All I want is a friend...

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

I’m not sure where this would go, so I put it here, sorry if I got it wrong.

I’m 19 years old. All my life I have been socially awkward, a social outcast. I can hardly talk to people, I’m not good at making friends, and girls I cannot even talk to at all. I’m short, I’m chubby, I have no social life, I’m shy, people seem afraid to approach me (because of my menacing demeanor, as I have been told), I have no self confidence, and my self esteem is very low. I’m just over-all a stereotypical loser.

I’ve never been popular, I’ve never been seen as ‘cool’ or ‘interesting’. I’ve always been the weird guy who sits in the corner while everyone whispers and talks about him. I’ve always been the guy who people felt sorry for, but not to an extent to invite me to anything or hang out with me. I’ve tried on occasion to put myself out there, but to no avail, so I’ve given up on that.

I have no friends, at all. I have family, but they don’t know me, they don’t understand me, understand what I believe and see and go through. The only friends I ever sort of had were in a Kung Fu class I used to take, but had to drop because of money. They were not even ‘real’ friends, just people I ran into and talked to every other day.

The other day I ran into an old friend from Kung Fu, a girl I had/have something for. We haven’t seen each other for a couple of years, and hit it off for a few days. Last weekend we saw a couple movies, went out to eat some, and now, nothing. Given the way I am, I feel like my true self has shown through, and is pushing her away. After only a couple of days spent together, she’s the only thing that has bought me any joy and happiness after several years of nothing, of wasted time and the longing need to be in someone’s company. She doesn’t know how I feel. I feel that if I told her it would just push her even further away. Should I tell the only person who has brought happiness to me that I’m sorry, and that I won’t bother her anymore, or what should I do?

As soon as I make a connection with someone, I over do it, and quickly it’s in ruins. All I want to do is hang out, go do this or go do that, day after day. I crave companionship, another human to be around, to be with. Just two days after we stopped hanging out, I feel it crumbling apart already. I’m not a ****** or anything, I have manners, respect, morals, compassion, generosity, I care for others… I know it sounds creepy, stalkerish, but it’s not, it’s just me longing to be with someone else, craving the attention and companionship I’ve never had and experienced before.

I know its not going to end well, it never does. I just don’t know what to do. I Mean, I’m 19, and have never experienced having a girlfriend, never had a date, never had a good friend, never just had someone there for me. Is it bad that I just want it all to end? That I would be perfectly happy to not even be here anymore? That sometimes I wish ‘bad’ things would happen to me, just so it would all be over? If this is the way life is for me, in what is supposed to be one of the best times of my life, what more is there for me?

I just, I’m not sure what there is out there for me anymore. I’m not sure what I should do, where I should go from here. All I want is a friend, someone I can talk to, who can relate. I’m sorry for the long rant and rave, or seeming whiny or looking like a sniveling idiot. I’ve never been able to collect all my thoughts before, and until only recently it’s reached a new level. I guess it’s good to get it off of my chest.

Thanks for reading…

 

[Sci-Fi]

Welcome to the site.

After reading all that the one thing I couldn't help but keep thinking is that a confidence boost would do so much for you. Try letting people in instead of pushing them away. Do things that make you feel better about yourself, whatever makes you feel good before you leave the house for the day. Boost yourself up, you'll carry that with you. You don't seem to be that bad of a person, just someone who's down on life. People can see that and pick up on it. Turn it all around.

 

[Avaron]

Hey
I want you to know, first of all, that there is no need for you to feel down about who you are. I'm sure that you're an amazing, bright person that has a lot of potential. That being said, don't ever downgrade yourself or think less of yourself: do not call yourself a loser.

As for that girl, well maybe you two will hit it off, or maybe you two won't. It's really a matter of circumstances, to be honest. The real question, I think, lies within whether she is willing to understand you and accept you for who you are or not. Worst case scenario, if she doesn't accept you for the wonderful person you are, then you just move on with life, with every piece of dignity that you are! Best case scenario, you two hit it off and it turns out great!

You're not whiny, you're not a loser, and if things don't turn out well in this instance, then there's a whole life ahead of you!

