It's coming again

I know several people feel this way about themselves, but I swear, nobody wants to be happy as much as I want too. I just don't understand why I can't attain it when I try so hard.

I don't want to say I am completely depressed, but I have a very negative or depressive mindset. I have tried ways to overcome it. I've been getting more active, trying to do hobbies I have a passion for (got a new puppy to show ), among other things. These are nice temporary fixes I feel like, because after the dog show, or the walk to the park I am upset and sad again. I am really unhappy with this because I am treating people like crap because of it. I'm lashing out at people for small things. I know I shouldn't, and I get pissed at myself because it's not right, but I can't help it.

It ticks me off, because I don't have a reason to be/can't figure out. My job is stressful this year, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and am looking forward to the new school year coming in August. I'm just so confused in my own head with my emotions. I wish I didn't have any.

I suppose stress can build up over time, and so slowly you don't notice it. Maybe you should travel somewhere else. Get a change of environment. Even just two weeks can do wonders.

With a job (and dogs) it's difficult to find the time though.

Nicolelt said:

I just don't understand why I can't attain it when I try so hard.

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Maybe that's the problem. You're trying TOO hard.

Just go with the flow, when you're consciously trying, things are harder to obtain than when it just happens. Let go, do what you do, have fun and see what happens.

A vaca sounds pretty good too, though.

I agree with the Real Callie. Trying too hard to be happy is like straining hard to relax, though knowing how not to try to be happy is difficult. Maybe you could try accepting that your negative thoughts and feelings are part of you. I could be wrong here but I get the feeling that maybe you wait in dread for them to reappear after they go away for a while and this dread makes them come back all the sooner. If you accept them instead of fighting them so hard then they may lose some of their power over you.

I can agree with Tiina63 on this. I know in my case things started to get easier after learning to accept the crash is coming rather than fighting the inevitable crash. It helps with getting each episode over faster and I can get back to being close to myself again sooner.

TheRealCallie said:

Nicolelt said:

I just don't understand why I can't attain it when I try so hard.

Click to expand...

Maybe that's the problem. You're trying TOO hard.

Just go with the flow, when you're consciously trying, things are harder to obtain than when it just happens. Let go, do what you do, have fun and see what happens.

A vaca sounds pretty good too, though.

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Yea, I do go with the flow, especially at work. LOTS of my co-workers complain about random tasks we have to do and I just go on and do them and move on. They actually put me down for it. We have an after school program that we stay in the library until 8 pm so students have access. This is completely voluntary, and I volunteered. At 7:30 pm a janitor came in and said go home, no one is going to show up. I wasn't complaining about my task at hand, and I stayed til 8 because that was the job I was meant to do.

When I go with the flow in my personal life though, it's boring. And then I am frustrated with boredom I feel like.

Tiina63 said:

I agree with the Real Callie. Trying too hard to be happy is like straining hard to relax, though knowing how not to try to be happy is difficult. Maybe you could try accepting that your negative thoughts and feelings are part of you. I could be wrong here but I get the feeling that maybe you wait in dread for them to reappear after they go away for a while and this dread makes them come back all the sooner. If you accept them instead of fighting them so hard then they may lose some of their power over you.

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I really don't want to accept negative thoughts though. I think I have to right to be happy and positive. I really don't wait in dread for these spells, they kinda sneak up on me. I'll be happy, then bad it all sucks again.

wolvesjr said:

I can agree with Tiina63 on this. I know in my case things started to get easier after learning to accept the crash is coming rather than fighting the inevitable crash. It helps with getting each episode over faster and I can get back to being close to myself again sooner.

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That's really hard to do though when you have people in your life that rely on you and you can't take the time to crash. In college and in high school I could, I just wouldn't talk to people for a day or two and be fine. My life won't allow that right now. But you are right, I have done that before. People don't understand it, but it does work.