A guy in his late 20's with anhedonia looking for answers

[Aymen]

Good evening everyone,

i luckily found this forum so i,m willing to post my issue.


I was very fat in my teens until i reached the age 18, college guys and girls laughed at me and mocked me, i also had strabismus (crossed eye) which lowered my self esteem more, then at the age 18 i turned everything around, i became very good looking and all the guys who mocked me became scared of me and the girls who mocked me wanted to be my girlfriend, then the university time came and things really didn't do well for me, i still at that time got a lot of looks and invitation from girls to approach them but i didn't make any move, i was very relegious and i believed that interacting with women was not allowed in my relegion, plus many things that i was strict when applying it in my daily life which made me more of an introverted person and socially isolated, i realized years later that applying my relegion as it is in the modern world will make one socially isolated.

when i wanted to apply my relegion as it is, my parents fought me hard and it made me very depressed, i was waiting for the time i finish my bachelor's degree and found a job and rent alone.

my parents also fought me because i was strict about following a diet and lifestyle for my entire life that was very different from what they do, i got bad comments from them when i try to cook alone or advice them and my brother wants to fight with me because he thinks i,m the one who is making the family have problems. My parents also like my brother more than me because he is like them.

i found a job 3 years ago and i was able to leave my family house after 1 year of work, it was really hard to go out alone and rent, they didn't accept it, and my mother gave me headaches in the week before i leave, they wanted to control me as always.

So life alone is really better, my parents seem to regret what they did with me, i limit seeing them to once every two weeks and i usually wish that things were better than now but i try to forgive them.


my story really gave me anhedonia, i don't feel emotions from others anymore, i got adapted to loneliness and i try to protect my health with low stress lifestyle and good diet and sleep.

I,m not as good looking as i was in my early twenties but i regret that i missed all the stares and invitation from girls, i wish i was not relegious at that time and approached them.


i really want to avoid anger, i just want to start a relationship with girls and make male friends but the anhedonia is blocking me, i have to deal with every day negativity at work and how people are so stressed when riding and in the city, not to mention that i live in the thirld world where lack of knowledge about health is very common and people don't care about junk foods, guys knock out the doors of the metro and break it and they stop the train doors from closing, fights every day and breaking all the rules in driving, bribery to save theirselves from police, lack of avaibility of basic foods, etc


i get paid very well in my stable job, i,m thinking of erasing all my past and go to another country and start a new life, to be able to love again, to feel again


I tried to join a bachata dance class last year and it didn't seem to benefit me, i like sprinting and reading about health but i didn't sprint for about 4 years, would you advise me to join a sprinting competition for example? how can i improve my social skills?


what do you think of the idea of going abroad and starting a new life?

 

[Punisher]

Your problems will follow you abroad, but it will be better than living in a third world shithole.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

If you want to move abroad and you can; I think you should. It's usually good to have a plan though, and some back up plans. Other times we take a leap of faith.

We can't change the past. We can change our minds though, how we view the future, the present, and the past. Try not to waste time thinking about regrets. Remember the good, find the good, and make good where you can. There is much beauty in this world, even if human nature can be quite ugly some times.

Emotional numbness and lack of joy are difficult things to experience; but, at least you have awareness of it. Perhaps like a garden, we must have the proper conditions to sprout the seeds of joy, meaningfulness, love, beauty, and all the good things.

Everyday is a new beginning. Good luck.

 

[Aymen]

If you want to move abroad and you can; I think you should. It's usually good to have a plan though, and some back up plans. Other times we take a leap of faith.

We can't change the past. We can change our minds though, how we view the future, the present, and the past. Try not to waste time thinking about regrets. Remember the good, find the good, and make good where you can. There is much beauty in this world, even if human nature can be quite ugly some times.

Emotional numbness and lack of joy are difficult things to experience; but, at least you have awareness of it. Perhaps like a garden, we must have the proper conditions to sprout the seeds of joy, meaningfulness, love, beauty, and all the good things.

Everyday is a new beginning. Good luck.

Thank you for answering.

