Looking back at my life, I've been lonely 99.9% of the time. Even in elementary school, I didn't have any real friends. I was considered "annoying". Not to mention I was from a low income family, so I never had the trendiest toys of the time.
No. I didn't have anyone. I was an only child too. The most fun times I had as a kid was with my cousins, whom I loved to visit and play with. But often even they would gang up against me. Making me feel alone.
As a kid, I could ignore it and not really take it to heart. It didn't bother me too much. I had hope: junior high. Hope of making new friends, hope of starting to date.
Neither happened. My cousin moved to my school, so I usually hung out with him. My gr 7 yr I was being continuously bullied by my classmates; they were being racist as well as mentally abusive. Still. I had hope: highschool. I switched schools for highschool because my family moved to a different district, and thought it would be a chance to improve my social life. It kinda happened; I made some acquaintances and some kinda friends. No love life of course. I crushed on many, never did anyone crush on me.
I returned to my original school, for the last 2 yrs of highschool. Again, I made many acquaintances, very few friends, but alas was usually just hanging out with my cousin. This is where I started getting depressed. I actually felt lonely, and it affected my mood. I would goto school every day, and I would listen to the Naruto's "Loneliness" theme music. It was a reflection of my feelings inside. Still, I tried to keep positive, because I was young. I had something to look forward to: University.
I crashed and burned in university. I did so bad, academically. At the same time, I made every effort to try and meet people, make friends, and maybe even a gf. Well.. I met many many people. Again, very few actually became my friends. And as far as gf go..No luck.
And now, it's been 4 yrs since I graduated...and I look at my life...nothing has changed. I'm still lonely. Have MAYBE 2-3 real friends. I did have 2 relationships but they were both long distance, and they were girls i met online.
Throughout my life.. I have craved love. Craved to be with a girl, who would fill that void of loneliness inside my heart, and tell me that I will never be lonely again. I had this idealized picture of love and relationships, which is never reality. I always thought love conquered all, and all that BS.
I don't really understand what went wrong. Why was i considered so repulsive? Why did no one want to be my friend? I'm a very caring person. I'm soft-hearted. Even to this day, I don't have any friend that I consistently hang out with. I will always be there for people...but I have no one. Why are some of us just not accepted or part of any group or clique?
No. I didn't have anyone. I was an only child too. The most fun times I had as a kid was with my cousins, whom I loved to visit and play with. But often even they would gang up against me. Making me feel alone.
As a kid, I could ignore it and not really take it to heart. It didn't bother me too much. I had hope: junior high. Hope of making new friends, hope of starting to date.
Neither happened. My cousin moved to my school, so I usually hung out with him. My gr 7 yr I was being continuously bullied by my classmates; they were being racist as well as mentally abusive. Still. I had hope: highschool. I switched schools for highschool because my family moved to a different district, and thought it would be a chance to improve my social life. It kinda happened; I made some acquaintances and some kinda friends. No love life of course. I crushed on many, never did anyone crush on me.
I returned to my original school, for the last 2 yrs of highschool. Again, I made many acquaintances, very few friends, but alas was usually just hanging out with my cousin. This is where I started getting depressed. I actually felt lonely, and it affected my mood. I would goto school every day, and I would listen to the Naruto's "Loneliness" theme music. It was a reflection of my feelings inside. Still, I tried to keep positive, because I was young. I had something to look forward to: University.
I crashed and burned in university. I did so bad, academically. At the same time, I made every effort to try and meet people, make friends, and maybe even a gf. Well.. I met many many people. Again, very few actually became my friends. And as far as gf go..No luck.
And now, it's been 4 yrs since I graduated...and I look at my life...nothing has changed. I'm still lonely. Have MAYBE 2-3 real friends. I did have 2 relationships but they were both long distance, and they were girls i met online.
Throughout my life.. I have craved love. Craved to be with a girl, who would fill that void of loneliness inside my heart, and tell me that I will never be lonely again. I had this idealized picture of love and relationships, which is never reality. I always thought love conquered all, and all that BS.
I don't really understand what went wrong. Why was i considered so repulsive? Why did no one want to be my friend? I'm a very caring person. I'm soft-hearted. Even to this day, I don't have any friend that I consistently hang out with. I will always be there for people...but I have no one. Why are some of us just not accepted or part of any group or clique?
