Aesthetic changes?

[Skid Row 89]

Recently I've been thinking a lot about one of the factors that drives my low self esteem, my appearance. My personality makes me feel far worse than my appearance but lately I've been considering getting rhinoplasty at some point in the future to give myself a self esteem boost and get rid of one of the biggest complexes about my appearance I have. I'm reminded of all the snide comments and jibes I've overheard over the years every time I look in the mirror. Even my friends made constant jibes about it until I decided to stop all contact with them.
I'll seem contradictory here but I wouldn't consider myself to be a vain person and I have my reservations about getting something like this done when there are so many risks alongside it. It's difficult to weigh up whether it's actually worth it just to feel more confident and even at that only a very shallow level of confidence will be gained. I'm at a crossroads here.
Has anyone here had plastic surgery? If so, do you think it was worth it or do you think it would have been better to just accept how you looked?

 

[9006]

I believe in friendship banter, but if they can see your uncomfortable with it and they continue then they're just asses.

Getting plastic surgery is your choice, personally I wouldn't bother. I'd find it easier to accept, I got a broken nose a while back and as a result isn't entirely uniform, but I don't really care what people may think. Why should you change for other people?

 

[Skid Row 89]

Why should you change for other people?

I had this thought in the back of my mind too and I completely agree with it. However, I'd go through with it purely to boost my self confidence and not to please anyone else. I have a lot of doubts over it though.

 

[Locke]

If there's a chance that only a "very shallow level of confidence will be gained" then it is probably not worth the risks.

The best way to boost your self esteem is to accept who you are, personality and appearance included. It's easier to find people who will like you once you like yourself.

I know that's easier said than done. I can't seem to do it.

 

[theglasscell]

I don't know how old you are but if you have friends still making fun of you for your nose after a certain age, like probably early 20's then maybe it's your friends you need to change, not your appearance.

Everyone has flaws or perceived flaws. There's nothing wrong with that, there is something wrong about harping on them or trying to mock someone for them.

I would try internal self-esteem boosting things for a while before I'd resort to any sort of surgery. I mean you can always find something wrong with yourself.

Before plastic surgery or drastic physical changes, I would always go for counseling first.

Plenty of people call Mark Wahlberg ugly but he is also considered one of the sexiest men alive. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

People are gonna make stupid comments over anything, even stuff that can be easily changed.

Most of my friends always comment on how my hair is really awesome and how I look like one of the Beatles, but people at work always tell me I need a haircut and make a big deal out of it and I get sick of hearing about it, I am not cutting it unless I want to for my own reasons.

Look at the ATL Twins, those guys own their freaky look, they have big metal grills on their teeth and dress like dirtbags, but there is something I admire in how they carry themselves and don't try to fit in.

Think about Jennifer Grey, the actress. She was one of the sexiest actresses of the 80's partially because of her unusual nose, it made her stand out. After she got a nose job her career was pretty much done, she lost what made her unique. She regrets it. The nose you get from rhinoplasty isn't perfect, it's just a nose that fits a certain ideal that's been pushed as beautiful, usually Aryan looks.

Same thing that leads beautiful black women to get their skin bleached and their hair straightened.

Same thing that leads people to get skin cancer because they think their natural skin tone is ugly so they sit in the sun all day causing damage.

I am naturally pale and people tell me I need a tan all the time, I just tell them to go fresia themselves.

Another thing I can tell you is that I have a female friend who got addicted to plastic surgery, she said after five years of work, on her face, lips, boobs, all over, that she finally realized all the external stuff never gave her real self-esteem.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I would try internal self-esteem boosting things for a while before I'd resort to any sort of surgery. I mean you can always find something wrong with yourself.

Before plastic surgery or drastic physical changes, I would always go for counseling first.

You make great points here, as I mentioned in my first comment in the thread I have a harder time accepting my personality than my appearance so it makes more sense to fix the internal self esteem issues. The problem is that I'm very reserved and don't feel very comfortable with the idea of talking to a counselor. I won't even tell my parents about any self esteem issues I'm having, I used to tell a close friend about them on rare occasions but he laughed it off most of the time and thought I was just exaggerating how I felt. I just try to bury myself in work or games to distract myself from these thoughts most of the time.

 

[theglasscell]

It's hard to find a good counselor that you can work with. I had some really good ones in the past but also some terrible ones.

It's important to find one you have chemistry with.

I find the younger ones usually seem like the best as they are more eager about helping someone.

The really old ones I've seen have totally sucked, it's like they were stuck in the 1970s.

I have issues with my looks sometimes, it's not something as obvious as not liking your nose, it's really just something I can't pinpoint, it's partly just not being super handsome or masculine looking and always having people say I look boyish or young.

 

[Skid Row 89]

It's hard to find a good counselor that you can work with. I had some really good ones in the past but also some terrible ones.

It's important to find one you have chemistry with.

I find the younger ones usually seem like the best as they are more eager about helping someone.

The really old ones I've seen have totally sucked, it's like they were stuck in the 1970s.

