Ok soph im gonna give this a shot and hopefully youll hear some of it and it helps you. Its helped me through the years if i didnt know this i wouldnt even be here anymore and i woulda been dead about 20 + years back, but thats a story for another time.
Building meaning in a life is like building a house. You first need a foundation. For me its God and my relationship with him, i base everything i do around that or try to. The second thing is a house needs walls and a roof, for me thats all the skills ive learned through the years on how to deal with life such as not taknig everything including myself too seriously, i use humor a LOT to shield myself from pain, that and poetry and music and books and all the bright places in my heart next to heaven in my imagination in which honestly i live most of the time. Then the house needs furnishings, and treasures to guard or it has no meaning, for me thats my family, my wife, kids and the few true friends ive found through the years, and yes a few of them are online so dont count that completely out, its really rare but it can happen. Then a house needs windows, for me my windows are my faith that things have the possibility of change, i think this ones a big one because if we give up hope that things can get better then it does make it really hard to keep going. When ive been out in the world away from home and the rain and snow and cold has beat me down i go home and just sit in those windows and stare out for hours and its beautiful what i see, it may not exist on this world but i know ill see it one day.
To speak in less parables and metaphor and more plain speak. Id say you can find meaning in everything, as with everything its all about perception of who and where you are. A person who views themselves as not worthy of love, not able to succeed etc is going to do just that, and NOBODY on the planet can change that for that person, its a choice even though it may not feel that way. You can find meaning in everything, the world is filled with it. Albert Einstein said "look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better". If you really look at Gods creation it all works in harmony and i think that's a message to all of us that we cant do this life alone. Its okay to lean on others and ask for help when you fall down, dont try to do it all yourself and carry the weight yourself.
Back to finding meaning, its like i said with the house metaphor you have to take it one step at a time. Id suggest sitting down with a notebook and write down all the things that make you happy, all the things that make you sad, and figure out which ones are worth investing those feelings into. The thing about meaning a lot of people confuse now a days too is that meaningful things make you happy, sometimes they dont, sometimes they make you so miserable you'll want to give up and lay down and die. Love is a good example of this, true love is not easy and its not about attraction at all, its just a quiet decision to care about another human being or a living thing like an animal a plant whatever and to stick to that no matter what.
I find a lot of meaning in music because it helps me feel things i cant put into words correctly, i find meaning in random acts of kindness on the internet when people try to support one another despite what they're dealing with themselves, i find meaning in children's smiles because i remember we were all innocent once and we still have the capacity to believe. Its all cause and effect, you just have to figure out the formula for it.
Sit down, write it all down and figure out what you want out of life and go after it. That is how you find meaning, its not easy, it might not make you happy all the time but its the gods honest truth and how life really works. Sometimes you gotta hurt before you get to happy. Its okay to hurt sometimes, that's important too, it makes us stronger in the long run.
God Bless you Sophia and i hope you find the meaning youre looking for one day, its not as far away as you think btw.
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