I don't have problems with english, i like it and i want to move out to an english speaking country, but the work visa sponsorship is getting harder especially for someone like me coming from a country outside the EU, so my best hope would to save money until i reach 30 then i move to Australia or Canada to study my masters degree there (without scholarship), there is a risk doing that and i could fail succeeding my exams but hopefully i will not, i will also lose my very well paid job in my country which is a permanent contract. I don't want to buy a car with the money i gathered or opening a food store and quit my stable job but i,m just saving it to help myself leaving my country.

The third world is hard to live in for me, i,m very polite and kind and i don't have place in it, every day i try to quit my house and walk in the street and see how people act and the motivation to find male friends and girlfriend disappears, i sometimes look down the street when i walk to avoid seeing what people do.

i may try more by joining a team spot and approaching women and see if getting new male friends and getting a girlfriend may change my views, i have to do that before moving to another country.


Thoughts?

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Well, these are things that are, 'easy to say,' but, 'can be difficult to do,' like most things.

If I was fearless, I might hop on a plane or a boat right now, and try living in another country; but, I am very far from being fearless.

If you have a good job, then, I think prioritizing saving money, would be a paramount start, to whatever you decide to do. I'd make a very serious, and very strict budget (with allowances for some leisure activity). And on top of that, perhaps develop a side, 'skill,' that might make money as well, as backup-adjunct to the work you perform.

I'm very different from my contemporaries as well, and I'm in USA. There's no easy way getting around that, for me. But, I'm also not actively doing much about it; or, can't do much about it. However, at least I can still develop my intellect, learn, read, etc.. If you can socialize with others, to some degree, then, yes, I would say, strengthen that muscle group, and keep it in shape. Libraries, groups, sports, volunteering, organizations, activism: there are all kinds of things one can get involved in, to varying degrees. Perhaps just, keep your expectations low, and look at it more as, 'exercising your social aspect,' rather than expecting to get something out of it. If you make new friends, great, but, if you don't, at least you're engaging your mind with a variety of experience to keep it in shape.

I honestly wouldn't know where to begin, if I wanted to attempt to move to a different country.

It sounds like you have some things going for you though, so, I guess it's just a matter of planning and action.

I can give my thoughts But, there are probably more knowledgeable people, as far as, moving to a different country is concerned.

Good luck.

 

[Aymen]

Well, these are things that are, 'easy to say,' but, 'can be difficult to do,' like most things.

If I was fearless, I might hop on a plane or a boat right now, and try living in another country; but, I am very far from being fearless.

If you have a good job, then, I think prioritizing saving money, would be a paramount start, to whatever you decide to do. I'd make a very serious, and very strict budget (with allowances for some leisure activity). And on top of that, perhaps develop a side, 'skill,' that might make money as well, as backup-adjunct to the work you perform.

I'm very different from my contemporaries as well, and I'm in USA. There's no easy way getting around that, for me. But, I'm also not actively doing much about it; or, can't do much about it. However, at least I can still develop my intellect, learn, read, etc.. If you can socialize with others, to some degree, then, yes, I would say, strengthen that muscle group, and keep it in shape. Libraries, groups, sports, volunteering, organizations, activism: there are all kinds of things one can get involved in, to varying degrees. Perhaps just, keep your expectations low, and look at it more as, 'exercising your social aspect,' rather than expecting to get something out of it. If you make new friends, great, but, if you don't, at least you're engaging your mind with a variety of experience to keep it in shape.

I honestly wouldn't know where to begin, if I wanted to attempt to move to a different country.

It sounds like you have some things going for you though, so, I guess it's just a matter of planning and action.

I can give my thoughts But, there are probably more knowledgeable people, as far as, moving to a different country is concerned.

Good luck.

really appreciate your answer man, it's helpful.

Thank you

 

[Sometimes]

I know this post is older, but I'm going to answer anyway. I struggle with anhedonia as well, and it can be a real hardship. Stay strong.

I was in a culture that was really painful for me. I got the opportunity to move overseas and I jumped. I can only say that while my life still often a struggle it is WAY better than it was.

Sometimes it's true that one is just in the wrong place for who you are.

 

[Bev Thornton]

i may try more by joining a team spot and approaching women and see if getting new male friends and getting a girlfriend may change my views, i have to do that before moving to another country.

Sounds like a good idea, couldn't go wrong. It could be practice for landing in a new land or it could lead to enriching your life there so much that you don't need to move. Or you could land in a new land with a companion, partner, spouse, which would surely make it easier. You got a win-win deal there.