 

[5pt7art]

As soon as I make a connection with someone, I over do it, and quickly it’s in ruins. All I want to do is hang out, go do this or go do that, day after day. I crave companionship, another human to be around, to be with. Just two days after we stopped hanging out, I feel it crumbling apart already. I’m not a ****** or anything, I have manners, respect, morals, compassion, generosity, I care for others… I know it sounds creepy, stalkerish, but it’s not, it’s just me longing to be with someone else, craving the attention and companionship I’ve never had and experienced before.

i can honestly say me and you are the same...and unfortunatley people do consider us douches...many people tell me just to go out and do somethng about it so i wont be lonely or depressed but unless your in the shoes you dont know how it is....coming from someone else who is in your shoes all i can say is keep your head up buddy...good things come to those who are patient and wait or so ive been told..so were due for something great dont lose hope

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

Thanks for all the support... Yea, I lack confidence, badly. One of the reasons I joined up at the Kung Fu school was to help build it, but it seems in the long run it only helped ruin it a little more. I can never build any confidence though. I try, but any time I get anywhere, it gets shattered to pieces. It’s just the way I am I guess, hopefully it will get better soon, but anytime I try and do anything myself, it always ends up in ruins.

---

As soon as I make a connection with someone, I over do it, and quickly it’s in ruins. All I want to do is hang out, go do this or go do that, day after day. I crave companionship, another human to be around, to be with. Just two days after we stopped hanging out, I feel it crumbling apart already. I’m not a ****** or anything, I have manners, respect, morals, compassion, generosity, I care for others… I know it sounds creepy, stalkerish, but it’s not, it’s just me longing to be with someone else, craving the attention and companionship I’ve never had and experienced before.

i can honestly say me and you are the same...and unfortunatley people do consider us douches...many people tell me just to go out and do somethng about it so i wont be lonely or depressed but unless your in the shoes you dont know how it is....coming from someone else who is in your shoes all i can say is keep your head up buddy...good things come to those who are patient and wait or so ive been told..so were due for something great dont lose hope

I know exactly how that feels, I’ve been told numerous times to just do it, to just make friends, to go to parties, etc etc. This is what gets me, the only way to have fun and such in my town is to apparently go out every night and get stoned and drunk out of your mind. I hate alcohol, and I don’t smoke anything. People tell me I need to lighten up and let go, have some fun, but I would like to remember my evening, no matter how dull and lonely it was. I thought running into this girl from my past was my ‘big reward’ for waiting and being patient for so long, doesn’t seem that way though.

 

[5pt7art]

Thanks for all the support... Yea, I lack confidence, badly. One of the reasons I joined up at the Kung Fu school was to help build it, but it seems in the long run it only helped ruin it a little more. I can never build any confidence though. I try, but any time I get anywhere, it gets shattered to pieces. It’s just the way I am I guess, hopefully it will get better soon, but anytime I try and do anything myself, it always ends up in ruins.

---

As soon as I make a connection with someone, I over do it, and quickly it’s in ruins. All I want to do is hang out, go do this or go do that, day after day. I crave companionship, another human to be around, to be with. Just two days after we stopped hanging out, I feel it crumbling apart already. I’m not a ****** or anything, I have manners, respect, morals, compassion, generosity, I care for others… I know it sounds creepy, stalkerish, but it’s not, it’s just me longing to be with someone else, craving the attention and companionship I’ve never had and experienced before.

i can honestly say me and you are the same...and unfortunatley people do consider us douches...many people tell me just to go out and do somethng about it so i wont be lonely or depressed but unless your in the shoes you dont know how it is....coming from someone else who is in your shoes all i can say is keep your head up buddy...good things come to those who are patient and wait or so ive been told..so were due for something great dont lose hope

I know exactly how that feels, I’ve been told numerous times to just do it, to just make friends, to go to parties, etc etc. This is what gets me, the only way to have fun and such in my town is to apparently go out every night and get stoned and drunk out of your mind. I hate alcohol, and I don’t smoke anything. People tell me I need to lighten up and let go, have some fun, but I would like to remember my evening, no matter how dull and lonely it was. I thought running into this girl from my past was my ‘big reward’ for waiting and being patient for so long, doesn’t seem that way though.

