Alone in a new place

[EverythingisBlue]

Hello, everyone. I just joined today and I'm already very thankful I found this forum.

I'm 29 and from USA. In the last 5 years I have lived in 3 different parts of my state. I just moved to a wealthy suburb a year and a half ago with my husband. Problem is, we're not wealthy! lol I was lucky to find a pretty good job within a month and I've been working there since. My husband has not been so lucky. After a year of trying, he couldn't find anything in his field (or anything at all for that matter), and finally got a part-time overnight retail job.

I work 8-5 Mon-Fri, and my husband works every Friday, Sat, and Sun night, along with some weekdays. Basically, we only see each other for an hour a day, if we're lucky. We can't go out and do anything together because our schedules clash so much. The last time we spent an entire day together was in July!!

I only have 2 friends here that I made through work, but they both have other responsibilities where they can't go hang out very often. Occasionally we get together for lunch during work, but when I get home from work the house is quiet and dark and my husband is asleep and it is terribly lonely. Then he wakes up, gets ready and leaves.

The weekends are the worst. The highlight of my weekend used to be going to get groceries, but lately I can barely drag myself out. Last weekend I didn't leave the house all weekend. Sometimes I just break down and cry randomly. When I wake up on a Saturday morning and realize that I have nothing to do and I'm goign to spend another weekend alone, I wonder why I bother getting out of bed. In the beginning I tried to find things to do to entertain myself and tried to "suck it up", but I'm out of ideas!

So basically I'm in a new area, where I feel like I don't belong, with very few friends and I'm almost always alone. When I try to talk to my husband about how lonely I feel, I get no comfort at all. He just views it as this is the way things have to be, so I should just accept it. I can't accept living a life of loneliness and i"m not sure what to do at this point. I feel like life is so short and I'm wasting mine being unhappy.

Anyway, that's my story.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site, EverythingisBlue. I think I said that somewhere else, too, but oh well. Now you have two welcomes from me.

Well, your husband might be saying that because he feels a bit down. Is that possible? Maybe he feels like he isn't doing his job as a provider for his family...and so is trying to avoid thinking about the situation and how unhappy it makes you. I don't think he's doing that because he's rude..

Try this: The next time you have a few free moments with him, just walk up to him, hug him tight, and tell him that he's doing a good job as your provider and that you're thankful he's working for the both of you...that might be a good door-opener to a conversation in which you can both openly talk about how this situation is making you both feel.

*shrug* I don't know either you or him well enough to really give advice like this, but...lol it never hurts to hug your guy, I guess.

----Steve

 

[packyourbags]

hi
welcome to the forum, and i think i agree with Steve. i think that your hubby wants you happy, and probably just feels bad. it feels so bad, not being able to find a decent job to provide for your family.

(hugs)

i am sure that you will pull through, you both sound like awesome people.
just keep being there for each other. it sounds like a tough time. so yes, hug each other, and be there for each other.

shade.

 

[Minus]

I am sorry that things have been so rough for you lately. Welcome to the forum, i'm glad that you are here.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

for better or for worse.

if the worst thing he is doing is being diligent and dedicated and strong and willing to just "suck it up" and move forward...i'd say it could be a lot worse.

problems in marriages "rarely" revolve around a scheduling conflict. there must be something else going on. maybe you need to work on yourself and your happiness and don't expect that he, the world, or anybody can "make you happy".

happiness is a journey, not a destination.

---

that, right there, is why i don't want to get married. the vows are meaningless to so many..........

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome.

 

[EverythingisBlue]

for better or for worse.


that, right there, is why i don't want to get married. the vows are meaningless to so many..........

Did I ever say I was thinking about divorce? Divorce is never an option for me. Thanks for LEAPING to conclusions. Are you even married? Don't bother commenting on my posts if you're going to say something hurtful.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

for better or for worse.


that, right there, is why i don't want to get married. the vows are meaningless to so many..........

Did I ever say I was thinking about divorce? Divorce is never an option for me. Thanks for LEAPING to conclusions.

did i say anything about a divorce either?

you can check out of a marriage, without doing it officially.

 

[EverythingisBlue]

for better or for worse.


that, right there, is why i don't want to get married. the vows are meaningless to so many..........

Did I ever say I was thinking about divorce? Divorce is never an option for me. Thanks for LEAPING to conclusions. Btw, where did you see in my post that I was "checking out"?? Way to offer marriage advice even though you're not married.

did i say anything about a divorce either?

you can check out of a marriage, without doing it officially.