I have issues with my looks sometimes, it's not something as obvious as not liking your nose, it's really just something I can't pinpoint, it's partly just not being super handsome or masculine looking and always having people say I look boyish or young.

I don't even have the faintest idea how a counselling session would work. I have a certain fear of feeling like I would be wasting their time when they could be attending to someone who has suffered a traumatic incident and is more entitled to help.

 

[Walley]

I find that most times cosmetic surgery doesn't make people look better. all it can do is make yourself feel better if there is something in particular bothering you, but don't do it for anyone else..
its like how making fish lips in a picture doesn't make a girl sexier, it just makes them look like they are trying too hard.

there is a lady at my work that has had lots of work done. (not hard to tell)
she is getting older and I would imagine she did it once she felt age kicking in, but honestly, it's a turn off to me.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I find that most times cosmetic surgery doesn't make people look better. all it can do is make yourself feel better if there is something in particular bothering you, but don't do it for anyone else..
its like how making fish lips in a picture doesn't make a girl sexier, it just makes them look like they are trying too hard.

there is a lady at my work that has had lots of work done. (not hard to tell)
she is getting older and I would imagine she did it once she felt age kicking in, but honestly, it's a turn off to me.

Either way I lose, If I don't go for cosmetic surgery It'll be another reason for low self esteem and if I do go for it the result may turn out badly and people will know I'm just another pathetic guy with low self esteem for resorting to it.

 

[theglasscell]

It's hard to find a good counselor that you can work with. I had some really good ones in the past but also some terrible ones.

It's important to find one you have chemistry with.

I find the younger ones usually seem like the best as they are more eager about helping someone.

The really old ones I've seen have totally sucked, it's like they were stuck in the 1970s.

I have issues with my looks sometimes, it's not something as obvious as not liking your nose, it's really just something I can't pinpoint, it's partly just not being super handsome or masculine looking and always having people say I look boyish or young.

I don't even have the faintest idea how a counselling session would work. I have a certain fear of feeling like I would be wasting their time when they could be attending to someone who has suffered a traumatic incident and is more entitled to help.

You can't minimize your feelings or compare your issues with other people. Any good counselor will take your feelings seriously.

You usually just go in and tell them what your major issue is such as low self-esteem, and tell them you are considering plastic surgery to deal with it.

You can do online counseling at first just to get a general idea of what to do, although in person is much better.

I had severe issues with looks and body image and my counselor always told me that self-esteem comes from the inside, nothing you do to change your looks on the surface can change that.

People used to say I was ugly because I had a big head, it's not like you can get head shrinking surgery.

All you do during the first session is just talk and be honest about what's bothering you. It's a lot easier than it would seem. They aren't going to judge you.

Do you have insurance? Because most insurance websites will have a search option for therapists and you can get a general idea of how they are from their profiles.

Another thing you can do on your own is CBT. A great book for that is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. CBT is one of the greatest ways of building self-esteem and correcting distorted thoughts about yourself, and it's really easy to learn.

Reading that book made drastic changes for me within a couple of days.

 

[Skid Row 89]

It's hard to find a good counselor that you can work with. I had some really good ones in the past but also some terrible ones.

It's important to find one you have chemistry with.

I find the younger ones usually seem like the best as they are more eager about helping someone.

The really old ones I've seen have totally sucked, it's like they were stuck in the 1970s.

I have issues with my looks sometimes, it's not something as obvious as not liking your nose, it's really just something I can't pinpoint, it's partly just not being super handsome or masculine looking and always having people say I look boyish or young.

I don't even have the faintest idea how a counselling session would work. I have a certain fear of feeling like I would be wasting their time when they could be attending to someone who has suffered a traumatic incident and is more entitled to help.

You can't minimize your feelings or compare your issues with other people. Any good counselor will take your feelings seriously.

You usually just go in and tell them what your major issue is such as low self-esteem, and tell them you are considering plastic surgery to deal with it.

You can do online counseling at first just to get a general idea of what to do, although in person is much better.

I had severe issues with looks and body image and my counselor always told me that self-esteem comes from the inside, nothing you do to change your looks on the surface can change that.

People used to say I was ugly because I had a big head, it's not like you can get head shrinking surgery.

All you do during the first session is just talk and be honest about what's bothering you. It's a lot easier than it would seem. They aren't going to judge you.

Do you have insurance? Because most insurance websites will have a search option for therapists and you can get a general idea of how they are from their profiles.

Another thing you can do on your own is CBT. A great book for that is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. CBT is one of the greatest ways of building self-esteem and correcting distorted thoughts about yourself, and it's really easy to learn.

Reading that book made drastic changes for me within a couple of days.

I think I'd be very nervous and inarticulate while talking to a counselor. I think I'd need behavior therapy of some sort. I've read about avoidant personality disorder online and a lot of the symptoms apply to me so I would probably bring it up if I was to opt for counselling. The self help book you suggested sounds great though, I'd be more comfortable trying that out.