---

unfortunatley for me at the age of 23 im border line alcoholic...had alot of good times on alcohol and alot of bad times...i thought but getting shitfaced with freinds was fun until i got arrested for dwi and those freinds where nowhere to be found when i needed them...if ur gonna drink ...drink with moderation...and as far a girls ive been waiting for the right one to come down the road but i think she might of gotten wrong directions...i have my days where i hate everything and it all goes back to how lonely i am. but i think to myself someday she will come i mean ive waited 23 years...whats one more right?

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

Thanks for all the support... Yea, I lack confidence, badly. One of the reasons I joined up at the Kung Fu school was to help build it, but it seems in the long run it only helped ruin it a little more. I can never build any confidence though. I try, but any time I get anywhere, it gets shattered to pieces. It’s just the way I am I guess, hopefully it will get better soon, but anytime I try and do anything myself, it always ends up in ruins.

---

As soon as I make a connection with someone, I over do it, and quickly it’s in ruins. All I want to do is hang out, go do this or go do that, day after day. I crave companionship, another human to be around, to be with. Just two days after we stopped hanging out, I feel it crumbling apart already. I’m not a ****** or anything, I have manners, respect, morals, compassion, generosity, I care for others… I know it sounds creepy, stalkerish, but it’s not, it’s just me longing to be with someone else, craving the attention and companionship I’ve never had and experienced before.

i can honestly say me and you are the same...and unfortunatley people do consider us douches...many people tell me just to go out and do somethng about it so i wont be lonely or depressed but unless your in the shoes you dont know how it is....coming from someone else who is in your shoes all i can say is keep your head up buddy...good things come to those who are patient and wait or so ive been told..so were due for something great dont lose hope

I know exactly how that feels, I’ve been told numerous times to just do it, to just make friends, to go to parties, etc etc. This is what gets me, the only way to have fun and such in my town is to apparently go out every night and get stoned and drunk out of your mind. I hate alcohol, and I don’t smoke anything. People tell me I need to lighten up and let go, have some fun, but I would like to remember my evening, no matter how dull and lonely it was. I thought running into this girl from my past was my ‘big reward’ for waiting and being patient for so long, doesn’t seem that way though.

---

unfortunatley for me at the age of 23 im border line alcoholic...had alot of good times on alcohol and alot of bad times...i thought but getting shitfaced with freinds was fun until i got arrested for dwi and those freinds where nowhere to be found when i needed them...if ur gonna drink ...drink with moderation...and as far a girls ive been waiting for the right one to come down the road but i think she might of gotten wrong directions...i have my days where i hate everything and it all goes back to how lonely i am. but i think to myself someday she will come i mean ive waited 23 years...whats one more right?

---

I suppose, it just sucks seeing everyone around me with someone else, and happy. Wondering, 'why can't I be with someone?' Hell, even ****** bag a-holes are getting girls, when all I want, as an actaul good person, is someone to hang out with, watch some movies, take a bike ride, etc etc. One day I will find that someone, just hope its sooner rather than later.

 

[5pt7art]

Thanks for all the support... Yea, I lack confidence, badly. One of the reasons I joined up at the Kung Fu school was to help build it, but it seems in the long run it only helped ruin it a little more. I can never build any confidence though. I try, but any time I get anywhere, it gets shattered to pieces. It’s just the way I am I guess, hopefully it will get better soon, but anytime I try and do anything myself, it always ends up in ruins.

---

As soon as I make a connection with someone, I over do it, and quickly it’s in ruins. All I want to do is hang out, go do this or go do that, day after day. I crave companionship, another human to be around, to be with. Just two days after we stopped hanging out, I feel it crumbling apart already. I’m not a ****** or anything, I have manners, respect, morals, compassion, generosity, I care for others… I know it sounds creepy, stalkerish, but it’s not, it’s just me longing to be with someone else, craving the attention and companionship I’ve never had and experienced before.

i can honestly say me and you are the same...and unfortunatley people do consider us douches...many people tell me just to go out and do somethng about it so i wont be lonely or depressed but unless your in the shoes you dont know how it is....coming from someone else who is in your shoes all i can say is keep your head up buddy...good things come to those who are patient and wait or so ive been told..so were due for something great dont lose hope

I know exactly how that feels, I’ve been told numerous times to just do it, to just make friends, to go to parties, etc etc. This is what gets me, the only way to have fun and such in my town is to apparently go out every night and get stoned and drunk out of your mind. I hate alcohol, and I don’t smoke anything. People tell me I need to lighten up and let go, have some fun, but I would like to remember my evening, no matter how dull and lonely it was. I thought running into this girl from my past was my ‘big reward’ for waiting and being patient for so long, doesn’t seem that way though.

