Do sometimes people hate you for no reason?

[WildernessWildChild]

I tend to give them a good reason to get the hate on

Their loss

what do you mean you give them the reason..? Im always thinking that is my fault friends hate me..but because i didnt answer a call or something...
you mean something like that?

More along the lines of not giving a **** about peoples hang ups and petty opinions- seems like people develop a dislike if you don't buy into their hang ups, issues, and drama. I can't be bothered to waste my time on negativity or being held back anymore.

 

[kirakn]

I tend to give them a good reason to get the hate on

Their loss

what do you mean you give them the reason..? Im always thinking that is my fault friends hate me..but because i didnt answer a call or something...
you mean something like that?

More along the lines of not giving a **** about peoples hang ups and petty opinions- seems like people develop a dislike if you don't buy into their hang ups, issues, and drama. I can't be bothered to waste my time on negativity or being held back anymore.

I understand completely now...Im in an exactly same situation..thats the reason i joined this forum..but to me it seems harder now to move on..

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I understand completely now...Im in an exactly same situation..thats the reason i joined this forum..but to me it seems harder now to move on..

I find that the best thing to do is not put any pressure on yourself to move forward. It didn't happen overnight for me, it was slow and gradual.

 

[kirakn]

I find that the best thing to do is not put any pressure on yourself to move forward. It didn't happen overnight for me, it was slow and gradual.

Did you ever put the blame on yourself..? Like its your fault that people change the way they see you..? I have always been told that i have high expectations of people and thats why i get dissappointed and think that its not my fault...I know its not, but cant help feeling bad for making people around me leave..

 

[Case]

No one dislikes others for no reason. We may think they dislike us for "no APPARENT reason" because we don't know their reasoning. Also, it's rare for these people to give out this information to the ones they dislike, anyway, leaving the accused in the dark.

Everyone has a reason for disliking people. Some may be accurate, as in, "I don't like you because you slept with my husband." Others are based on prejudice, clashing personalities, social stigmas, economic or class snobbery, or just simple misunderstanding.

I think the problem is that we just don't know why they seem to not like us, so we like to fill in the blanks ourselves. This is a mistake. The blanks we fill in are almost always wrong, UNLESS we can spot a specific moment that seems the most reasonable explanation. For instance, if you slept with your best friend's husband, then it stands to reason that the wife would hate you.

So, there is always a reason. The reason could be based on a lie or an error, but it's still a reason to them.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I find that the best thing to do is not put any pressure on yourself to move forward. It didn't happen overnight for me, it was slow and gradual.

Did you ever put the blame on yourself..? Like its your fault that people change the way they see you..? I have always been told that i have high expectations of people and thats why i get dissappointed and think that its not my fault...I know its not, but cant help feeling bad for making people around me leave..

I firmly believe that the only thing that is permanent is change so to put fault on myself for the way others view me doesn't make sense- it's simply part of the cycle of life. If people change the way they see me it may be because of something in their lives, not mine.

I personally do better not having much in the way of expectations in people, that way I minimize disappointment. People will come and go for some of us kirakn, that's just the way it happens sometimes. I guess I lack the desire to maintain relationships with people that require constant monitoring goes back to my youth but I've become pretty comfortable with it.

 

[ardour]

I personally do better not having much in the way of expectations in people, that way I minimize disappointment. People will come and go for some of us kirakn, that's just the way it happens sometimes. I guess I lack the desire to maintain relationships with people that require constant monitoring goes back to my youth but I've become pretty comfortable with it.

I’m with you, high drama, highly strung people often aren’t worth it. Having to ingratiate yourself and constantly monitor their reactions to see where you stand is a terrible drag. And inevitably it turns out to be a one-sided deal any way. The OP should focus on putting them out of mind rather than the ‘why’. People I get along with are relaxed and easy to know.

 

[kirakn]

No one dislikes others for no reason. We may think they dislike us for "no APPARENT reason" because we don't know their reasoning. Also, it's rare for these people to give out this information to the ones they dislike, anyway, leaving the accused in the dark.

Everyone has a reason for disliking people. Some may be accurate, as in, "I don't like you because you slept with my husband." Others are based on prejudice, clashing personalities, social stigmas, economic or class snobbery, or just simple misunderstanding.

I think the problem is that we just don't know why they seem to not like us, so we like to fill in the blanks ourselves. This is a mistake. The blanks we fill in are almost always wrong, UNLESS we can spot a specific moment that seems the most reasonable explanation. For instance, if you slept with your best friend's husband, then it stands to reason that the wife would hate you.

So, there is always a reason. The reason could be based on a lie or an error, but it's still a reason to them.

I know what you mean, but the thing is that if you consider someone your friend, you probably expect different behavior...like telling you what is wrong. When they dont tell you and just change their behavior and way they talk to you, thats where the problem begins... I have been obsessing for over two years to find what was the reason i gave them to hate me and talk honeysuckle behind me but the only thing that i find every time is that i got tired taking care of others and looked at my life for a change.. And i know when im making mistakes...

 

[lonelydoc]

Let me add my two cents to this thread.

People are somewhat predictable. If you slobber all over them, they love you, and if you are independent minded and treat others the same, they hate you. The reason is because if you slobber all over people, they have an angle on you. They know they can control you by giving you a bone every now and then or taking it away. If you are a strong willed person, they grasp that they can't control you, and therefore will give you the cold shoulder because they have little to gain.

It's the same reason we have war. War exists for a simple reason: one group of humans wants all of the resources and control, and the other group resists. And the only way of settling it is killing each other.

Adult life is the schoolyard on a large scale. That's all it is. It will always be this way. So that is basically the answer: the other person hates you because you didn't act like they are God's gift to the universe.

