cabin fever

[Limlim]

Holy honeysuckle I'm starting to go loopy. I've been in a tent with the same 6 sweaty guys for a month and it's starting to affect me. I had a few odd stares from them when I started talking to my stuff.

Me: "Oh you crazy boots, look at you all the way over there in the corner... sittin there."

Them: "Thats cause you kicked them there last night buddy"

Me: "Yeah well, those ******* should get over here and get on my feet."

Them: "... They can't, boots are inanimate objects. By their very nature this is not something they can do."

Me: "Thats what you want me to think you silly boots. Once the others leave they'll get up and have a party. Lefty though will go over to the other corner to get away from the other boots cause he's a rebel and doesn't play by anybodies rules. fresia you boots, fresia you and your stupid lazy asses, get on my feet!"

At this point I started laughing.

 

[Barbaloot]

Aw Lim. <3

 

[Gutted]

Lol What are you doing in a tent with these people? And why wont they wash? D,=

 

[Limlim]

Im on month 2 of a 3 month combat exercise. They smell because we work outside all day and are limited to one shower every 2 days.

Today I made moaning noises while I held a label maker up to my crotch and it spewed out a long white label marked "secret line".

 

[MissGuided]

^ I hope you were smart enough to use protection, Lim....

 

[Limlim]

Today the sargeant major called the entire camp together and accused us of not taking the mission seriously. at this point while standing beside him, I let out a long slow fart.

The entire camp started laughing and I was told I was on kitchen duty for the rest of the month. However I was saved when my boss consulted the queens regulations and orders and found an entry which stated that no member shall be punished for bodily functions. it was glorious.

 

[Barbaloot]

lmao

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Righteous.

 

[Limlim]

we don't know what we are doing but somehow we got outside comms working. now the very man that wanted to put me on kitchen duty thinks I am a rockstar.

I then performed pelvic thrusts to rod stewarts "if you think I'm sexy" ..... which I played over the pa system. My section members joined in. the sargeant major as of yet has refused to comment.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Reading that made me lose a little respect for the military...I don't know why it just did. Maybe it was the long fart next to your CO. :/

 

[Limlim]

sometimes you just have to fart. though I would rather you lose respect for me as an individual

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Hmmmmm, somehow that still doesn't sound like a good idea. It's probably best that you stop farting around, and start practicing holding it in, saving it for one glorious, glorious moment. I mean, in combat situations, if you were faced in a one and one situation in which absolute quiet was necessary, you could give your regiment away by your smoke signals. Plug it with your finger if you need to, you know?

/I don't really know how war works

 

[Mans]

Don't you worry if you are in an actual battlefield and you fart so the enemies discover your location accurately

 

[Sci-Fi]

sometimes you just have to fart. though I would rather you lose respect for me as an individual

Hmm...okay that I can work with

All soldiers fart in the battlefield, it's one the ingredients in tear gas. Plus if you end up in hand to hand combat what better way to distract your opponent than letting out a huge ripe fart. They can also be used as flame throwers.

 

[Limlim]

today I called up a naval commander and asked for phone access codes. before I could finish he got mad and said he wanted a major or above to talk to him. So I passed the phone over to a major who was standing beside me and he was like "yeah we need the codes for the thingy so the dohicky can talk to the stuff" there was an awkward silence before the commander sighed and asked to speak to the corporal from earlier.

never really understood the purpose of self importance. I always wonder if I'll turn into a big bag of ****** if I get promoted to a significant rank.

 

[MissGuided]

^ When you do get promoted, may we call you 'Commander ******'? Pleeeeease?

 

[Limlim]

only naval officers get to be a commander, I'm enlisted air force

 

[MissGuided]

Sooooo....Major ******, then?

 

[Limlim]

End of day orders:

Do not, I repeat, do not put your rifle between your legs and poke other members in the ass with it.

 

[Limlim]

Today they did a simulated rocket attack on the camp during dinner time. put on my flack vest, helmet, grabbed my rifle and strapped on my gas mask carrier and headed over to the bunker to get in ranks with everyone else.

The sargent was not pleased to see me standing in full fighting order at attention while I stuffed my face with cookies. What a dick.