Online dating help

The main reason I joined this forums... Any mature advice is welcome, I'm in a really tough time in my life right now.



So, I'm a gamer. I've been playing on the same online community for almost 2 years now. There was that one woman that seemed really cool and hot but never got the chance to meet her.
2-3 months ago she joined my group. We played together, but still just friends. 2-3 weeks now we started talking privately on skype and whatsapp, playing alone for whole days, just talking to each other. After some talks, we pretty much told each other we fell in love, and decided to make something happen.

Now, you'd say "you're living the dream, what's the issue?". She's 31 and I'm 21. Also from different countries. I dont mind her being older than me, but I find myself "too young" sometimes. I 've actually fell in love with her, and I got feelings I never thought I'd have. I cant handle them, and sometimes it causes us to fight, like now.


I really like her, and I really want something to work out with us. But it's hard, an d while I've never given up, I'm afraid that she will as she can just stop wasting her time with a stupid kid and find someone better and more usefull than me




We're talking pretty much 24/7, sharing pictures of us and what we're doing, trying to make it look casual. We got plans to meet in person soon as well.

I really love the whole thing, she's perfect and great, but I dont beleive in myself and that I deserve her.
Anyone is/was in a similar situation? Any advices?

She fell in love with you for who you are. Your lack of confidence is the problem, nothing else. Unless you portrayed yourself in a way that is a lie, you don't need to be anything but who you are with her.

Start believing in yourself, because clearly other people, especially your girl, already do. Whatever you perceive yourself as is what you will be. If you are negative toward yourself, you will be that. If you are positive about yourself, that's what you will be. It's your choice and only you can make it.

Long distance relationships can be hard, but they aren't impossible. Don't let yourself sabotage it because of your lack of confidence in yourself. Stop seeing yourself as a stupid kid and focus on the fact that she chose you for who you are.

I say, go for it.
Throw caution to the wind.
You are 21.
Do not view the relationship down the road until you meet her and spend LOTS of time together.
I wish I had the same opportunity when I was your age.

Erevetot said:

The main reason I joined this forums... Any mature advice is welcome, I'm in a really tough time in my life right now.



So, I'm a gamer. I've been playing on the same online community for almost 2 years now. There was that one woman that seemed really cool and hot but never got the chance to meet her.
2-3 months ago she joined my group. We played together, but still just friends. 2-3 weeks now we started talking privately on skype and whatsapp, playing alone for whole days, just talking to each other. After some talks, we pretty much told each other we fell in love, and decided to make something happen.

Now, you'd say "you're living the dream, what's the issue?". She's 31 and I'm 21. Also from different countries. I dont mind her being older than me, but I find myself "too young" sometimes. I 've actually fell in love with her, and I got feelings I never thought I'd have. I cant handle them, and sometimes it causes us to fight, like now.


I really like her, and I really want something to work out with us. But it's hard, an d while I've never given up, I'm afraid that she will as she can just stop wasting her time with a stupid kid and find someone better and more usefull than me




We're talking pretty much 24/7, sharing pictures of us and what we're doing, trying to make it look casual. We got plans to meet in person soon as well.

I really love the whole thing, she's perfect and great, but I dont beleive in myself and that I deserve her.
Anyone is/was in a similar situation? Any advices?

Click to expand...

I say go for it because this could end up really good, but don't get your hopes up too much. I've gone through this a couple of times and it usually ends up bad for me. It doesn't matter how awesome things seem to be going, they eventually lose interest and move on before any serious commitment develops. I'm not saying this is going to happen, but just be prepared in case it does.

I could not have said it any better than what Lacrecia and Callie said above. I agree with them. If you both mutually love each other, as hard as it may be, try not to let your insecurities get in the way. Sometimes, our own insecurities are the cause of issues in our relationships.

Distance sucks, I know this all too well. But if you're both willing to make it work, nothing can stop you.

Of course, be careful as well, like what kamya said.

I wish you all the best and hope it all goes well for the both of you.

Thank every single one of you for your answers, it really gave me a confidence boost, and I needed it.

And while I'm always "prepared for the worst", this is pretty much the first time I believe something good will happen, not because I just want it to, but because I need to. about a year ago my longest/most serious relationship of 4 years ended, and since then I just locked everyone out, friends, family and any relationship I had were plain sexual. For some reason this girl somehow touched me, I allowed myself to feel things for her without thinking about it. I'm not gonna use the cliche "she's the one" lines, but she's something special, that's for sure.

