I too have never had a significant other, no true friends, and I may as well run away from my family because they don't care about me. I have one "friend" from high school and we're pretty much friends out of convenience- both lonely and unwanted. But if i don't contact her i would never hear from her, so not much of a friendship. The second "friend" of mine is a girl who revealed to me that she "originally didn't understand why god would want her to be around someone like me but jesus told her to stay and 'help me'." So yeah, girl whose friendship began with me because "Jesus told her to do it" not much of a friendship there. Just friends with me for pity and to her get some brownie points into heaven. she too does not initiate communication with me. But you know what? its the best i can do and superficial chats with fake friends from time to time serves its purpose of letting me know i'm human in the least. I've tried to make friends during my time in Uni but i'm just not cool enough. I feel like an awkward loser in nearly every situation i'm in so i gave up. I don't try anymore because its pointless. I feel like a fool 99% of the time. I don't do drugs but my bulimia emerged as my loneliness grew and depression deepened. Its gross i know, but what people fail to realize is with bulimia its not about the food. Its the purge that releases these high levels of endorphines, empties out all my bad feelings, and silences the sadness for just a few moments. After that moment is gone you want to get it back. You chase that high like a drug. Its a disorder all about control and it came about just when I felt the most out of control. I want it to stop but just when i think its over something devastes me, and I slip back into my despair...and I need to feel that high again. I feel mia is my only friend at times and the only thing that makes me feel good in my silent world. So no...not a chemical substance form of drug, but my drug nonetheless. What makes drug abuse and eating disorders so crazy is the users KNOW the repercussions.We know what it can do to our bodies and we know they can kill us, so why do we do it anyway? I wonder the same thing about tabacco users. I'm no psychologist but i'm guessing that in these situations of severe loneliness, despair, and/or depression it is a subconscious (or conscious) way a giving up. Like, feeling nothing else matters not even our bodies? Anyway, I'm not much help but just sharing my story to show you that you are not alone. PM me anytime, I'm a listening ear..