A white lie…

[CenotaphGirl]

Trigger warning this has elements of race dont read if that’ll trigger your soul. Read this waffle if you can

Now im trying to be clever with the title, no lies have been told but most know im a mixed race girl who has been raised by my adoptive parents who happen to be white.

Now, my father and my mother both sat me down to tell me one thing and that is that no man that looks like them will love (in a romantic sense) someone that looks like me, no exceptions.

So, I found that conversation rather upsetting, to the point I made it a massive deal to prove them wrong and looked for love in all the wrong places.

I even thought being called racist things in private but not in public… could be love. I am a strange girl thats for sure anywho…

So heres Rob, he is finally the big “ha, told you so!” To my parents, RIP dad.
However he doesn't like that I see him that way and before you ask no I never told him anything about it, my mum did and now he constantly (last 4 days) brings it up not understanding its a sensitive topic for me.

How can I ask him to stop bringing up the fact that im adopted, and my racial identity issues that are not an easy thing to struggle with. Without sounding like his feelings arent valid. As my mum said he is abusive for being with a girl with identity issues, so now he wants to dig them all out more than my bloody therapist.

He’s even said things like, I love your culture and we are from the same bloody culture soooo wtf made me feel foreign in my own home ugh idk maybe its relationship ocd maybe its my mums fault.
I hate life its too confusinggg

 

[Unsigned]

Now, my father and my mother both sat me down to tell me one thing and that is that no man that looks like them will love (in a romantic sense) someone that looks like me, no exceptions.

That was an extremely odd thing for your parents to tell you.

the big “ha, told you so!” To my parents

I get it...but...do you think you may be exuding this attitude a little, and "Rob" would have picked up on it anyways?
In another thread you had asked me a bunch of questions about a sugar baby I had almost 20 years ago that wanted me to marry her, the hispanic one. She was Dominican and had a very similar attitude about me, regarding my income, age and racial/ethnic background. Like the only reason she was with me was because I checked off all the boxes on her list.

I never told him anything about it, my mum did

That was totally wrong and you should tell her to mind her own business. And if she doesn't you should limit your time and interactions with her.

How can I ask him to stop bringing up the fact that im adopted

By directly asking him to stop bringing it up. Let him know that you consider yourself English and that is that.


Good luck.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yep, just be honest with him. No games, no side stepping, just tell him how it makes you feel. If he's the good guy you say he is, he'll understand.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That was an extremely odd thing for your parents to tell you.


I get it...but...do you think you may be exuding this attitude a little, and "Rob" would have picked up on it anyways?
In another thread you had asked me a bunch of questions about a sugar baby I had almost 20 years ago that wanted me to marry her, the hispanic one. She was Dominican and had a very similar attitude about me, regarding my income, age and racial/ethnic background. Like the only reason she was with me was because I checked off all the boxes on her list.


That was totally wrong and you should tell her to mind her own business. And if she doesn't you should limit your time and interactions with her.


By directly asking him to stop bringing it up. Let him know that you consider yourself English and that is that.


Good luck.

My parents have said stranger things than
that in efforts to “protect me from reality” and some things have really broke my heart.

Well I probably had a smug attitude about it when he brought it up the first time but I feel like I talked about Christianity more than anything initially. I am considered “white passing” by some people dependingggg and he genuinely made jokes about me wearing fake tan in his new car and I was thinking …. He knows this cant wash off right but thats the most he’s ever said.

When I said I never wanna talk about it again he was like “I feel like you hide things” but eh gonna tell him to shut up about it lol

Yep, just be honest with him. No games, no side stepping, just tell him how it makes you feel. If he's the good guy you say he is, he'll understand.

Ugh I dont like to be vulnerable in front of a man like thattt but I will I guess I have to be mature

 

[user 148069]

Trigger warning this has elements of race dont read if that’ll trigger your soul. Read this waffle if you can

Now im trying to be clever with the title, no lies have been told but most know im a mixed race girl who has been raised by my adoptive parents who happen to be white.

Now, my father and my mother both sat me down to tell me one thing and that is that no man that looks like them will love (in a romantic sense) someone that looks like me, no exceptions.

So, I found that conversation rather upsetting, to the point I made it a massive deal to prove them wrong and looked for love in all the wrong places.

I even thought being called racist things in private but not in public… could be love. I am a strange girl thats for sure anywho…

So heres Rob, he is finally the big “ha, told you so!” To my parents, RIP dad.
However he doesn't like that I see him that way and before you ask no I never told him anything about it, my mum did and now he constantly (last 4 days) brings it up not understanding its a sensitive topic for me.

How can I ask him to stop bringing up the fact that im adopted, and my racial identity issues that are not an easy thing to struggle with. Without sounding like his feelings arent valid. As my mum said he is abusive for being with a girl with identity issues, so now he wants to dig them all out more than my bloody therapist.

He’s even said things like, I love your culture and we are from the same bloody culture soooo wtf made me feel foreign in my own home ugh idk maybe its relationship ocd maybe its my mums fault.
I hate life its too confusinggg

Indeed race is a sensitive topic but at times it's necessary to talk about it.

What I am about to tell you is very difficult for me to open up as well, I'm mixed race as well so I understand how it feels. My mum and her side of the family was unfortunately racist. She has over the years said many racist and cruel things to me which I will not repeat.

What your mother and father said to you is cruel and not ok at all. I am so sorry that happened to you. When I was younger I internalized the words of my mother and my self image and confidence suffered greatly. Now that I am older and had time to look back on it and reflect, those were my mother's issues and not mine. The words your parents said are their problem. If anything they should reflect on their own beliefs and why they even think it's ok to say such things to you.

About Rob, I feel that you should talk to him, open up and share. But do it at your own pace.
As for feeling like a foreigner in your own home, I understand that too. Sometimes, there were people who would come up to me and ask me like what are you? where you're from? even when I am born and raised in my own country.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Indeed race is a sensitive topic but at times it's necessary to talk about it.

What I am about to tell you is very difficult for me to open up as well, I'm mixed race as well so I understand how it feels. My mum and her side of the family was unfortunately racist. She has over the years said many racist and cruel things to me which I will not repeat.

What your mother and father said to you is cruel and not ok at all. I am so sorry that happened to you. When I was younger I internalized the words of my mother and my self image and confidence suffered greatly. Now that I am older and had time to look back on it and reflect, those were my mother's issues and not mine. The words your parents said are their problem. If anything they should reflect on their own beliefs and why they even think it's ok to say such things to you.

About Rob, I feel that you should talk to him, open up and share. But do it at your own pace.
As for feeling like a foreigner in your own home, I understand that too. Sometimes, there were people who would come up to me and ask me like what are you? where you're from? even when I am born and raised in my own country.

Ugh orangecat! This is the one comment I relate to soo much. It’s indescribable how much. The things my mother has said to me were terrible too.

Truthfully my parents believe it like they believe the sky is blue. They said they wouldnt want me to be with a jail bird or any white man because they will only hurt me. On my quest to prove them wrong I have been hurt however, I am happy now, you’d think my mum would try to be happy for me but no shes furious.

Thanks so much for sharing this, wow, I feel so heard