My parents split during my childhood. I'm at a point in my life where I can comfortably speak to them without the baggage, resentment and trauma from my childhood. They both haven't changed much even though I'm in my 30s We'll probably never really be close, but I do forgive them.
I know these days the word narcissism is kind of thrown around. A lot of people are overusing the word to describe anyone who is a little self-centered. And before I start, no, I'm not qualified to diagnose either of my parents, but I will say that I do feel comfortable using the word to describe both my mom and dad.
Both of my parents used to try to find creative ways to use me to punish one another. They had this sick game where one of them would tell me a secret about the other, then have me go tell that parent that I now knew one of their embarrassing or shameful secrets. This kept going on until I refused to participate. When they were no longer together, eventually my mother refused to work.
When I was younger, she would punish me by taking whatever money I had or saved and using it to buy herself marijuana. Once I got too old to have my money taken by force, she used lies and trickery to get money from me. My father wasn't any better. His idea of punishment was locking people in their rooms without TV, radio, or any electronics. You were only allowed to leave the room to go to school or to quickly do your chores before he got home. And my father would punish you for the most arbitrary things.
Imagine being punished by being put in solitary confinement for washing the dishes and your father getting upset because the new sponge he bought specifically to wash dishes has a little bit of food residue still on it. You would then get an extra two months of solitary confinement for it. Summers were the worst because you just had to sit in your room after you completed your chores with no one to interact with. He was also verbally abusive.
I saw my father at a funeral yesterday. Instead of the negative emotions I used to feel about him, I felt indifference. I gave him a quick hug to be polite. Then I minded my own business during the funeral. I realize I feel the same about my mother.
I know these days the word narcissism is kind of thrown around. A lot of people are overusing the word to describe anyone who is a little self-centered. And before I start, no, I'm not qualified to diagnose either of my parents, but I will say that I do feel comfortable using the word to describe both my mom and dad.
Both of my parents used to try to find creative ways to use me to punish one another. They had this sick game where one of them would tell me a secret about the other, then have me go tell that parent that I now knew one of their embarrassing or shameful secrets. This kept going on until I refused to participate. When they were no longer together, eventually my mother refused to work.
When I was younger, she would punish me by taking whatever money I had or saved and using it to buy herself marijuana. Once I got too old to have my money taken by force, she used lies and trickery to get money from me. My father wasn't any better. His idea of punishment was locking people in their rooms without TV, radio, or any electronics. You were only allowed to leave the room to go to school or to quickly do your chores before he got home. And my father would punish you for the most arbitrary things.
Imagine being punished by being put in solitary confinement for washing the dishes and your father getting upset because the new sponge he bought specifically to wash dishes has a little bit of food residue still on it. You would then get an extra two months of solitary confinement for it. Summers were the worst because you just had to sit in your room after you completed your chores with no one to interact with. He was also verbally abusive.
I saw my father at a funeral yesterday. Instead of the negative emotions I used to feel about him, I felt indifference. I gave him a quick hug to be polite. Then I minded my own business during the funeral. I realize I feel the same about my mother.
