please only the severely chronically depressed or in severe long term pain for this post as i genuinely want to hear from you, please no comments from others however much you mean well, this is a sincere question i have;
as yall know by now im in chronic pain and had real lovers kill themselves and been abused and raped, ive given my heart cautiously thinking it was safe to four people who all in some way either shattered it or like eve who dropped her life in the us and got strait here but ended her own life due to pain, when you do that ive found pain is almost like energy in the way that it isnt destroyed even though my body hurts all the time and my heart aches and isnt just broken its like a vase smashed so many times its more glue than vase, i am also chronically depressed where i want to die EVERY DAY and ending the day alive is the only thing on my daily goal list, but yeah when eve killed herself she escaped but alll the pain she was in she gave to me, if i killed myself all of my pain would go to my brother and mother, so in that way pain never truly disappears unless you have no family or friends.
where i am it is impossible to make a friend and you cant get a bus out of here and so i deal with all this alone, ive recently just had my heart shattered yet again, guilt is a terrible reason to stay alive it should be more positive like loving life or something but i hate it....for me it is nothing but a continuum of pain but i have nothing else, guilt to two people is all that stops me...
i ask others to answer in my position is that all that keeps you alive too???
do you have a religious believe that suicide is wrong or sinful?
do you fear death? i dont but i know many do.
do you have reasons i havent thought of? and (understanding the fact i cant leave a town that has no volunteering opportunities at all) is there anything other than the temporary 'up' of drugs that helps keep you alive that i could do? i cant have a pet either
ive tried exercise but i get even more depressed (and i worsen my back) as it just reminds me before my mums stroke my brother would walk around my favorite park where i used to live and i did much shamanism there where i had 'merged' with the entire woodland and the park felt like more of a home than any house ive been in, walking round the pathetic nature reserve here (its really lame) just feels depressing, as my brother used to walk with me a good 4 days outta the week, the park i loved so much is gone and we will never do that again even here so thats off the list...
those in the same position...how do you stay alive?
as yall know by now im in chronic pain and had real lovers kill themselves and been abused and raped, ive given my heart cautiously thinking it was safe to four people who all in some way either shattered it or like eve who dropped her life in the us and got strait here but ended her own life due to pain, when you do that ive found pain is almost like energy in the way that it isnt destroyed even though my body hurts all the time and my heart aches and isnt just broken its like a vase smashed so many times its more glue than vase, i am also chronically depressed where i want to die EVERY DAY and ending the day alive is the only thing on my daily goal list, but yeah when eve killed herself she escaped but alll the pain she was in she gave to me, if i killed myself all of my pain would go to my brother and mother, so in that way pain never truly disappears unless you have no family or friends.
where i am it is impossible to make a friend and you cant get a bus out of here and so i deal with all this alone, ive recently just had my heart shattered yet again, guilt is a terrible reason to stay alive it should be more positive like loving life or something but i hate it....for me it is nothing but a continuum of pain but i have nothing else, guilt to two people is all that stops me...
i ask others to answer in my position is that all that keeps you alive too???
do you have a religious believe that suicide is wrong or sinful?
do you fear death? i dont but i know many do.
do you have reasons i havent thought of? and (understanding the fact i cant leave a town that has no volunteering opportunities at all) is there anything other than the temporary 'up' of drugs that helps keep you alive that i could do? i cant have a pet either
ive tried exercise but i get even more depressed (and i worsen my back) as it just reminds me before my mums stroke my brother would walk around my favorite park where i used to live and i did much shamanism there where i had 'merged' with the entire woodland and the park felt like more of a home than any house ive been in, walking round the pathetic nature reserve here (its really lame) just feels depressing, as my brother used to walk with me a good 4 days outta the week, the park i loved so much is gone and we will never do that again even here so thats off the list...
those in the same position...how do you stay alive?