Drugs probably scarred me for life.

[aspalas]

Just some background information; around a year ago I was using harddrugs on a regular basis, I've never been addicted tho. This issue/story/warning is about ecstacy in particular. I used to use it 2 to 4 times a month. What it does is make you extremely euphoric for a short time, depleting a large amount of serotonin, which is the stuff in your brain that makes you happy and takes 2 to 3 months to "refill".

I haven't used it for over 5 months now, and haven't been using it on a regular basis for about 9 months, but it still keeps haunting me. The "come downs", when the effects wear off, and the days and weeks after using it became extremely unpleasent for me after using it so much; simply because there was no more stuff that made me happy left in my brain, and on top of that I've been having a lot of problems with myself, my family and my overall emotions.

I felt like nothing, not even the most joyful and happy scenario, could make me happy anymore. I used to be more depressed than I could ever imagine while driving back home from parties in the early morning, and sometimes feel like an empty bag of total despair for days or weeks. What does this have to do with my situation now?

I can't help but to be reminded of these times every single day, and especially when I go out ( even tho I don't take any drugs anymore and I am convinced I will never do it again in my entire life). Everything reminds me of those horrible, horrible times. Driving home in the same city, same streets, same weather. Occasionally being at the same clubs, or even sitting in my same old house can force me to remember and in a way experience those aweful times again. I can't seem to escape from it, and it sucks every last bit of happiness out of the things I used to enjoy; going out, listening to music I like and already liked at the time, just thinking about this phase in my life, in which I had a lot to endure anyway, makes me go completely nuts every once in a while. The only thing that's different now is that I'm proud of myself for not using the stuff anymore, and knowing I won't actually have to go trough it again. This keeps me calm and helps me keep my feet on the ground.

It still bugs me though; it changed me and even tho I don't like to admit it, I regret I've ever used anything in the first place. I messed so much things up because of it, I regret not staying at home playing video games to be honest, even if it sounds pathetic ( at least, it does sound a little pathetic to me). I'm someone who doesn't accepts wrong choices I made in the past easily, so I can't really let go of it... I wish I could.

I just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm not always feeling so bad about this as I do now, so don't worry about me. The main reason why I wrote this is to warn everyone for it. Please, for the love of god, never do drugs. I know many people don't suffer from is as much as I did/do, but believe me, it's not worth the risk.

 

[Azariah]

Well, thanks for the warning dude. Point taken. Hope you feel better.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry you went through it though, aspalas. Thanks for sharing. Hope you're doing all right, take care.

 

[Garbageman]

Hey thank you for sharing this! I am glad to hear you are off drugs, hopefully with some time you can get your happiness back even if its a little at a time. Maybe by creating new memories and associations you will not have everything bring up the past. Again thanks for sharing.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

If you haven't heard of 5HTP, you could give that a try. It might help you to deal with some of the issues from over use of MDMA.

 

[aspalas]

I know 5HTP, but screw that. Drugs are just not for me, it's too hard to cope with the come downs. This saturday I was supposed to go to a huge party during some kind of week long dance event in Amsterdam, and all my friends (well, only one of them is a good friend, the rest are just his friends, I know them a little tho) would take drugs, the party lasts 12 hours I think. I just sold my ticket, I don't want to go, don't want to be tempted. Might sound stupid to blow this off, but I haven't been looking forward to it at all, and it's extremely expensive. My friend is kind of disappointed in me now, but fresia that. Lately I've been listening to myself instead of other people, and it has done me well.

As I said by the way, I don't feel like I described all the time. The day when I wrote the opening post I felt horrible and I wanted to share it. Now I feel fine, for instance. I'm doing infinitely much better than +- a year a go, and I hope I'll be feeling even better in the future.

 

[Peaches]

Depression and emptiness is because of the neurotransmitters, seriously. Your brain and nervous system have been seriously damaged from the drugs, but they will heal. Please believe that all your healthy emotions will come back, neurotransmitters take years to replenish, you can help the process with specific diets
(this one in the link is similar, but you can find even better ones in forums for people with nerve damage)



and supplements, like for instance (personally I like alpha - lipoic acid and glutathione)

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/vitamins-supplements/291018-nerve-repair.html

and exercise, more drugs just keep doing the damage.