Also, seeing as many people on here actually tried online dating and/or long distance relationships, how do you do it? I've never did it before, and it feels weird.

Again, thanks for your time reading and replying to me, I appreciate it!

Just make sure to talk to her about how your feeling. Be open and honest about it.

I did talk to her. We talked about everything. While she understands why I'm "scared" etc, she says I shouldn't be and that I should believe her and her feelings and that in her eyes I'm special, and not a kid and blah blah.

While I'd love to believe it, I just feel like she says it just to make me feel comfortable :/


On another note, we're making plans to meet in person. We live in different countries, so it'll be hard. in 2 weeks I got my birthday, and we're talking about me visiting her and spending the weekend with her. Due to my recent job I got the money for the tickets, and she said I'll stay with her so I dont need to find a hotel. She's a nurse though, so there are chances of not making it due to shifts and stuff, so next "meeting" is January/Febuary when she has 2-3 weeks off, she plans on spending them with me.

Now, the question I got, is how do you maintain a relationship like that? I mean, we never met, we both got strong feelings for each other tho, but we must stay together for at least 3 more months before we get to meet. While Im trying to be positive, the way I see it is: she'll get bored before that and end it.

On top of that, my depression came back again for some reason. For 2 days now I feel like crap, and even when she cheers me up, I got back to depressed instantly.


As always, any sort of comments, tips, advices or just feedback is appreciated.

My first suggestion is to stop the defeatist attitude. Sounds like you are doing so to enable yourself to be the "controller" of the situation as it unfolds, rather than enjoying it for what it could be.

Second, continue the positive communication.
You also need to spend time with her in person to see the type of person that she is. Of course, you don't wanna go overboard and offer your hand in marriage after 5 minutes - if she does that, well, then it is time to really pull back or away. I've been in a couple of long distance relationships, and virtual communication is paramount until both parties can meet face to face.

Of course, not every relationship we are lucky to experience is going to be "the one". You must to experience them, good, bad or indifferent and see where they lead, whenever you have the opportunity.
You are too young to be defeatist, which is how your posts read back to me.
Wait til you are my age - 30 years from now - alone, with a lifetime of personal failures.
Then you can freely play the defeatist card.

see, the issue is that I feel like that... While the people I consider friends IRL got girlfriends, jobs, a plan for their lives, and left me, Im alone and lonely. For 2 years now, it's been like that, and while it sucks, I've accepted the fact that that's my life.
So, meeting her, and having someone showing any sort of attention and feelings to me, it's a huge deal, and Im getting anxious and nervous that everything I do will fresia it up.

Erevetot said:

see, the issue is that I feel like that... While the people I consider friends IRL got girlfriends, jobs, a plan for their lives, and left me, Im alone and lonely. For 2 years now, it's been like that, and while it sucks, I've accepted the fact that that's my life.
So, meeting her, and having someone showing any sort of attention and feelings to me, it's a huge deal, and Im getting anxious and nervous that everything I do will fresia it up.

Click to expand...

Two things: First, age is often only an issue with other people. I should know. I once dating a girl 20 years younger than me. My gf and I didn't have a problem with that, but I felt actual scorn from outsiders because they were projecting their own values and barriers onto me. It never stopped me or changed the way I felt about her. By the way, the age difference never mattered to us. We thought it was a funny peculiarity, but she loved me, I loved her, and that seemed to be all that was needed. Until it wasn't enough to sustain us. (Our breakup was unrelated to age.) I know the age difference may seem initially strange, but if you feel love in your heart, age is irrelevant.

Second, just relax. Don't overthink it. (Ironic, coming from me... Captain Overthink. But believe me, I know. lol) Just be yourself and have as much fun as you can with her. Try to see every encounter with her as exciting and a recharging of your battery.

I am happy for you. This should be an exciting time for you both.

Case said:

Erevetot said:

see, the issue is that I feel like that... While the people I consider friends IRL got girlfriends, jobs, a plan for their lives, and left me, Im alone and lonely. For 2 years now, it's been like that, and while it sucks, I've accepted the fact that that's my life.
So, meeting her, and having someone showing any sort of attention and feelings to me, it's a huge deal, and Im getting anxious and nervous that everything I do will fresia it up.

Click to expand...

Two things: First, age is often only an issue with other people. I should know. I once dating a girl 20 years younger than me. My gf and I didn't have a problem with that, but I felt actual scorn from outsiders because they were projecting their own values and barriers onto me. It never stopped me or changed the way I felt about her. By the way, the age difference never mattered to us. We thought it was a funny peculiarity, but she loved me, I loved her, and that seemed to be all that was needed. Until it wasn't enough to sustain us. (Our breakup was unrelated to age.) I know the age difference may seem initially strange, but if you feel love in your heart, age is irrelevant.

