I haven't been on here in a while because I'm always busy at school, but this was burning in the back of my brain today. I have gained over 25 pounds in "recovery". I am more miserable than I have ever been in my life. But my cousin snidely commented about me eating a muffin for breakfast for today, instead of the giant mug of straight up black coffee I had when I was ill.
"So you finally decided to stop that dumb s**t?"
As if I chose to have my negative feelings manifest into an eating disorder.
Then I thought back about being in recovery. And how almost all the mentors there were fat. And not fat in the way that an anorexic/bulimic considers everyone fat, but these people were carrying spare tires around their middles. They definitely weren't in shape.
Why is it wrong for me to want to be thin but it's okay for people who aren't in shape to be comfortable with themselves?
If I'm comfortable with myself when my BMI is 17.2 and I'm on my elliptical and jump roping everyday while all these people just sit and gorge upon salad, why am I "unhealthy' when they aren't?
I couldn't stand having unfit people tell me that I was going to get really sick and hurt myself and that all these negative feelings that I put upon my body are a reflection of the anger I have to other people.
I guess that hamburger they're chowing down on is a reflection of the anger they have to cows.
Anyway. I'm sure I could have phrased all of that shorter and better but I'm just writing off the top of my head right now. You all have a splendid day.
"So you finally decided to stop that dumb s**t?"
As if I chose to have my negative feelings manifest into an eating disorder.
Then I thought back about being in recovery. And how almost all the mentors there were fat. And not fat in the way that an anorexic/bulimic considers everyone fat, but these people were carrying spare tires around their middles. They definitely weren't in shape.
Why is it wrong for me to want to be thin but it's okay for people who aren't in shape to be comfortable with themselves?
If I'm comfortable with myself when my BMI is 17.2 and I'm on my elliptical and jump roping everyday while all these people just sit and gorge upon salad, why am I "unhealthy' when they aren't?
I couldn't stand having unfit people tell me that I was going to get really sick and hurt myself and that all these negative feelings that I put upon my body are a reflection of the anger I have to other people.
I guess that hamburger they're chowing down on is a reflection of the anger they have to cows.
Anyway. I'm sure I could have phrased all of that shorter and better but I'm just writing off the top of my head right now. You all have a splendid day.