Dealing with family and the past

[the-alchemist]

I'm leaving in two days now. And my brother has come to visit because the whole family will say goodbye now. For the first time in my dysfunctional family's history, we've been able to sit down and talk about past issues.

It's been a bit painful to deal with it. Especially my brother who came with the same old song. He showed no regrets over what he has done to me over the years, all the insults and condemnations he hurled at me over the years. He refuses to apologize for what he did, instead saying that I deserved it. All he did through the years was to stomp on my self-esteem. When I point out these things, he shrugs it off and says that I am too "sensitive" and "power hungry".

When he is with his gf on the other hand, he becomes a pussy and obeys her every demand. But with me, he is all macho. Not once has he ever apologized for the all the times he insulted me, forced me to go with him to various places just to put on a facade for his friends that all is okay. For all the times he said that I was a loser

And my mom, gosh how I dislike her. Although she has given me financial help, for which I will always be grateful, she also treated me like dirt. When I took it up with her, all she did was yell at me and say "Okay I know you hate me! Now you'll get rid of me!". On top of that she is cheating on my father but I don't know how I will tell it to my father, or if I even should.

It was the same old song, my opinions were downplayed and I was treated like dirt by my brother. I don't even know why he even bought me some worthless presents from his last trip. He makes it a point to show that he doesn't give a honeysuckle about me. He just bought me presents to show his friends "look what a nice guy I am, I buy presents for my little brother".

Sorry, I just had to vent. I have no one that I can talk to. Still, I'm not gonna continue to be angry, I will make an effort to let my sadness and anger go. I had wanted to try and make peace with my family and part with them amicably but it doesn't look possible.

 

[Blue Bob]

I've learned that some people are the way they are and nothing will change that. It sounds like your brother is this way. If he is, don't expect anything different from him. Just keep growing so that you can surpass him in maturity. You can stifle him by becoming more than he is.

It might do you good to get some distance and grow, then maybe you can reconcile with your family later.

You say you're going away. Are you going far and for a long time?

 

[Dessa]

Good riddance. You've made effort to reach out to them and still they shrug it off. Nothing you can do will change their mind. The sad thing is they will realize the pain they've put you, if they ever, when it's too late. You seem to be the adult amongst you three. You are parting amicably; they're not. You won't regret it but they will. Good luck to you.