Alcohol and Loneliness

[jean-vic]

By day, I am a proud loner, stalking the streets alone without a care in the world, no thought for my fellow man, the trivial issues of the day unimportant to me. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts rather than feigning interest in the shallow persuasions of my generation. However, by night - though not every night - when the lights are dim and the alcohol has taken hold of me, I feel a pang of sadness that I cannot connect with other people. I long for companionship and I leave the local rock club slightly deflated in the knowledge that once again I am walking home alone. I write this as I bathe in malaise at my lot, the numb afterglow of the alcohol slowly wearing off and leaving me hollow. I shall wake in a few hours and make the trip to work, once again revelling in the silence of the lonely walk. Should I drink again, tomorrow, I will be once more consumed in a cyclone of longing and regret, and I'll be left wondering, in the early hours, which me is the real me. The loner, or the man seeking the solace of another?

Tell me, does anyone else feel like this?

 

[Tiina63]

It is said that alcohol can bring out parts of us which we may often suppress to the extent that we are unaware of them and it sounds as though this is happening to you. You ask if the real you is a loner or the man seeking the solace of another. You are both-the loner and the person with needs. We all need some independence and persoanl space and we all need to connect with others as well, so there is nothing odd about your having these two sides to your nature. Maybe you should admit and accept the existence of the part of you which seeks connection when you are sober as well.

 

[9006]

Sounds more like a poem than anything else. You shouldn't drink if you're not 100% happy with being alone, I think it's clear you are not.

 

[Scootch]

I can completely relate to this! I am not entirely sure what I would do if alcohol didnt exist - it surely provides a great mask for the things that bother us most.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

Once upon a time, this was much my story, though the alcohol would lead to manic and inappropriate attempts to connect with others that ended in disaster, or outpourings of anger/rage...

All that's gone more or less, I rarely drink now, and found ways to bridge the different aspects of myself, depending on mood, I can still be very social or solitary, but to much less of an extreme I think.