Comfortable, but Discontent

[barky]

Heya A.L.L. community:

Curious to know how many others are in a comfortable routine with their loneliness, but not really content with it. Stories or thoughts welcomed!

Separately, do you find that all others seem to be paired up with a significant other? I've felt this a lot lately - like everyone else has a companion.

Much love,
- Mike

 

[LonesomeLoner]

Firstly yeah everyone seems to be hooked up around my city, when I'm not!

I would say I'm in my comfort zone, in other words content with staying in all the time and seeing nobody. But on the other hand, I do feel discontent because I would love to have some friends that make the effort with me, and also a partner.

It's all about balancing the emotions for me. If I let it get to me I end up depressed.

 

[LonelyOrchid]

Hey,
Well I've always felt everyone but me is paired up when I'm single. I don't mind it now that I'm older cause I've developed the ability to be content with just my company. For me, I have a big family so being alone sometimes is a good thing! Do I get lonely sometimes? Hell yeah! But Right now I'm really looking for friends more than anything else.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Heya A.L.L. community:

Curious to know how many others are in a comfortable routine with their loneliness, but not really content with it. Stories or thoughts welcomed!

Separately, do you find that all others seem to be paired up with a significant other? I've felt this a lot lately - like everyone else has a companion.

Much love,
- Mike

That's me. I try to just take my mind off it any way I can. Going for walks, bike rides, reading, calling friends...sometimes drinking....

In the wake of a lousy thing that happened to me recently as far as relationships go, idk. I'm trying to change my story, trying to stop casting myself as a helpless, hopeless victim, trying to remind myself that things didn't have to be this way. But it does seem like it's easier for others to get into a relationship than it is for me. I'll be 28 in 2 weeks, haven't been on so much as one date. I'm also the only one in my circle of friends who has never had a girlfriend. So yea. I don't know when it will change or what it will take. I try to think about the choices I've made that have taken me here, I try to think, well maybe it's because I don't have a job. Maybe it's because I'm not interesting or exciting because I haven't read anything new in a while and I don't really do much. I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Heya A.L.L. community:

Curious to know how many others are in a comfortable routine with their loneliness, but not really content with it. Stories or thoughts welcomed!

Separately, do you find that all others seem to be paired up with a significant other? I've felt this a lot lately - like everyone else has a companion.

Much love,
- Mike

I have had all those feelings but they have passed.
There is no good repeating myself.
I am content. I don't have any friends just acquaintances.
Rather than thinking I am not good enough to attract women.
At the moment I sort of think I never meet any nice woman.
All the nice ones seem taken.
There is no point getting depressed about it.
My brother said 'be careful what you wish for' (regarding wanting a girlfriend) and I think that was good advice.

 

[Otofu]

I'm always discontent with my loneliness but strive to be as comfortable as possible with it because I see it as beyond my control, for the most part.

And yes, of course many people are paired. Sex and those types of relationships are a huge motivating factor to people, so its bound that so many people would have it. Having an SO seems to be the most common thing people strive for, to me, and I too see those pairings everywhere.

 

[edgecrusher]

I think it's one of those things that I only notice a lot with other people because it's something that I don't have.

 

[Jason Shaw]

I like being alone. I like reading alone, listening to music alone, walk by myself, sit alone, generally being alone with the silence filling the empty spaces around me.

But when I see the girl I like, her laughs, people having fun, groups discussing various things, someone helping someone else, I realize that
Even if I like being alone,
I don't like being lonely. I'd cheer for a significant other, but those days are behind me.

 

[barky]

Cheers for the replies all.

I too feel like acquaintances are all I have. I remember thinking way back in high-school and college that I was too busy with studies and extracurriculars to make connections, but now that I want a social life and have all the free-time for it, I can't build one.

Seems like the irony of life as a whole: when one is surrounded by potential friends, they're not wanted. And when one is left alone, he/she is desperate for any sort of connection.

 

[sk66rc]

I like being alone. I like reading alone, listening to music alone, walk by myself, sit alone, generally being alone with the silence filling the empty spaces around me.

