Sunless Sky
Well-known member
Hello everyone,
I want to talk about upbringing and how it helps shape you into the person you are going to be.
You see, I was brought up in a somewhat tumultuous household. My parents were stressed out all the time, one part was from their work as they were just starting out, another part was from taking care of me and my brothers. To provide a little context, my brothers, and me, all suffer from bipolar disorder, to varying degrees, this period of my life was before we ever got diagnosed and properly medicated. My brothers would cause a lot, and I mean a lot, of problems for my parents, to the point where everyone was at each other's throats. As a method of coping with that environment, I became somewhat of a peacemaker in the family. The problem is, I had my own issues. Issues that I was forced to bury deep inside me in order to continue being the "peacemaker". It was like walking on eggshells all the time.
Over time, I started to develop a hatred for my family. I hated them for causing me so much pain. I hated them for fighting all the time. I hated them for never looking at the big picture and at least trying to resolve their problems. I couldn't wait until I was out of the house so I properly start my life away from all that dysfunction. Little did I know, that dysfunction travelled with me. I am now very conflict avoidant. In any conflict situation, I try to end the hostilities as soon as possible. Even if that means hurting myself somehow. Granted, I am better now than I was before but still, that part of me never really went away.
I still have that irrational burning hatred for my family. Don't get me wrong, I love them all but I hate them at the same time too. I don't want to spend anytime around them.
Things have significantly improved once my brothers were medicated and my parents settled down in their jobs. Now that they don't need a peacemaker anymore, I have become cold and distant to all of them.
So now I ask you, can anyone relate? what are some of the environments you grew up in and how have they shaped who you are as a person now? What are your stories?
Thank you for reading.
PS: I got the idea for this post after watching this video " "
I want to talk about upbringing and how it helps shape you into the person you are going to be.
You see, I was brought up in a somewhat tumultuous household. My parents were stressed out all the time, one part was from their work as they were just starting out, another part was from taking care of me and my brothers. To provide a little context, my brothers, and me, all suffer from bipolar disorder, to varying degrees, this period of my life was before we ever got diagnosed and properly medicated. My brothers would cause a lot, and I mean a lot, of problems for my parents, to the point where everyone was at each other's throats. As a method of coping with that environment, I became somewhat of a peacemaker in the family. The problem is, I had my own issues. Issues that I was forced to bury deep inside me in order to continue being the "peacemaker". It was like walking on eggshells all the time.
Over time, I started to develop a hatred for my family. I hated them for causing me so much pain. I hated them for fighting all the time. I hated them for never looking at the big picture and at least trying to resolve their problems. I couldn't wait until I was out of the house so I properly start my life away from all that dysfunction. Little did I know, that dysfunction travelled with me. I am now very conflict avoidant. In any conflict situation, I try to end the hostilities as soon as possible. Even if that means hurting myself somehow. Granted, I am better now than I was before but still, that part of me never really went away.
I still have that irrational burning hatred for my family. Don't get me wrong, I love them all but I hate them at the same time too. I don't want to spend anytime around them.
Things have significantly improved once my brothers were medicated and my parents settled down in their jobs. Now that they don't need a peacemaker anymore, I have become cold and distant to all of them.
So now I ask you, can anyone relate? what are some of the environments you grew up in and how have they shaped who you are as a person now? What are your stories?
Thank you for reading.
PS: I got the idea for this post after watching this video " "