Does it bother anyone else that they don't get any messages?

[alwaysreading@home]

Whenever I get on this site I seem to get sad just looking at the no messages under my name....

 

[9006]

Do you mean PM's? I'm not sure if you message anyone but it's not something that will just happen, sometimes you gotta reach out. I wouldn't take it personally, though.

 

[jaguarundi]

^ Absolutely, 9006. When I joined ALL I sort of thought it would be a lot of lonely people supporting and inspiring each other.

Which it is, but it is also a place to express yourself, to vent, rant - and find friends. And like any community, there are people who are sort of the 'in crowd' - and others who don't 'say' much but take it all in, and people who just dip in occasionally - just like off-line life.

And just like offline life, you get out what you put in. I took a chance - well several - and PM'd people, and some responded, and some didn't and some were busy a lot so rarely get back, and some seemed to have things in common to start with, but maybe didn't for the long haul. And one became a person I think of as a friend, and now we don't just PM but email, and even chat on the phone. And another one or two - we are growing a friendship, I think.

Take a chance, find people you may have something in common with, see what happens. . . .

Over to you .....

 

[Tulip23]

I agree with the other posters you have to be brave and take a chance and message people.
I'm lucky to have formed friendships on here and I am truly grateful to them for wanting to be friends with me
If we can do it so can you

p.s It also helps if you fill in your profile so that people know a little about you

 

[9006]

It's not that people are mean or unsociable but mostly because it's difficult to actually initiate, people tend to feel more comfortable messaging someone about something rather than just a one-off random message. But you know once that's over with it can be something great, even a friendship!

 

[Goblin]

The way you talk about it... not really.

Any day I don't have to feign interest in idle chit-chat with a stranger has at least one good point. One of the key differences between other people and myself is that I connect intellectually first, and then maybe experience emotion or some interest in someone else's life. I've enjoyed befriending people I've had good discussions with before on things like evocative music, Epicureanism, humanity's relation to nature, etc, but I'd probably drop a discussion about "safe" topics with a stranger pretty quick to go back to writing and listening to music. It doesn't make me feel good or connected.

I think it's easy to believe that people should be recieving a constant influx of attention and blame yourself if you're not. I watched a movie recently (The Den) that featured a woman studying the culture of websites like ChatRoulette. She was constantly receiving gmail video chat requests from her friends or boyfriend. That's what life is like for people who are actively social and form many connections so that there are a number of people who consider them a major part of their life that they need to be in touch with often, not the default.

 

[Solivagant]

Do you mean PM's? I'm not sure if you message anyone but it's not something that will just happen, sometimes you gotta reach out. I wouldn't take it personally, though.

^ What he said. You'll get the best results if you take it upon yourself to message others. It is the same in real life sometimes. I've always had to be the one to initiate friendships; no one has ever approached me. Which is incredibly difficult for someone with as many social struggles and anxieties as I have, and as much experience with rejection and bullying. But if you want it, you just have to do it.

Also, I noticed that you only joined a week ago, and you've only posted 10 times so far. You can't expect much after so little. You need to give people time to get to know you and reason to message you, too.

One of the key differences between other people and myself is that I connect intellectually first, and then maybe experience emotion or some interest in someone else's life. I've enjoyed befriending people I've had good discussions with before on things like evocative music, Epicureanism, humanity's relation to nature, etc,

^ I'm the same way by nature, though I try to stick with conversations even if they don't interest me. I haven't met many people interested in intellectual discussion, so I guess to adapt I have worked on connecting with people through relational discussion (i.e. common experiences).

 

[Goblin]

^ I'm the same way by nature, though I try to stick with conversations even if they don't interest me. I haven't met many people interested in intellectual discussion, so I guess to adapt I have worked on connecting with people through relational discussion (i.e. common experiences).

I've tried to adapt (and it seems to be very common), but it's not something that works for me. I spend time and energy, and I gain nothing in return because it doesn't entertain me, make me feel connected, or add to my life in any way. Talking to someone about what kind of pets we like without delving deeper, sharing bigger stories, discovering something new, or debating because they'd be put off or don't want to engage in it feels the same as talking to no one. It's just exchanging noise, and I already have radio for noise.

There are enough people who are also looking to hear and be heard on wacky subjects and long-winded analyses that it's better for everyone if I pass.

 

[Solivagant]

I've tried to adapt (and it seems to be very common), but it's not something that works for me. I spend time and energy, and I gain nothing in return because it doesn't entertain me, make me feel connected, or add to my life in any way. Talking to someone about what kind of pets we like without delving deeper, sharing bigger stories, discovering something new, or debating because they'd be put off or don't want to engage in it feels the same as talking to no one. It's just exchanging noise, and I already have radio for noise.

I agree. Can't say it's worked all that well for me either.

 

[Batman55]

There are enough people who are also looking to hear and be heard on wacky subjects and long-winded analyses that it's better for everyone if I pass.

Count me in! Although I'm usually fine with relational discussion, and I'm not an intellectual... I'm still pretty wacky and can go in that direction if you like. =)

 

[mintymint]

Here's some food for thought:

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=31167

 

[TheSkaFish]

Whenever I get on this site I seem to get sad just looking at the no messages under my name....

You only have 10 posts or so. You have to put yourself out there more, let people get to know you a little bit. Then you might start receiving messages from people who share your interests or are just interested in getting to know you. You can also initiate conversations yourself, and message anyone you like.

 

[dnick]

I haven't been on this forum long, but from my experiences on other websites, yes it does bother me. It seems to reflect how I'm treated anywhere; with indifference. But I'm trying to get used to it.

 

[Grackle]

I haven't been on this forum long, but from my experiences on other websites, yes it does bother me. It seems to reflect how I'm treated anywhere; with indifference. But I'm trying to get used to it.

Indifference or just plain invisible.