---

unfortunatley for me at the age of 23 im border line alcoholic...had alot of good times on alcohol and alot of bad times...i thought but getting shitfaced with freinds was fun until i got arrested for dwi and those freinds where nowhere to be found when i needed them...if ur gonna drink ...drink with moderation...and as far a girls ive been waiting for the right one to come down the road but i think she might of gotten wrong directions...i have my days where i hate everything and it all goes back to how lonely i am. but i think to myself someday she will come i mean ive waited 23 years...whats one more right?

---

I suppose, it just sucks seeing everyone around me with someone else, and happy. Wondering, 'why can't I be with someone?' Hell, even ****** bag a-holes are getting girls, when all I want, as an actaul good person, is someone to hang out with, watch some movies, take a bike ride, etc etc. One day I will find that someone, just hope its sooner rather than later.

---

thats one thing i hate a pet peeve of mine...******* ******* and and douchebags and dumbasses have everything and a really nice girl...

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

I wish i could go up and ask the girls what the hell they are thinking, but then that would just turn me into a ****** as well, so it wouldnt matter.

 

[Ak5]

No it wouldn't. Using girls, that is being a ******. You like a girl, you want to spend time with her, hang out, get into her pants, that's not being a ******.

You mentioned you were chubby. Does that affect your self-esteem much? If it does, consider joining a gym. Losing weight is a huge confidence booster (I know from personal experience). Also, there's plenty of people at the age of 19 who haven't had experience with girls, so don't worry about it! Hell, I'm getting older, and still I have no experience. :club:

But you can do something about it. Take initiative dude.

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

Yea, 5'8" tall, got a beer gut, but never drink beer..

Maybe that’s the problem? Because she’s a huge fitness nut. All into working out, eating strict vegetarian/nothing processed, etc. She's also taller than me.. I hate to think it but maybe she doesn’t like that I’m shorter than her and out of shape..

And yea, huge strain on my self-confidence, especially being in college, every other guy is either a body builder or a jock.. not too great for my self-esteem. I used to do Kung Fu, was great for burning calories and such, but i never ate healthy, I’d work out for 4 hours, go home and eat a bunch of chips and ice cream and stuff.. Finally got some money now though, going to join back up at the end of May, now that I know about eating healthy, should go good.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What college is this?

The college I go to has people of all shapes, sizes, and colors. I am about 50 pounds overweight, and have a beer gut, but there are people there who are much, much fatter than I am...not just guys, but women, too!

The problem I see with you here is that you're assuming that all jocks are the same. They're not. I was a skinny nerd in high school (still am a nerd, but no longer skinny), but I had a few friends on the football team my freshman year. One time, I was in the bathroom, and the entire football team came inside. I assume they were going to try to put my head down the toilet, but one of the guys was my good friend, and he told me to get out of there. He also held back one of the guys who tried to go after me.

I was never bothered again, and in fact the football players invited me to sit at their table with the cheerleaders several times my freshman year after that.

Being a jock just means you're good at sports, but it doesn't mean you have air for brains. The brain is a muscle, and some dudes exercise their whole body, including their brain. And like everywhere in the world, not every single person who looks the same, acts the same.

I think you need to A.) switch colleges, B.) throw yourself into losing weight and being healthy, and C.) stop beating yourself up over stereotypes. Everyone struggles, man. Even the popular people. I had a friend, a very pretty girl, who was suicidal because she thought everyone hated her...she was popular.

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

Just like a Community College.. Unfortunately, about 90% of the jocks in my area are the stereotypical air-head a-holes. I guess I should just say the area I live is full of stereotypical douches.

