Osiris said:
No, it didn't come across as too harsh. Maybe saying I'm a bad person just because I have mental issues was a little harsh but I didn't post this thread wanting people to kiss my ass. I'm far from hiding behind my problems, my sister always tells me I don't tell them anything. Which is my fault, I don't like people thinking my problems make me weak (Which at times it does, but not everyday). But my dad's exactly the same as me, he doesn't like talking about anything and avoids it. We're almost too similar at times. The problem is though he thinks people with mental health problems are stupid, yeah I know how horrible that sounds but it's true. He said to me a week ago when I was trying to explain my anxiety to him, his exact words were "I don't know why you have these problems you know? You're not silly, you're not stupid so I struggle to understand" so I'm not assuming what he thinks. I already know he doesn't understand because he's told me. I love him and I'm trying to build a better relationship with him but sometimes it seems like he'd rather not. Everyone says he loves me and speaks highly of me when I'm not around, but to me, he constantly critises me and puts me down. The thing is I do always think I'm wrong, but this is the first time people have told me I'm being the bigger person. So I know I'm not doing anything wrong and meaning too. I know I'm a good person, but with this depression and anxiety I feel it makes me a bad son. In MY opinion.
Alright, cool lol.
Let me give you some "fatherly advice" lol. I can do that, I am one. That's one place I think I know my honeysuckle.
EVERY parent who's self respecting does this. You're dad's probably like a lot of dad's around, myself included; he wants you to be the best. He wants to raise Superman. Of course, sometimes we're dumb and clueless. He probably doesn't realize he's berating you or criticizing you and that you feel it's negative; he's doing it so you'll listen and improve yourself. In his mind, he's doing it for you. To make you better. To help you. Hell, I get my daughters score cards and I'm like "85 in math? What happened?" I'm not doing it for me. What do I care if she gets 50 lol. I'm doing it for her. She has dreams, she has hopes, she wants to be something, I'm pushing her to be the best. To not want to settle for less than perfection. So, me being a moron sometimes, she needs to reel me in. "I like 85, that's a good score". End of story. I don't push.
That's something you can tell your father. "Cut me some slack". If you start with "I know you're trying to help me, and I appreciate it, BUT...." and then tell him it makes you feel like a bad son (in more diplomatic words, of course), he's liable to realize he's pushing too hard. And he won't see it as you criticizing him. Might be an approach you want to take. You're the boss in this. Of course, it's really hard for me to say all this without knowing either of you well. It's hypothesis, so it's up to you to call the shots. But try and think outside the box.
"saying I'm a bad person just because I have mental issues was a little harsh"
AHAHAH! I'll stop you right there, that is NOT what I said. I don't know if you're a bad person or not, I don't know you; for all I know you might be the chillest guy in the world. Beats me, you're a couple of countries away lol.
What I did say, however, is that always saying "mental issues" every time something bad comes along as the reason you can't do something, doesn't make you the good guy of this story. Anyway, that's kind of a stupid analogy altogether, this ain't the wild west; there are no good guys or bad guys when it comes to father-son relationships. Wether you're convinced of it or not, it isn't a contest and your dad wants you and him to work out as much as you do, else he never would have showed up in your life again. Let me tell you a bit how I delt with my depression. Maybe it'll help you out.
"if you don't have depression this'll be hard to understand but I had absolutely no energy"
I have. I know exactly what you mean.
Because of that I can tell you;
"But depression isn't something you can just fight through"
It is. In fact, it's the only way to overcome it. Every day is a struggle. But if you let it get worse, it'll kill you. Everyday is an exercise in concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. Then, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year later, you realize you've been jogging for 15 minutes. And you were talking about that gym muscled body you wanted to get, well, that requires energy and if you're going to the gym, fair bet you got enough to spend some.
But as long as you let it control you, instead of trying to control IT, it'll only get worse.
I've been through 2 shrinks, including one who prescribed me those anti-depression (In my case it was Zolofts) medication. I got so down and so lacking in energy, not to mention wanting to kill myself, I tossed the lot after two months. I started eating right, excercising, as well as barelling through problems head on instead of keeping it inside. It was a drastic, violent change for me, because I've always been quiet and would take upon me, even when I was a kid with all the gang crap.
That helped me. I changed the situation in a way to get different outcomes, instead of expecting different results by doing the same things.
Depression is no different. Lots of people hide behind it and use it as an excuse. Of course, everyone is different, it hits others harder than some, but in the end, you're the only one who's going to pull yourself through. My solution was to treat it like the enemy. I killed it. It was a monster in my life and I was raised to believe that monsters need to be destroyed. With all I'm going through these days, people ask me how come I'm not suicidally depressive yet. I explain that I can't really afford the time to be on depression and it's **** true. I have responsibilities. I'm barely standing sometimes, but I'm a warrior.
Warriors fight.
If you think you're not good enough, BE better. Will yourself. Your will is stronger than anything else on this planet. You'll realize this when you force your body to follow what your mind tells it to do. Suicide? Waste of time. You got honeysuckle to do, son. Go do it. Your dad doesn't think you're cut for it? Prove him wrong and in 5 years, shove it down his throat.
Anyways, that was how I dealt with it. Just know that it won't get better by itself, you have to do something about it. Takes time, but like any foe, it can be defeated. And if you KNOW you're a good person, then why the hell listen to the voice that says you're a bad son? You know it's the depression talking, don't listen to it, man lol.
Maybe you are the bigger person. I don't know. Like I said, don't know either of you. That's for you to say. If there's anything of value in anything I've written, it's up to you to take some, all or none of it and do of it as you see fit. Boom. That's it ;-)
Anyway, take care bro.