Being Treated Poorly

[Forsaken-Knight]

What is it in human nature that makes us continue to want to be with people who treat us badly?  

Ive seen this here on the forum..Ive experienced it multiple times in my life.  
Youll..be in a relationship with someone they will lie...cheat...leave you..yet you still yearn for them...wish them to beg forgiveness and come back...and most of the time you would gladly take them back....

There is some fundamental flaw with this way of thinking......

:club: this fits this post perfectly!

 

[Yukongirl]

Because even a bad relationship is better than being alone for many of us? And youre right, it shouldn't be that way

 

[user 115627]

What Yukongirl said. In addition, some people can only feel alive and thrive in turbulent and possibly even dangerous situations. I suppose it can depend on the environment they grew up in and how they experienced love and care. If they only experienced misery in direct relation to intimacy, they might not be able to live without the former...just an idea.

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

Because even a bad relationship is better than being alone for many of us?  And youre right, it shouldn't be that way

interesting perception....

 

[Yukongirl]

Because even a bad relationship is better than being alone for many of us?  And youre right, it shouldn't be that way

interesting perception....

Personal experience....

Sadly

 

[TheSkaFish]

For me, it is proving to them that I am not just fundamentally a loser, but that the problems I had were temporary and not really all I could be. It's also that they didn't always treat me badly. I think that's the difference. I don't mind writing off people who have only ever treated me badly. But people who used to show me kindness, I can't just forget that. I feel like I need to show them that I'm better than they think because I acknowledge I was a mess back then and wouldn't have been that way if I knew better. I always wanted to be something other than that but I just didn't know how yet.

 

[SofiasMami]

What is it in human nature that makes us continue to want to be with people who treat us badly?  

Ive seen this here on the forum..Ive experienced it multiple times in my life.  
Youll..be in a relationship with someone they will lie...cheat...leave you..yet you still yearn for them...wish them to beg forgiveness and come back...and most of the time you would gladly take them back....

There is some fundamental flaw with this way of thinking......

:club: this fits this post perfectly!

I don't think there's any easy and concise answer to this. It depends on the person.
Maybe they were treated poorly by their family growing up and that's all they're comfortable with now.
Maybe their thoughts are distorted by depression and they don't think there are better people out there.
Maybe they're isolated in a small town and there aren't many other types of people they can hang out with.
Maybe they don't go looking for trouble but trouble comes looking for them.

 

[ardour]

This is a bit pop psychology, but at a guess the reason people to value an emotionally distant/sometimes abusive partner in preference to someone who genuinely cares is because they interpret emotional investment from others as neediness, which holds less meaning.

Neglect during childhood, the desire for back-and-forth dramas seem like plausible reasons as well.

 

[madl024]

What is it in human nature that makes us continue to want to be with people who treat us badly?  

Ive seen this here on the forum..Ive experienced it multiple times in my life.  
Youll..be in a relationship with someone they will lie...cheat...leave you..yet you still yearn for them...wish them to beg forgiveness and come back...and most of the time you would gladly take them back....

There is some fundamental flaw with this way of thinking......

:club: this fits this post perfectly!

Been on that situation also. Up to this time, I'm still trying to understand that human nature. 

Maybe each one of us at some point of our lives wants to take risk and hope that someday he or she will change and will not do the same mistake again (sad part because we try to let ourselves believe that it will happen). Haisstttttt.

 

[mari1969]

Because even a bad relationship is better than being alone for many of us?  And youre right, it shouldn't be that way

At this moment of my life (I'm 47) the answer of that question is yes.

 

[Tealeaf]

I think it's simply fear of being alone and without security. Even an unkind partner is still a reassurance that you're not alone (although to me, it's the same thing and poison is not a meal). Some people in abusive relationships come to believe that they're not smart or strong enough to fend for themselves.

It's also hard to find people who'll be good to you and depressing to search sometimes. Life is full of so many little tantalizing hints of love that aren't real, like people who only show up in your life when they hear you've got money or just broke up. It's easy for some people to try to rationalize away the warning signs and have something to hold onto.

 

[MyTherapyisALL]

I don't believe it is human nature to want to be in bad relationships. I believe that people stay in bad relationships only because they fear the unknown. No one wants to be treated badly - simply put, it makes you feel bad! I noticed usually that people stay because of money (evil spouse is the breadwinner), children, low-self esteem, fear of never finding a partner again etc. That or they've never known what a normal relationship is and thus accept the abuse.