Second, just relax. Don't overthink it. (Ironic, coming from me... Captain Overthink. But believe me, I know. lol) Just be yourself and have as much fun as you can with her. Try to see every encounter with her as exciting and a recharging of your battery.

I am happy for you. This should be an exciting time for you both.

Click to expand...

thank you. I really mean it, thank you, I need the encouragement. I overthink stuff, I always expect the worse instead of stop worrying and enjoy it. I know I'm doing it, and that's why it sucks, because I'm trying hard, but I can't stop it!
Good thing is we've gotten to know each other more, and she's still in love with me, so some of my fears are gone as she accepted me as I am

Right now I'm at the point, that I actually expect it to work. I know there are not many chances, but even if it fails,it's at least an experience

I wish you all the best, Erevetot. I hope things will continue to work out for the both of you.

and as i say all that, we have a huge fight so, how are you supossed to fix things if you live miles away and she doesn't reply to you?

Erevetot said:

and as i say all that, we have a huge fight so, how are you supossed to fix things if you live miles away and she doesn't reply to you?

Click to expand...

Awww.

Well, I find that patience helps a lot. If she's just needing some time to herself, let her have it. Best to talk when both of you are calm and not emotional or regretful things might happen or be said. I hope it'll get resolved soon. Sorry, Erevetot. :\

And that's why I made this thread! Everytime everyone goes fine, I'll manage to fresia things up!

yup, messed up big time. breaking-up-big

I'm sorry, Erevetot.

What happened? If that's okay to ask..

ladyforsaken said:

I'm sorry, Erevetot.

What happened? If that's okay to ask..

Click to expand...

being in a long- distance relationship, and communicating through texts while she's at work and I at university causes misscommunications. We use a phone app called whatsapp to chat with each other, and with the rest of the people in the group we're in in the video games we play. I was on my last class and she just got home, we were sending "love letters" to each other, literaly writing them on paper and then taking pictures of it and send it to each other, silly but it made us feel close and like it's the "casual sweet thing". The last one was that she's gonna sleep for a bit so she can be "pretty for me when she visits me". She changed her work shifts in December so she can take 2 weeks off and visit me.

10 minutes later she sends a voice message to the group chat, nothing important, just that she'l play when she wakes up and that we need to do some stuff in the game. Teh others dont know there is something with us, well, not all of them, and the rest suspect something, so when we're "around others" we act mean to each other to not show there is something going on. I'm a dick to the rest of the guys, so being nice to her wil show something is going on . I was walking home, with cars and noise around me, so for fun i replied with "Shut up" in a voice message. She knew I was joiking so we started having a fake fight in voice messages. We were laughing and joking, in the meanwhile she was telling me in our private chat how much in love she's with me. I missheard 2 of her messages on the group chat though, and got angry. I thought she was saying she loves one of the other guys and that she wants him. She was talking about me, but due to noises I missheard it. She was "moaning" for me, acting like me being rude turned her on. Due to all the noises I took it seriously. When i heard the messages home, silently i realized it was about me, and that it was not even close to sounding real, that it was clearly a joke. But before that, I got angry, and said it to her. She got mad because she had a long day at work, and she replied with "from fun to serious, thanks" and went to sleep

i realized my mistake, I sent her messages apologising etc etc.

When she woke up we had a really bad chat on Skype. She told me that she's doing everything she can and its not enough for me, that I blame her for everything and that she gets hurt from our fights, I explained to her how i dont think she is the issue, how I know its me and that i hate me for that and that I'll change it etc. Then she told me that she doesnt know if we should be togehter and she'll have to think. I tried to talk to her about it but she told me that it'll be better to leave her alone for the day. I did.


This morning, I sent her goodmorning, apologies and that if she's willing to give us a try I'll make it work. I know she saw the messages and all, but she's not replying to me. She's ignoring me. And I cant take it. I prefer it if she talked to me and raged, yelled at me, even break up. ignoring me is killing me though. Because, I have hopes for us. I still hope she''' stay with me. But the idea of waiting just to hear "Im sorry it wont work out" is killing me.

I know that I need to give her time to think. But I feel that the longer she takes, the less she'll love me. That the longer she thinks about it, the more she'll realize how honeysuckle i am and end it.