ToddShark said:
If your feelings during Valentine's day are similar, I'm interested what's your strongest thought in your mind. Whether it's depression, anger, envy,...
I'm interested how single man (especially over 30) is handling this day.
(If you want, please, share your approx. age - 30,35,40,45,...)
Thanks.
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Todd
My feelings are pretty similar. I'm a guy, I'll be turning 30 this year, and I've always been single. All that's happened to me, as far as romantic/sexual things go, were 3 random make-out sessions spaced out over 11 years - none of which were even with girls I wanted to kiss in the first place. I just found myself in the situation and couldn't figure out a way to get out of it without being rude. Nobody has ever really wanted to go out with me, as far as I can tell, and these last couple years I have tried really hard to look inside myself and figure out why.
The first feeling I have is anger. I'm angry at the situation. I still feel like I got robbed, shown up, embarrassed. I feel anger that I was muscled out of the best chances I'm probably ever going to get for romantic love and I couldn't fight back somehow. It makes me feel worthless as a male. I'm angry that I couldn't figure out what to do in time to have prevented it. I'm angry that there's now a ceiling on how well I can do in relationships now - no matter who I date now, I can't do as well as I could have done. Not unless I get another chance.
I am angry with myself for allowing it to happen when I should have known better by then. It shouldn't have even gotten to that point. I'm angry with myself for not having learned how to be attractive to women when every other guy did. It's one thing that I didn't date in junior high, and even high school it wasn't really that big of a deal. But by the end of college, I feel like I should have had it figured out by then, even if I wasn't actually dating. I shouldn't have still been having problems with this by the time I met my crushes.
I'm angry that I'm having to try so hard to piece together the details of how to be attractive and I don't even know for sure if I'm getting any closer to figuring it out or if I'm still way off target because all I have are guesses. I'm angry that I can't make any sense of attraction on my own when every other guy seems to know this instinctively. I just wish I knew where to start and how to go in the right direction.
The second feeling I have is sadness. I'm sad that I messed up so badly when I was given the chances I'd always been waiting for. I had some really good chances for romantic love with girls that I feel like I really could have dated, and would have loved to date if only I knew how to present myself. I tell myself that maybe someday they will be free again, and maybe I'll have more going for me and make a new, better impression with them that will sweep the old one away, and maybe we'll re-connect and they'll give me a chance. It has happened before for other people, so I say you never know. But it doesn't look too good right now, and I don't see how it would ever get better. It's such a long shot. And that saddens me, because I'm pretty sure I'll never meet anyone who I would like to date as much as them again.
That's how Valentine's Day makes me feel. It reminds me of my failures, and for that, I really don't care for it. It makes me feel imprisoned in singledom. I just wonder when it will end.