can't believe I'm here

[lonely_love]

This is so messed up. Yeah, I'm depressed. Yeah, I'm somewhat suicidal, and I've been that way for a week. Talking to my boyfriend WORKS. I love him, he loves me, and I feel wonderful and not self-ARGH whenever I talk to him. But, no, Boyfriend is telling me that I'm too dependent on him. He sent me the link to this site.

*sighs*

I ... I don't want to be this way. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to live this life. Sure, my life is great. I live with a roof over my head, food on the table...all thanks to abusive parents. Oh, yeah, life is great. I'm here, I'm alive. I just don't want to do this anymore. But, my boyfriend won't let me move in with him until I have my degree. I have a therapy session on Thursday. It's fantastic, isn't it? I'm never going to kill myself. If I was going to, I'd be dead by now. I've sffered from clinical depression for YEARS, and I'm still here.

I hate my boyfriend for telling me to go away. Way to confirm my fear of abandonment, dude. So, yeah, I'm on this site because I don't have any friends here (the only friend I have is a psych- major with a fear of talking to people that're depressive b/c she OD'd one time in India). Hello.
-Monica

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs monica*

i'm sorry your boyfriend isn't being very supportive, I don't know much about gys, but I'm sure he still cares for you

I've been in a simlar situation in high school, i had no friends and i had been living with my mom is is a hanious ***** i thought a fair amount about sucide
and it sucked, but I found ways to still feel good, I did a little bit of work at my grandparents bookstore i would ride my bike and work out

and eventually thank god I was able to move out from my moms place

and now things are pretty good and i hope they'll continue

you don't know what's to come, the future is still yours to make


*hugs*

 

[Enchanted Girl]

*gives Monica a big hug*

I know exactly how you feel! I'm in a very similar situation to you. My boyfriend is my only real friend. It was the same with my ex (who abandoned me.) And I struggle to make friends in real life. I actually have to go out once a week just so I don't seem too dependent to my boyfriend (even though I have no friends to go out with) because I am terrified of him saying the same thing as yours did. It seems like people get all scared and panicky to be close to someone who actually NEEDS them and therefore, lonely & desperate people get stuck in bad cycles.

Anyway, we're here for you. It's actually really hard and scary to depend on someone like that for your happiness because they can easily abandon you. I'm trying to find ways not to do that, but when you don't have a lot of friends, it's hard!

 

[I'm Fine]

Hi Monica,

Maybe your boyfriend feels that you need more support than he can give. Perhaps having more people listen and accept you will mean that you can enjoy the time you spend together a bit more instead of always having to focus on him making you feel better? It can be hard when someone you care for (and is supposed to care for you) does seem to be to pull away but I don't think that means he's telling you to go away - simply that there are limits to how much he can help. That's just how it seems to me, I could be wrong.

And Enchanted Girl, I agree totally that it's hard and scary to depend on one person. That's why I'm here - to try and find more friends so that I'm not totally dependant on my one friend that I get to talk to for all my emotional support. I hope you find what you need.

Good luck to both of you.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Hi Monica,

Maybe your boyfriend feels that you need more support than he can give. Perhaps having more people listen and accept you will mean that you can enjoy the time you spend together a bit more instead of always having to focus on him making you feel better? It can be hard when someone you care for (and is supposed to care for you) does seem to be to pull away but I don't think that means he's telling you to go away - simply that there are limits to how much he can help. That's just how it seems to me, I could be wrong.

Exactly my thoughts too. Sometimes we don't realize how much we are putting on that said person who we go to. Trust me, being on both ends it is VERY draining, especially when you care about that person. I had a friend who ALWAYS called me because I'd make her feel better or was a voice of reason in her otherwise chaotic mind. It put A LOT of stress on me and our relationship, it got to the point where I just didn't want to answer the phone when she called. He obviously loves you very much or wouldn't have told you about this site. So don't hate him.

Welcome to the site.