Anyone else afraid of letting people into their lives?

[SomeoneSomewhere]

I have this really irrational fear/paranoia where I fear that a person might get to know me too much, might get to close to me, like I might give away too much about myself, etc.

A part of it comes from my trust issues and the rest... hell knows where it comes from! But I just know that it's there and it makes me push away people, people who (possibly) love and care about me.

So if anyone has this problem and has solved it, I would love to hear your stories.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Pretty much yeah, you let someone in and get close they end up letting you down.

 

[Locke]

Yes. I also have trust issues and other things that keep me apart from people, but I've been trying anyway. Turns out no one wants to be let into my life. So I don't have a solution, but there are really only two choices: Give up or keep trying.

 

[Spiderpope]

Yes, i am. The way i feel most of the time is that if i let someone in, then inevitably they will grow to hate me and leave. So why bother trying to begin with.

It's so easy to give advice to others and see what they need to do. Sorting out your own messed up head on the other hand is way more difficult :S

 

[Mentality]

Yes, I know this feeling well. Anytime someone gets too close to me it turns out for the worse. Yet for some reason I keep falling for it and letting it happen, hoping one day someone will stay. Unfortunately many of us who have this fear are only human, and will often continue to want some sort of relationship to build between ourselves and some other human being.

Unfortunately I have yet to solve it and don't have much advice for you, but I acknowledge that at least 90% of the problem is entirely my fault. Though at times humans can be very cruel creatures, and simply look for any chance to take advantage of something or someone. But who can blame them? That's how we get ahead in the world.

It's tough, but we can only work on ourselves as people and learn to differentiate between the people who care for us and the people who don't. And perhaps if you're foolish enough, you could trust others more easily in the hopes that one day somebody you care for happily wanders deep into your life.

 

[Tiina63]

I have the same problem. I want so much to be close to people, but have been let down badly and bullied a lot, and it does make me very nervous. Still, when the alternative is to stop trying and to live in complete isolation, I know I have to keep on hoping and trying.

 

[blackdot]

I'm not so much afraid as I am tired of letting people into my life.
In the end, everyone else is out for themselves and I'm going to be forgotten.
It's painful to constantly try to connect with someone only to have them disappear when something else comes up.

 

[Verus]

For me it's like a preemptive strike against possible bad outcomes. Cowardly and pathetic, I know.

Somehow it's just very hard to take that extra step and develop things further than the sort of relationship that acquaintances have. Sometimes I don't even doubt that I'm the only one responsible for my loneliness, and other times i think that even if I tried things would fail. So my most optimistic thought is that it's the fault of my cowardice rather than being awful company which is kinda funny in a sad way

What can be done? I guess we all know in our minds what is most helpful in our situation, be it a more active approach towards people or trust. It's just difficult to put into practice. When one hears about or experiences at least one terrible occurrence one forgets countless positive ones.
Eh.

 

[blackdot]

Verus> I know someone I went to college with who is like that. He is 42 and doesn't want to let people in his life to avoid the future pain. He still lives with his parents and doesn't leave the house other than for work (which is a family business).

 

[Verus]

Verus> I know someone I went to college with who is like that. He is 42 and doesn't want to let people in his life to avoid the future pain. He still lives with his parents and doesn't leave the house other than for work (which is a family business).

Well it's still a long way to 42 for me so I hope I'll fix it by then. Also due to my chosen profession I think I won't live with my parents and will meet countless new people each day. If I succeed in my studies of course.

 

[9006]

I feel somewhat similar, only I feel vulnerable.

It takes a lot for me to trust someone, it's something you earn.

I have this really irrational fear/paranoia where I fear that a person might get to know me too much, might get to close to me, like I might give away too much about myself, etc.

A part of it comes from my trust issues and the rest... hell knows where it comes from! But I just know that it's there and it makes me push away people, people who (possibly) love and care about me.

 

[xaero]

I don't think it's irrational at all. Humans are probably the most untrustworthy creatures to have ever existed. You can't expect someone not to let you down. That's why it's important to learn how to be independent in all walks of life. Granted, this post probably seems really biased, as if I've had bad experiences in the past. I have. I've yet to meet someone trustworthy and dependable.

 

[Baka]

I have this really irrational fear/paranoia where I fear that a person might get to know me too much, might get to close to me, like I might give away too much about myself, etc.

A part of it comes from my trust issues and the rest... hell knows where it comes from! But I just know that it's there and it makes me push away people, people who (possibly) love and care about me.

So if anyone has this problem and has solved it, I would love to hear your stories.

Solved, lol. I have it though, it's almost instinctive. The very moment someone asks me to do something, like outside of work, I immediately get a feeling of dread. I can't remember when last I openly accepted an invitation like that. I either change the subject or make up some excuse.

It's quite funny really. You hate your life and want nothing more than to connect with someone, yet you are the predominant reason for your situation. Who needs enemies, right?!

:club:

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I don't think it's irrational at all. Humans are probably the most untrustworthy creatures to have ever existed. You can't expect someone not to let you down. That's why it's important to learn how to be independent in all walks of life. Granted, this post probably seems really biased, as if I've had bad experiences in the past. I have. I've yet to meet someone trustworthy and dependable.

I'm dependable, really I am!