 

[hye345]

Let me add my two cents to this thread.

People are somewhat predictable. If you slobber all over them, they love you, and if you are independent minded and treat others the same, they hate you. The reason is because if you slobber all over people, they have an angle on you. They know they can control you by giving you a bone every now and then or taking it away. If you are a strong willed person, they grasp that they can't control you, and therefore will give you the cold shoulder because they have little to gain.

It's the same reason we have war. War exists for a simple reason: one group of humans wants all of the resources and control, and the other group resists. And the only way of settling it is killing each other.

Adult life is the schoolyard on a large scale. That's all it is. It will always be this way. So that is basically the answer: the other person hates you because you didn't act like they are God's gift to the universe.

Sorry, but most people aren't like this. Some are, and maybe you have gotten an unusually high dose of said population so that it's tainted your view of humanity (to be fair, the bad ones do tend to stick in your mind longer), but assuming you don't come across as a jerk yourself, most people are content enough being polite. I myself can be quiet and anti-small talk from time to time, and 9/10, the worst I've gotten is the same silence in return. Awkward? Sure. But hardly the "hate" you describe.

 

[Peaches]

when I see people hating me for no reason (which happens pretty often, I must say, although probably they must have a reason, I don't always project my best self out there) I always think of one flatmate I shared a flat with for a few months. I am usually a friendly type and I find most of the people at least bearable if not downright exciting, and yet..
she was always so passive, always saying yes, never having an opinion, she loved to read and went out of the house maybe once a week, always smiling, when I would come back home I d always find her near the door like a doggie waiting for me, I wanted to beat the living crap out of her just because she existed.
She annoyed me just by being herself, without wronging me in any way, and I simply couldn't stand her, poor thing, I still feel a bit guilty about it.

So I guess sometimes one just rubs people the wrong way.

 

[ardour]

when I see people hating me for no reason (which happens pretty often, I must say, although probably they must have a reason, I don't always project my best self out there) I always think of one flatmate I shared a flat with for a few months. I am usually a friendly type and I find most of the people at least bearable if not downright exciting, and yet..
she was always so passive, always saying yes, never having an opinion, she loved to read and went out of the house maybe once a week, always smiling, when I would come back home I d always find her near the door like a doggie waiting for me, I wanted to beat the living crap out of her just because she existed.
She annoyed me just by being herself, without wronging me in any way, and I simply couldn't stand her, poor thing, I still feel a bit guilty about it.

So I guess sometimes one just rubs people the wrong way.

That would make most people feel uncomfortable, it's not surprising you found her annoying.

 

[MentalDiscomfort]

Yes, but I do the same towards others aswell. IMO it's just in the human nature. The person doesn't have to do something before you dislike him/her, it's possible to do it 'just because'. Sounds harsh, I know.

 

[Solivagant]

Yes, but I do the same towards others aswell. IMO it's just in the human nature. The person doesn't have to do something before you dislike him/her, it's possible to do it 'just because'. Sounds harsh, I know.

Not my nature. o_0 I don't understand that behavior, seems like a very odd thing to do.

 

[chagak]

Yes, actually...amusing, really. I tend to get this reaction from a few of the, shall we say, les pathétiques...mostly females, of course. It is what it is.

 

[LonelySutton]

People are somewhat predictable. If you slobber all over them, they love you, and if you are independent minded and treat others the same, they hate you. The reason is because if you slobber all over people, they have an angle on you. They know they can control you by giving you a bone every now and then or taking it away. If you are a strong willed person, they grasp that they can't control you, and therefore will give you the cold shoulder because they have little to gain.

Wow, a good two cents there... that is me in a nutshell. I am very independent and pretty smart. I actually just got dinged on my review (by a hate at first site person) because he went on and on about what other people in my workplace thought of me. I even said to him, why do I give a honeysuckle what other people think of me if I don't work for them? I should have objected to high heaven to the review but I thought, clearly this guy *needs* to bring me down and *knock me down* to his level - HE NEEDS me to play the submissive. He seemed to be coming from a place of quid pro quo... that I need to do for others so they can do for me... but I don't need ANY of them to do for me. I let it go this time in the hopes it would be what he wanted but he better provide me with the pro of the quid pro or I will renew my objections.

I walked on to my condo's board of trustees and immediately butted heads with the property manager and the chairman. I immediately called it. Typically people come on to the board and have no clue what they are doing and they are reliant on the property manager and chairman to help them out and guide them. The problem is, I know as much, if not more than the property manager and thus I really don't need them to make things happen. So they can't control me and influence me... and they hate it.

When I started my job I was pretty dependent on my boss to tell me what to do. Since being there 10 years I have become smarter than my boss and I don't need him or anyone else to tell me what to do. He clearly hates that.

 

[kirakn]

Yes, actually...amusing, really. I tend to get this reaction from a few of the, shall we say, les pathétiques...mostly females, of course. It is what it is.

Can you explain "les pathétiques" to me..? I also seem to be hated mostly from women..They can be strangers to me or they can be best friends..

Also I am an INTJ too and I remember I read somewhere that other people are having a hard time being friends with this type of person, just because INTJ's won't give others the attention they expect..

Have you ever sensed that..?About yourself..?

When I read that I realised that that's the reason my "best friend" pulled away from me in the first place..She was the kind of person that survives with the attention from others.. A full time approval junkie...We were complete opposite..

 

[Littlesecret]

[video=youtube]

 

[Triple Bogey]

all the time although some people like me as well.
Swings and roundabouts.
I don't worry about it.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

all the time although some people like me as well.
Swings and roundabouts.
I don't worry about it.

I have the same sentiment. Some people out there are so high maintenance they just aren't worth my trouble.