Anyway, I admire you for your choice and for your strength, these qualities not only will bring you out of this sad moment, but will accompany you and protect you for the rest of your life.

 

[Batman55]

The OP's advice not to use drugs is correct. My first serious addiction problem, in addition to making it hard for me to enjoy anything or even pay attention, seemed to cause this "head pressure sensation" I have 24/7. The docs think it's probably a migraine but that avenue led nowhere. The sensation is not debilitating, but very annoying and it does dampen my enjoyment of typical activities and also disrupt attention span--therefore, it's a problem.

The point is, certain drugs when used improperly or addictively, can do longterm damage and sometimes permanent damage. I would say my "head pressure" is probably permanent, but I don't give up hope yet, as there are other things that may cause it, including postural tension and anxiety.

I actually knew a girl way back when, actually a bright and fairly ambitious person, who once said she saw "sparks and flashes" in her vision almost constantly. She got it after taking Ecstasy.. don't know how much she used. But she said the problem was likely to be permanent.

So yeah, when people say don't use drugs, better to listen to their advice. For real.

 

[aspalas]

Sounds aweful Batman. Luckily I wasn't really addicted, and always used fairly "responsible". I think I was in between heavy users (every week, multiple pills), and the most "light" users (once every 2-3 months). I've used more than one pill on one night only once. I did use it for several weeks in a row tho last summer (2012), 1 pill or half a pill. After this I decided to at least not use that much, I think I've only used it 3 or 4 times after that. I never really had these problems with other drugs, mainly because ecstacy is the only drug (that I've used) that really can fresia up your emotions.

 

[Batman55]

Sounds aweful Batman. Luckily I wasn't really addicted, and always used fairly "responsible". I think I was in between heavy users (every week, multiple pills), and the most "light" users (once every 2-3 months). I've used more than one pill on one night only once. I did use it for several weeks in a row tho last summer (2012), 1 pill or half a pill. After this I decided to at least not use that much, I think I've only used it 3 or 4 times after that. I never really had these problems with other drugs, mainly because ecstacy is the only drug (that I've used) that really can fresia up your emotions.

Indeed, but I would say Ecstasy is such a potent drug that sometimes, for some people, it can cause unusual issues that addicts to lesser drugs typically deal with after a while. Not saying you won't get back to normal at a relatively fast pace, though. You probably will, I would guess, just based on your usage history.

(In any event, I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's had an addiction problem, there must be others, but perhaps they're a bit shy or don't want to sidetrack this thread.)

 

[Broken_Doll]

See I'd say you were not a light user of MDMA/E at all from what I've read, in fact it seems like way too much for the time periods you were using in. I'd never do it more than 3-4 times per year personally. For me it's an occasional treat. A lot of people even say just THREE times per year is too often.

MDMA/E is a drug you can build up a tolerance to very quickly with frequent use (as much and as often as you say you were using it can happen with), thus the more you take it the less of an effect/high you feel (blah blah the effect is reduced each time over time basically, I know I babble on a bit).

With frequent use come downs can get worse and worse.
My come downs have always have always been shitty and I'm a once a year or less user. I'm not promoting drugs here, but I found a spliff usually mellowed me out a fair bit but generally had the ultimately detrimental effect of demotivating me 100% when I was on a come down, such bad lethargy, cranky as honeysuckle too, not to mention the lack of sleep from the insomnia can make you feel pretty crappy too.
Come downs are normal, but feelings of "depression" lasting long after taking MDMA/E does not seem to be an uncommon thing.

You'd have to give it a good year or so (maybe even longer) before taking MDMA/E again to get that euphoria/rush/high back again.

This is a brilliant program to watch: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/drugs-live-the-ecstasy-trial/4od

 

[Batman55]

Broken Doll,

If MDMA is such a potent drug that it should only be taken 1-3 times per YEAR at most.. then how much stronger is it, in your opinion, to your garden variety amphetamine? I've never tried MDMA or E or whatever, but I know it belongs to the amphetamine family of drugs.

I think there's a lot of folks who take Adderall/Ritalin, etc, most days of the year for ADHD. I've never heard of such folks complaining of burnout or anhedonia, and yet, these drugs are all powerful stimulants.

