasty face white boy coming over thier territory rape N fresia thier women.... As if thats paradize.

Cut off ur fucken left nut and send it home to ur mama for ransom money..Then just put a fucken bullet in ur head just becuz ur a stupid gardenia.

---

Its like this Dude...Im an Asain male and I moved to the USA...So Im kind da oversea...its just reverse of what ur thinking....
Ive only been with cucasian women.
Whiteboyz dont like me for ******* the living honeysuckle out of these women...
I comtaminate whities gene pool
They wanna put a bullet in my head.hahahaaa

---

My daughters Jordan N Kimberly are half asian half white..Theyre drop dead gorgeous. They have plenty of men chasing them and wanting to fresia them..Oops I mean date them.hahaha

Click to expand...

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I am NOT afraid to hit on women in my own language. In college, I hit on women everyday. But all of them wanted to be left alone. They either said they had a boyfriend, were too busy working to hang out, or made other excuses. Other guys I know report the same.

The number of dateless men in America is staggering. You don't see that in other countries though. Ask yourself why? That's the key question.

One of the advisors of Happier Abroad, an experienced expat, made this observation about the real culture shock of coming US, as a former US immigrant himself. What do you think? Doesn't it sum up the US to a T?



"I think generally, the biggest culture shock that people experience in the US is not between their country and the US but between what they thought the US would be and what it actually is. Books and movies about America make the place appear very free and exciting and happening and the people are so interesting and emotional. There is sex and fun and romance going on. When they arrive, the place looks very conservative and the people appear robotic and quiet. Sex is subdued and hard to come by. The people are not open at all, they look closed and mistrustful. Everybody is just working and looking tired and apathetic. Talking to strangers is taboo. There are thousands of little rules and laws and social mores that seem as dogmatic and strict as those in a Muslim society. And every time you are at risk of breaking yet another law and facing very dire consequences. That is the biggest culture shock of all."

I've also had the notion that "everything is better abroad" for a longer time. It's not just that I think that people would be more approachable and open, but also since no one would know me, I could start with a clean slate and pretend like I was not seriously socially challenged. Jales is probably right though, and I'd just end up even lonelier.

Lumping togehter "the rest of the world" and making wildly generalizing claims about it doesn't seem to be particularly helpful. I'm sure there are parts in the US where people are more social than in some parts of "the rest of the world." Hint: whatever you do, don't come to Northern Europe.

Well, this is a difficult topic. In my opinion, both, the individual and society play a part when it comes to loneliness. As some other ppl commented here, moving overseas can be a fresh start, so that might make u feel better if u really need a change. It also means starting all over, new friends, new job, new place to live. U will feel lonely till u make new friends. But it also true that if ur personality is the main reason for ur loneliness, u will carry that everywhere u go, and if u have problems making friends at home u will have the same problem abroad.
Thou, Im from south america and I can tell u what happens there that might be different from the US or Europe where I have also lived. In my town for example, there arent foreigners, so that means if somkeone from abroad goes there, everyone would be interested in him or her. He/she would never feel alone coz everybody would like to hang out with that person. If u compare that with big cities which receive lots of immigrats, and where locals are fed up of getting new immigrats u'll find those towns friendlier. If u are a man, and u go to south america ull find the girls very friendly, coz there arent many men lol, so yes they will hit on u, coz theres a problem there with numbers (more women than men). I dont want to make this post so long, so here is my piece of advise. TRY IT. Thats what I did, if u feel u arent happy where u live, stop complaining and move. U can always go back to what u already know, but if u dont try u will never know. Even if u dont find what u were looking for u will learn. And be aware that u will find nice and rude people everywhere.
Good luck!

I'd say go for it, it's a wonderful experience.

Also, if you're lonely and you look for company, try things like couchsurfing.com . They regularly hold meetings all over the world, with travellers from all over the world who are genuinely interested in meeting other people. What makes it even better is that alot of these couchsurfers come alone to these kind of meetings, so you're bound to make new friends + the bigger the city, the more active the groups are!

Well, it works for me atleast!

mmm so people should travel to cure their loneliness instead of just getting dressed and go to the pub ((where you can meet poeple)) good idea tho !!!

