LonelySutton
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 10, 2014
- Messages
- 721
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I think I expect too much from people... but typically I make a friend. We have a long term friendship. I typically let a lot go. For while the slights don't even really bother me. But at a certain point... the mass weight of the slights hits me in one last final thing that "flips the switch". That is the best way I can describe it. Once this happens, it is never the same. I don't see them the same. I don't want to be their friend. I don't think they are interesting. I don't think they are funny. I don't like them anymore and that, is probably never going to change. In addition, since I am extremely independent, unlike most people, I don't care if I have friends. So when there is someone who isn't meeting my needs, I want to drop them like a hot potato.
This typically comes as a horrible shock to the friend. First, shock that some little issue would destroy the friendship... especially after years of doing similar things without objection and second, that I don't seem to value their friendship after years of valueing it.
In high school I had this close friend. I spent like 4 years as her close friend and she went to college. We still talked all the time on the phone. One day we were talking and she was telling me he boyfriend was selling drugs. I was shocked and advised her to get away from him and, for my trouble, got told I didn't know what I was talking about because I didn't have a boyfriend. This flipped the switch. I ended the conversation and never talked to her again. About 4 years later she caught me by calling my house and I picked up. I talked to her politely and I am pretty sure she thought we were friends again, but, no.
So I am in the situation again. I have had a co worker for 10 years. We were friends but I think possibly because I had to be. Work would be unpleasant if I wasn't friends with her. She stopped working with me last year and things have been bothering me more and more. They kind of peaked this summer. She didn't even really do anything but it became clear to me that she liked another friend -- who did do something to me -- more than me. The switch was flipped. She has been trying ever since but everything she has done since has just annoyed me and made me even more convinced I need to drop her. What has held me off is the fact that she still works in the building that I do and that can be awkward to run into her. I have been trying to hint to her but she just doesn't get the hint. She is always coming to my office. I never go to hers. She asks me to go to lunch.. I don't ask her. I unfreind her from facebook... she gets upset and asks me why.
I don't get it... you should just pay attention and realize it is over. I am not going to defend my feelings.
I don't know... on some level I feel like , why does this keep happening, but on the other level I feel like it is normal for people to grow apart.
Should I tell her? I don't see the point. She will probably just try to argue me back into friendship but that isn't possible ... I don't like her anymore.
This typically comes as a horrible shock to the friend. First, shock that some little issue would destroy the friendship... especially after years of doing similar things without objection and second, that I don't seem to value their friendship after years of valueing it.
In high school I had this close friend. I spent like 4 years as her close friend and she went to college. We still talked all the time on the phone. One day we were talking and she was telling me he boyfriend was selling drugs. I was shocked and advised her to get away from him and, for my trouble, got told I didn't know what I was talking about because I didn't have a boyfriend. This flipped the switch. I ended the conversation and never talked to her again. About 4 years later she caught me by calling my house and I picked up. I talked to her politely and I am pretty sure she thought we were friends again, but, no.
So I am in the situation again. I have had a co worker for 10 years. We were friends but I think possibly because I had to be. Work would be unpleasant if I wasn't friends with her. She stopped working with me last year and things have been bothering me more and more. They kind of peaked this summer. She didn't even really do anything but it became clear to me that she liked another friend -- who did do something to me -- more than me. The switch was flipped. She has been trying ever since but everything she has done since has just annoyed me and made me even more convinced I need to drop her. What has held me off is the fact that she still works in the building that I do and that can be awkward to run into her. I have been trying to hint to her but she just doesn't get the hint. She is always coming to my office. I never go to hers. She asks me to go to lunch.. I don't ask her. I unfreind her from facebook... she gets upset and asks me why.
I don't get it... you should just pay attention and realize it is over. I am not going to defend my feelings.
I don't know... on some level I feel like , why does this keep happening, but on the other level I feel like it is normal for people to grow apart.
Should I tell her? I don't see the point. She will probably just try to argue me back into friendship but that isn't possible ... I don't like her anymore.