Just a question from a non-user.

 

[Rosebolt]

I think there's a lot of folks who take Adderall/Ritalin, etc, most days of the year for ADHD. I've never heard of such folks complaining of burnout or anhedonia, and yet, these drugs are all powerful stimulants.

Just to be clear, i know nothing about drugs. Anyway, i knew a guy once who took Ritalin, and had serious side effects of periods of general sadness, decreased appetite, and alot of fatigue.

Not sure if that info is useful to you or relevant to this discussion, just ignore it if it isn't.

 

[Broken_Doll]

I have no idea why but when I tried to reply to this thread the text I typed out just would not show for some reason.
Sorry about that.
I saved what I wrote, I'll send it to you or something if you're interested.

---

Broken Doll,

If MDMA is such a potent drug that it should only be taken 1-3 times per YEAR at most..

I have no idea if you should take it every now and then as opposed to frequently due to potency, however going back to what I said - it's a drug you can build up a (high) tolerance for very quickly, for instance frequent use and abuse of it, basically tolerance goes up and it stops having an effect, stops working - and I personally think MDMA/E is a wonderful drug - therefore, what with my opinion of it as wonderful, and knowing over use/frequent use can stop it having it's effect, I say and a lot of people who take it say you shouldn't do it often, and as I mentioned before some people even seem to think just 3 times a year is too often.

then how much stronger is it, in your opinion, to your garden variety amphetamine?

I honestly wouldn't know - it's not something I've looked into much and the only times I've taken amphetamines other than speed have been these times: unknown amphetamine with friends at a rave (was supposed to be like E but wasn't at all, didn't seem to have much affect other than keeping me awake all night) and some terribly unpure "MDMA" (it was so cut up with honeysuckle I begrudgingly call it MDMA, most of it seemed to be speed).
I know coke isn't an amphetamine and speed is, but a family friend and I have always said that speed is basically like coke except kinda crappy, a poor man's coke if you will.

I've never tried MDMA or E or whatever, but I know it belongs to the amphetamine family of drugs.

Well, if you're ever going to try amphetamines sometime, pick MDMA/E (same thing really - MDMA = E in brownish white powder form, kinda crystally, really shitty chemically taste, a gram is more than enough for me on an all nighter, I can do 3 all nighters on 1 gram probably, gum it or snort it but a nose job will apparently cost you less than dental work, nose it you won't taste it until later it seeps down your sinuses and into your mouth. E = MDMA in pill form, pretty colours, not sure about taste, you can do an all nighter on a maximum of 2 happily enough). I say if you're gonna pick one pick MDMA/E because it's generally very good value for money and £50 for 1 gram is expensive for that stuff, it can go for as low as £15 per gram of decent stuff, it's worth making sure it's tested, if it tastes like honeysuckle it's more likely to be half decent (I am talking mainly about MDMA here, as opposed to E pills which I haven't tried).

I think there's a lot of folks who take Adderall/Ritalin, etc, most days of the year for ADHD. I've never heard of such folks complaining of burnout or anhedonia, and yet, these drugs are all powerful stimulants.

Just a question from a non-user.

No comment as this is something I have no knowledge or experience of (please bear in mind I'm by no means an expert on any of this, I just seek out and absorb whatever information I can get my hands on, and much of what I say is based on personal first hand experience and word from people who have been doing such things for many years before me).

 

[ChocolateMountain]

(I haven't got much time to read all other posts but I'm gonna write my post anyway, regardless if it has been said before or not, since this is pretty useful information.)

I have some minor experience with stimulant drug use but all I can say is, the greatest healer of all is time. Time abstaining from (any) drugs, in extreme cases also from caffeine, since that's a stimulant as well and can even worsen comedowns / depressions / mood swings. Yes comedowns are horrible, especially with stimulants, since stimulants usually cause serotonin and / or dopamine depletion which on their turn causes (severe) depression.

I'm 100% sure that dopamine reuptake can recover naturally by itself, for the most part. However, I have read somewhere before that the amount of dopamine will never be as much as you had naturally before taking any drug that floods dopamine levels in your brain. Also your dopamine receptors may get desensitized which means that the brain's ''reward system'' becomes less active than usual in the absence of a dopamine inducing drug.