I know how you feel, I sat and ate alone my entire high school career, and even now, 2 years into my college. The only respect I ever got in high school was when people learned that I did Kung Fu, and then I hung out with the 'Martial Artists clique'. I was already a ‘big’ person, and I guess knowing I did Kung Fu added to the ‘don’t mess/talk/become friends with that guy’ mindset.

I took a weight lifting class my second year in HS, was full of football players, my only friend at that time was in there too.. some of the players were making fun of him, so I said something silly about football, guys in tights holding and groping each other, etc etc.. So that may be why the football team didn’t like me in HS, lol..

 

[Ak5]

Forget about jocks. You have the unfortunate fate of living in a town filled with them. Best thing you can do is avoid them, or join them! Work out hardcore and join their ranks. It's up to you lol. But being a musclehead does not make you ultimately superior or inferior to anyone else. And also, are you sure that 90% of people in your college are the stereotypical jocks? Cause that's kind of hard to believe. It might be your mind playing tricks on you lol. I'm sure that there are other kinds of people in your college as well; skinny, chubby, tall, short, built, and so on, maybe you just don't notice them.

Bottom line is: Most guys start working out by the time their a freshman in college, you should do the same. So good idea on joining the gym. Let me remind you that it is possible, just look at this thread.

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-exercise-success-thread

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You're missing my point.

It doesn't matter what you were in high school. You can change that now. You don't have to remain what you were. After high school, it doesn't matter.

I go to a community college, but I hang out with fellow geeks, and even the people that are popular...well, I could care less what they do in their time. As long as they respect me, we're cool.

This is your problem. You don't respect yourself, so other people can't respect you. Instead of stating that women only go after aholes, maybe you should re-examine that? Are they going after them because they're slimey, or are they going after them because they are assertive and confident?

And Ak5, I never got into working out. That isn't true for everyone. My former therapist was a geek who had never stepped into a gym, and he was successful and reasonably wealthy and had a family.

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

Nah, 90% of the jocks are the air-headed a-holes, not 90% of the school lol. We got fat, short, skinny, emo, nerdy, etc etc. But about 90% of the jocks are the a-holes. Just makes me think, like, 'wtf', when every other guy is either skinny and in shape or buff and ripped. Also doesnt help that all the girls i see are hanging off one of the above mentioned. I maybe see 1 couple a week where the girl is cute and in shape and the guy looks like he crawled out of the gutter lol.

Maybe I should make a club just for fat people.. so we can all talk and feel better about ourselves lol.

I dont know, i lack confidence bad, like, i try to be out there and such, but always get shut down. My second year of HS till i graduated, everyday during lunch i spent working out with a tutor/student guy from the local university. Great confidence booster for me, but i cant do that anymore cause im not in HS anymore, and no money for a gym untill now..

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

One of the most popular guys in my school had long hair, glasses, and was obese. Chicks, hot chicks, would hit him up for numbers, he always had parties to go to, and he had a million friends. That is because his personality and confidence was irresistible. He had a charm that was impossible to not be drawn to. Everyone liked him, me included.

I bet you, if I went to my college now, he'd be in the student lounge, playing ping pong or a video game. That could be you, if you A.) moved somewhere else where you wouldn't be surrounded by negativity, and B.) left all the negativity behind you where it belongs, in high school.

 

[EmptyFaces_EmptyEyes]

Thats why im into bicycling now, great workout, i guess. But, then it just reminds me of that girl, because shes the one that turned me on to bicycling in the first place, and it just sucks riding alone. Maybe i'll look on CL for a bike buddy lol..

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Sorry if I sounded harsh in my previous post. I'll remove the insult.

But one of the things I've learned is that this world can be a very cruel place. People are nasty to you, for absolutely no reason at all. Doesn't matter if you're short, tall, fat, in shape, ugly, attractive...people will be cruel. If you were in shape and had boatloads of confidence, you'd still face criticism from some idiots...that's just the way life is.

Instead of letting the wheel of life throw you down on the ground, get back on the wheel and learn to ride it. That's basically what you do throughout life, until your death....learn to ride that wheel.

 

[Ak5]

Bicycling is a great exercise. Do that cardiovascular workout, lose the weight, and then start doing strength training.

It's good that your taking initiative, that's what you need. I remember being just like you. Keep working hard dude!

Oh and Leaning, take a look at my post, I said most, not all.