But when I see the girl I like, her laughs, people having fun, groups discussing various things, someone helping someone else, I realize that
Even if I like being alone,
I don't like being lonely. I'd cheer for a significant other, but those days are behind me.

I feel very close to this... I'm very content with being alone... At times, I do find myself wanting so e company but generally speaking, I'm good by myself...

 

[Pike Creek]

It's interesting, about two years ago, I was so discontent. I'd been single for many years, and felt that the loneliness was intolerable. I used to love being alone, getting up and doing what I wanted, when I wanted etc...I never felt the pain of being solitary. So I made a huge effort, dated for a while and found my significant other a year and a half ago. As per the norm, the first few months were blissful and loving and lustful. But the last year, I've never felt so alone and lonely in my relationship. Maybe it's me, I want more and he won't (can't?) give it. Or maybe I wasn't really meant to share my life with someone. Maybe I was more content being alone...anyway, this is just a few thoughts that went through my head when I read your post. I'm in the process of deciding if I want to be single again or not.

 

[barky]

Sorry to hear that you're in such a predicament Pine Creek. Hopefully we can give some supportive feedback, or at the very least, afford you a place to unload your heavy thoughts. You are certainly not alone here!

By wanting more, do you mean time together or level of affection (quantity or quality)?

 

[Pike Creek]

Sorry to hear that you're in such a predicament Pine Creek. Hopefully we can give some supportive feedback, or at the very least, afford you a place to unload your heavy thoughts. You are certainly not alone here!

By wanting more, do you mean time together or level of affection (quantity or quality)?

Thank you. I wrote in another post that my bf spends all but dinner time we me these days. We both work from home and he's in his office from the time he wakes up until 3-4am. He comes up for about 20 minutes for dinner then back down he goes. It's not just work, he naps and watches tv alone too. We rarely have time alone anymore and I feel very distant from him. There is a lot more to it, I just feel he's not approachable anymore and I'm not special to him anymore. I don't need a guy to spend 24/7 with me, but we have no loving, quality bf/gf time anymore and that saddens me the most.

 

[barky]

I think it's easy for people to take for granted those closest to them. I know family is sometimes the last to get my focus not because I see them as the lowest priority, but because I think they'll be the most understanding of neglect. Maybe your bf feels he's close enough to you for that same situation. It's like the saying that people stop trying to win over someone because they feel they don't have to anymore.

 

[Lishniy Chelovek]

when one is surrounded by potential friends, they're not wanted. And when one is left alone, he/she is desperate for any sort of connection.

Yeah, there am I.

 

[Pike Creek]

I think it's easy for people to take for granted those closest to them. I know family is sometimes the last to get my focus not because I see them as the lowest priority, but because I think they'll be the most understanding of neglect. Maybe your bf feels he's close enough to you for that same situation. It's like the saying that people stop trying to win over someone because they feel they don't have to anymore.

Your last sentence is what the problem is exactly, but taken to an extreme. I never understood why family/people-closest-to-you do that kind of thing to each other. I don't think I'm overly sensitive, but my family did that to me constantly and I finally reached my limit and disowned the lot of them. I am much happier without them. I think my bf has realized this over the last few days, I just hope it sticks!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Maybe your bf feels he's close enough to you for that same situation. It's like the saying that people stop trying to win over someone because they feel they don't have to anymore.

If only this sort of thing never existed.

 

[barky]

Yah, complacency is a big bummer in long-term relationships. I try to see it as a flattering gesture. The person is comfortable enough to show all of him-/herself, even the undesirable.

 

[Pike Creek]

Yah, complacency is a big bummer in long-term relationships. I try to see it as a flattering gesture. The person is comfortable enough to show all of him-/herself, even the undesirable.

Interesting that you say that...I'm always trying to keep the romance and excitement of our relationship alive by doing little things here and there...my bf is completely complacent but he says often that he is completely satisfied in our relationship and for him this is it, he doesn't want anyone else for the rest of his life. I should find this flattering too, but I always want a little more interest out of him, I guess that's my nature.