I agree, but it's not happening here (at least on my end). Again, thanks for jumping to conclusions.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

for better or for worse.


that, right there, is why i don't want to get married. the vows are meaningless to so many..........

Did I ever say I was thinking about divorce? Divorce is never an option for me. Thanks for LEAPING to conclusions.

did i say anything about a divorce either?

you can check out of a marriage, without doing it officially.

I agree, but it's not happening here (at least on my end). Again, thanks for jumping to conclusions.

if it makes you feel better to be mad at me because of your current outlook on your marriage, then go right ahead, i don't mind.

anyways, welcome to the forum. i mean it. i'm new here. don't let me put you off with my opinion. sorry if i offend. it's just that you say i am jumping to conclusions, when i think that i read your story very clearly and it seems obvious (at least, in my view) that you appear to be checking out. does your husband know how you feel?

 

[EverythingisBlue]

for better or for worse.


that, right there, is why i don't want to get married. the vows are meaningless to so many..........

Did I ever say I was thinking about divorce? Divorce is never an option for me. Thanks for LEAPING to conclusions.

did i say anything about a divorce either?

you can check out of a marriage, without doing it officially.

I agree, but it's not happening here (at least on my end). Again, thanks for jumping to conclusions.

if it makes you feel better to be mad at me because of your current outlook on your marriage, then go right ahead, i don't mind.

anyways, welcome to the forum. i mean it. i'm new here. don't let me put you off with my opinion. sorry if i offend. it's just that you say i am jumping to conclusions, when i think that i read your story very clearly and it seems obvious (at least, in my view) that you appear to be checking out. does your husband know how you feel?

I can see why you're single.

Again, where am I "checking out"? Was I checking out when I got my husband's vday present 2 weeks ago, but he ran out and got me a card at the last minute this morning? He didn't even bother to TRY to take the night off last night so we could actually do something together (even though he has paid vacation time) Am I checking out when I tell him I love him and he's too busy staring at the computer to notice me? Am I checking out when I come home and make dinner for him every night? Am I checking out when I want to have sex with him all the time, even though I usually get turned down?

You know NOTHING about marriage, especially mine.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

When I try to talk to my husband about how lonely I feel, I get no comfort at all. He just views it as this is the way things have to be, so I should just accept it. I can't accept living a life of loneliness and i"m not sure what to do at this point. I feel like life is so short and I'm wasting mine being unhappy. - your words

i didn't say you were a bad person. and if he is truly neglecting your feelings like that, then who can blame you for the way you feel. but it seems like things have reached an impasse, wouldn't you agree? at least, judging by your own words?

i am not trying to hurt you or troll you. it's just that it seems like you are "done".

sorry if i took it wrong and threw my opinion out when i shouldn't have. if you tell me to shut up, i will.

 

[EverythingisBlue]

From looking at your post history, it looks like you are the one who doesn't take "marriage" very seriously. Way to project your own problems onto mine.

Oh, and that "I can't accept a life of loneliness" and all that does not mean that I'm going to leave my husband or "check out." It' just how I feel. I can't take it anymore. It doesn't mean that I'm going to do something about it. Haven't you ever felt like you couldn't take something anymore, yet went on living the best you know how because there's really no other choice?

So, yeah, go ahead and project yourself into my posts if it makes you feel any better to make someone else feel shittier.

btw, yes, please shut up

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

From looking at your post history, it looks like you are the one who doesn't take "marriage" very seriously. Way to project your own problems onto mine.

Oh, and that "I can't accept a life of loneliness" and all that does not mean that I'm going to leave my husband or "check out." It' just how I feel. I can't take it anymore. It doesn't mean that I'm going to do something about it. Haven't you ever felt like you couldn't take something anymore, yet went on living the best you know how because there's really no other choice?

So, yeah, go ahead and project yourself into my posts if it makes you feel any better to make someone else feel shittier.

btw, yes, please shut up

sorry. maybe i jumped the gun. i've got a little angst against marriage. but i assure you, i don't mean to make you feel worse.

 

[Something Creative]

Hey EverythingisBlue, welcome aboard.

I sent your a PM, but thought I would mention it here as well. If you need to talk or just keep your mind occupied I would not mind meeting new people. I'm looking to make a few friends myself so we can all get out of this funk.

 

[samba101]

Hi I can sympathise with you I've been in a relationship where my ex worked all the time and didn't make friends very well. I was very lonely during that time and like me you sound like your heading into depression.

 

[EveWasFramed]

OK, misunderstandings of posts occur all the time here. An apology has been made, please, lets move on.