Appleseed761
Member
Well I have never been on these forums before but somehow found myself writing on this one... I guess I just wanna chat with you guys and hopefully get some response and feel better about my situation. Please be gentle with me, I’m new (and fragile!)
I’m 35 years old, just been through a divorce after 7 years of marriage. I felt so distraught and took time off work for myself and went travelling alone around Asia and Australia in 2010. I hooked up with a guy whilst I was in Australia and stayed with him for a few months. I fell in love and thought things were going to be serious but then his nasty side came out and he physically and mentally abused me til I came fleeing back to England in January this year. I felt that my heart was broken once again. (Twice in 1 year is too much!)
So now I find that I am pregnant by this guy in Australia! I am happy as this is going to be my first baby but mortified at the same time because I have this connection with this nutter forever whom I do not have any feelings for anymore! I am so frustrated with myself and feel so isolated and so scared of facing things alone! Also I am living back at my Mother’s house and I cannot find a job (due to being pregnant!) At my age, I would have expected to be a bit more settled by now! I would say that I am sensible, quite smart and a good person so why am I choosing wrong decisions at this stage in life and making bad judgements?
So I wanna know if I am going to be able to face life again? I don’t know where to begin! Is it just me or am I going to be able to put my trust in men again? It's such a long time since I had a smile on my face or had a good laugh. Does anyone even care?
I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but these are my thoughts- it hurts me to the point that I just feel like giving up altogether. The only thing that is keeping me going is this baby...
I’m 35 years old, just been through a divorce after 7 years of marriage. I felt so distraught and took time off work for myself and went travelling alone around Asia and Australia in 2010. I hooked up with a guy whilst I was in Australia and stayed with him for a few months. I fell in love and thought things were going to be serious but then his nasty side came out and he physically and mentally abused me til I came fleeing back to England in January this year. I felt that my heart was broken once again. (Twice in 1 year is too much!)
So now I find that I am pregnant by this guy in Australia! I am happy as this is going to be my first baby but mortified at the same time because I have this connection with this nutter forever whom I do not have any feelings for anymore! I am so frustrated with myself and feel so isolated and so scared of facing things alone! Also I am living back at my Mother’s house and I cannot find a job (due to being pregnant!) At my age, I would have expected to be a bit more settled by now! I would say that I am sensible, quite smart and a good person so why am I choosing wrong decisions at this stage in life and making bad judgements?
So I wanna know if I am going to be able to face life again? I don’t know where to begin! Is it just me or am I going to be able to put my trust in men again? It's such a long time since I had a smile on my face or had a good laugh. Does anyone even care?
I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but these are my thoughts- it hurts me to the point that I just feel like giving up altogether. The only thing that is keeping me going is this baby...