MDMA (xtc) plays more with your serotonin levels instead of dopamine, at first it raises your serotonin & after xtc use your serotonin levels are temporarily 'empty'. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter in the brain that regulates emotion, sexual funtion & hunger or thirst. A too high (!) serotonin level in the central nervous system can ultimately cause Serotonin Syndrome, so please watch out with mdma. It can take two to five weeks to recharge your serotonin levels, depending on your usage and your dosage.

My advice; you shouldn't take any more drugs to battle dopamine or serotonin depletion, 'good' or 'bad'. Give your brain the chance to naturally recover from depletion. Don't use reuptake inhibitor's. Don't make your brain in some degree dependent to any other substance. Instead: get exercise to recover lost muscle strength (some drugs can weaken muscle tissue), atleast try to do fun stuff, hook up with some friends, (besides your dealer should understand your situation), and take your mind off drugs. Trust me, your body will repair itself over the course of time, with complete abstinence.

But try to not do any stimulants for in a long time at least. I got pretty bad side effects from stimulant use. (i.e. difficulty breathing, tension headaches, high heart rate, paranoia, aggression problems). Almost all of this stopped after few weeks of abstinence and some symptoms is since then continuously getting less and less worse over time. I take frequent long walks and get out of breath real quickly, but the more I walk, the better it gets. Walking (with music) is fun, relaxing, and healthy, especially if you have a pretty nice view plus a good sounding headphone along with it ;')) I love music.

You will be okay. I would not use stimulants on a regular basis, at least, but it is of course better to quit altogether.

 

[Batman55]

Hmm, well I wouldn't say that 3-4 cups of coffee per day would impair the brain's ability to recover from former stimulant addiction. Do you know any research to suggest this would be the case?

On the other hand, if someone is using caffeine in massive amounts as a kind of "stand in" for amphetamines or other powerful stimulants, then I would say that's not really going to help you adjust back to your former natural state.

However...

I'm 100% sure that dopamine reuptake can recover naturally by itself, for the most part. However, I have read somewhere before that the amount of dopamine will never be as much as you had naturally before taking any drug that floods dopamine levels in your brain. Also your dopamine receptors may get desensitized which means that the brain's ''reward system'' becomes less active than usual in the absence of a dopamine inducing drug.

This has been the case for me. 10 years from the last time I used strong stimulants addictively, 5 years from the last time I used alcohol.. and thus complete sobriety for 5 years from everything. It's just not back to normal. Will it ever get there...

Exercise helps a lot, but what else is there? Is everything I do--exercise included--just going to be a temporary band-aid to bring back a few hours of feeling naturally good, focused, motivated?

 

[ChocolateMountain]

Hmm, well I wouldn't say that 3-4 cups of coffee per day would impair the brain's ability to recover from former stimulant addiction. Do you know any research to suggest this would be the case?

On the other hand, if someone is using caffeine in massive amounts as a kind of "stand in" for amphetamines or other powerful stimulants, then I would say that's not really going to help you adjust back to your former natural state.

However...

I'm 100% sure that dopamine reuptake can recover naturally by itself, for the most part. However, I have read somewhere before that the amount of dopamine will never be as much as you had naturally before taking any drug that floods dopamine levels in your brain. Also your dopamine receptors may get desensitized which means that the brain's ''reward system'' becomes less active than usual in the absence of a dopamine inducing drug.

This has been the case for me. 10 years from the last time I used strong stimulants addictively, 5 years from the last time I used alcohol.. and thus complete sobriety for 5 years from everything. It's just not back to normal. Will it ever get there...

Exercise helps a lot, but what else is there? Is everything I do--exercise included--just going to be a temporary band-aid to bring back a few hours of feeling naturally good, focused, motivated?

Well, what kinda stimulants were you using? MDMA has a different effect on your brain than, for example, cocaine, although they are both strong stimulants. Have you experienced overdoses / high doses on drugs, before? Was it possible for you to last 'breaks' between periods of using or have you (ab)used continously throughout the whole day or night? Have you combined various types of drugs (poly drug use) before? Alcohol doesn't go well with cocaine / most uppers, for instance. All these things plays huge roles in the amount of damage you've inflicted on yourself & about how long it takes for your body to repair itself.