Johathon Livenston Seagull ..
The Dream Gver
Acrhors of Diamonds
The Teachings of Don Juan

Pretty much all say the same stuff or principles

The Velvatine Rabbit or principles..
The principles are that same but its apply to form a loving and deeper connect with someone..
Yeah..all the shiny new toys in the room.

I find it depends on where you go, I've been to several places in the southern U.S and found some people were very rude but others were very friendly. A year and a half ago I went to Jamaica and everyone there were very friendly.

Im one of those people...Its me.
Everywhere I go I get laid and had plenty of women in my life.

I aslo live in SoCal....
You have got to be kidding me..
when I lived in SD..chicks were dime a dozen..everywhere...from loval to tourest....

I currently live outside of SD in a smallar community..where not as many single women are avaliable..
Never the less...Ive dated 5 women in there 20s the past year.
Im also 44..get that. The odds are stacked even more againts me.
Im not ur typical asian male...Im just me.
I lived in washinton state too...got laid the night i was there...canidian babes are diffrent..but theyre still women.

I'm a bit skeptical myself, especially looking at the source. The site makes money arranging tours and trips to said other countries, so of course they are going to want to find a client base to appeal to. In this case the North American lonely male.

Looking at their comparison list, it all seems great and how we wish the world to be, but how awesome is it really? Every comparison on it suggests that over here girls are snobbish and the only nice ones are unattractive. Whether that is true or not isn't for me to say, but does that mean it is a given right that we are entitled to a land where all women are attractive and are desperate for men? Think about the reasons behind this as well. Are they countries where woman are discouraged from succeeding and told not to be breadwinners? Yeah great for us, but at what cost to them?

Hard for me to put into words I suppose, "shooting fish in a barrel" might be a good way to phrase it. Sure you might go somewhere else and nab a woman easily, but does she really want you or is it just a lack of options on her part? Do we gain anything as a society just by reversing the current situation? Fleeing to somewhere else to fulfill selfish whims seems to be continuing on with the exact culture of everyone for themselves that the site purports to be against.

But I don't have any real info on this. It's just my initial take on the matter. Honestly it's my first paragraph that is the most important one here, beware of someone who is selling something.

Once I graduate high school I plan on taking a gap year and traveling. I'll let you all know how much less lonely I am after that, so that'll be in about like 4 years.

Renae called me this mornig...
Tracy been ringing phone off the hook
Everytime I run into Misty..she just wanna make herself avaliable to me...

Not sure what your doing wrong...

But oneday I got really up set with my exwf cuz she went N stab my heart with a fucken screw driver..again.

I just decided to be happy. I made a concious decision to be happy...5 mins @ a time. An hour @ a time..A day @ a time...graudaully women came into my life....

Bro, i say its 100% true.. i have lived in the philippines all my life... and when i moved to the US my life started spiraling down... at first i thought it was me.. that had the problem.. but it wasnt it was the enviroment... people in america have very high self esteem and have big egos.. everybody thinks in this country their going to be someone someday.. which makes their heads even fatter.. dont get me wrong.. some people arent like this in america but most are... in the philippines its way different... its really like a different world... people will show you the meaning of friendship and the that you are a "TAO" which means a person... no bullshit.. just in its purest form... sure their are some negative people their too.. but very rare.. they treat foreigners very good too.. they love foreigners.. but be careful they can get a few bucks outta you.. but not for the bad reasons.. lots of poverty their.. if i have a say in you.. i say move to an asian country say like thailand vietnam or i reccomend personally the philippines.. expect alot of differences culture wise... be warned.. but its sure as hell better than the american society... you will adjust if you live their long enough

WWu777 said:

so very lonely said:

If you are lonely within your own country because you are shy and/or have social problems you will experience much the same in a different country, especially if you don't speak the language. I am from London and there are many foreigners nationals here who are lonely and are desperate to return home. There isn't a particular country that is more friendly than another. Within many countries you will find closed-knit communities but they usually are very unwelcoming to outsiders. As for loneliness being a social or an individual problem, well I think it's a bit of both. But if you really feel that you would like to emigrate you should go for it. Remember though, what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Don't do anything based on this guys research. Do your own. Consider countries with compatible lifestyles and values to your own. For example western values are very different to those in Middle Eastern countries. Also think about climate. If you come from warm part of the US, could you cope with cold weather and vice versa. Are you prepared to learn another language? Are you adventurous with food? Will you be able to do the same kind of job that you do now? Can you cope with sleeping in the afternoons and then working until 9pm or 10pm as they do in western Europe? Perhaps it would be an idea to write a list of pros and cons. If there are more pros then go for it. If it doesn't work out you can always return home but if you never do it you may always think "what if..." Perhaps you could let us know what you decide.

Click to expand...

Are you sure? How come the owner of Happier Abroad then claims to have experienced 1000 percent more inclusiveness overseas then?

I am not shy, nor do I lack social skills. I am very outgoing in fact. But there is a false assumption that anyone who is outgoing and friendly in America will have a lot of friends. That might be true in the fictional world of Disney where characters are outgoing and friendly. But the reality is anything but, at least where I grew up in suburban California - the dysfunctional capital of the world. lol

The problem is, being outgoing in California or Washington (where I also lived) doesn't do anything cause people live in a bubble and mind their own business and expect you to do the same. Communication is primarily for business only. You can't just go out and meet people cause they don't wanna meet you.

This is as obvious as 2+2=4, but why is it that no one else talks about it? How can an obvious truth be so unmentioned? I sometimes feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Check out this video by Steve Hoca called "Winston Wu is right. Americans are socially disconnected."



It's definitely true in California, but Steve maintains that Ohio is the same way. We just don't know our neighbors other than polite nods in passing. We all feel alienated and segregated in the US suburbs. So why are mainstream people, such as in this forum, denying it?

Click to expand...

I think OP has misunderstood the meaning of my post. I did not say you could not realise happiness from moving abroad. In fact it is something I myself have been thinking about doing for many years. It sounds like you have already decided to do this. In that case I hope you find the happiness you are looking for.

I think that travelling abroad is a different experience for everyone depending on how they embrace it and how prepared they are when they get there. Everyone has different expectations of being abroad.

I have just come back from travelling in Asia and the Australian continent in all of 2010. I felt lonely a lot of the time because I was a single female abroad and missed my home comforts so much! But I was on a mission to find my happiness and it made me 'have to' meet new people in order to solve my loneliness. I had to be brave and speak to people. When I did, it was good. I found that people in general are friendlier abroad whether it is for 'tourism' reasons or they were intrigued by me being a 'foreigner.'

My new surroundings and new experiences distracted me from my loneliness because it tantalized my senses but it was only short lived. Culture differences play a big part in how we behave abroad.

If you are lonely at 'home' your loneliness will follow you around wherever you go. You can’t escape it because ‘you’ have to make a difference. Friendships and relationships always need time to blossom and develop wherever you go.

Only we can solve our own loneliness and it is only found in ‘us.’

This is only my opinion!

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NoMoreHope said:

Bro, i say its 100% true.. i have lived in the philippines all my life... and when i moved to the US my life started spiraling down... at first i thought it was me.. that had the problem.. but it wasnt it was the enviroment... people in america have very high self esteem and have big egos.. everybody thinks in this country their going to be someone someday.. which makes their heads even fatter.. dont get me wrong.. some people arent like this in america but most are... in the philippines its way different... its really like a different world... people will show you the meaning of friendship and the that you are a "TAO" which means a person... no bullshit.. just in its purest form... sure their are some negative people their too.. but very rare.. they treat foreigners very good too.. they love foreigners.. but be careful they can get a few bucks outta you.. but not for the bad reasons.. lots of poverty their.. if i have a say in you.. i say move to an asian country say like thailand vietnam or i reccomend personally the philippines.. expect alot of differences culture wise... be warned.. but its sure as hell better than the american society... you will adjust if you live their long enough

Click to expand...

SOLD it for me... Asia is a different way of life. I dare say 'better' imao for all the reasons that you give, but I have always wanted to go to America too. I guess 'visiting' and 'living' are two completely different things?!