feedback please

[waiting4u]

I'm 42 and it seems like for as long as I can remember I have either been lonely or alone, and yes they are two different things completly as I'm sure you know. I dont understand who I am most of the time, my purposeor, or where I fit in, seems like I just dont fit in anywhere or with anyone. I dont know if Im depressed as a direct result of all this or dont fit in or have friends because im depressed...make sence? its the chicken or the egg thing! All I know is I'm always thinking about this, there has got to be a simple explanation for feeling this way or for that matter why I dont fit in anywhere or with anyone, alone/lonely all the time just aint cutting it anymore, I hurt deep inside my soul from this. Im always trying to figure it out to the point of completly breaking down, remember the end of godfather 3 where he looses his doughter to the assasin and he cries without making a sound with his mouth wide open, gasping for air, taking it all in for what seemed like 2-3 miniutes then lets go of all that pain he felt for loosing her, well thats how most of my nights end before going to bed, realizing that Im going to have to do it all over again tomorrow, same bat station same bat time Right?. Im not a soft man just a broken one, my soul feels empty, my hart feels broke and my mind feels like an unlubed machine ready to freeze up caused from friction and overload, please help!

 

[Punisher]

Hi waiting4u, and welcome

I'm sorry, i don't know what to say, except that you've come to the right place, and i hope you find the help that you need (i'm sure you will )

 

[Nyktimos]

Welcome Waiting4u. I suppose I've fet much the same all my life. I don't know if we're doing something wrong or if it's the way we're made. I hope you find something here, it's a great place.

 

[Minus]

Welcome.

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome

 

[evanescencefan91]

hi waiting4u
welcome to the forum

i'm sorry you feel so lonely i wish there was a way i could help



that's a really good description (i've never seen the godfather, maybe i should watch it sometime)

i can understand what that feels like a little

when you feel too lonely to even sleep

and when i do these people won't leave my dreams just to remind me of how much i miss them



i hope things will get better for you

*hugs*

 

[DayvanCowboy]

Hello waiting4u.

Many others have come here feeling like the way you do. I can assure you that a lot of forum members here are willing to listen and read your thoughts and troubles in life. Its great that you have found this place and maybe sometime soon you will see that you have a place to express your feelings, and find some insight and opinions on how you feel from others.

I really hope things get just a little bit better for you. Its never ever too late for happiness to enter your life when you have felt so dreadful for such a long time.

Peace

 

[samba101]

I know what you are going through I've been there myself, the days seem endless and all you get to stare at are four walls, might as well be in prison. I'd like to give you a magic cure but there just isn't one. I used to break down wondering what the hell I'd done to derserve it, no friends, no where to go, no one to talk to. There were periods in my life where I did have friends but I'd grown bad self esteem because I thought there was something wrong with me and never knew how to relate to those friends very well. My life has changed now I'm no longer lonely and I do have friends to talk to not many but it's better than nothing. I've been thinking about changing my circumstances but that might mean going back to loneliness and I don't think I can handle that again, not sure what I'm going to do.

 

[FearEmptinessDespair]

I'm 42 and it seems like for as long as I can remember I have either been lonely or alone, and yes they are two different things completly as I'm sure you know. I dont understand who I am most of the time, my purposeor, or where I fit in, seems like I just dont fit in anywhere or with anyone. I dont know if Im depressed as a direct result of all this or dont fit in or have friends because im depressed...make sence? its the chicken or the egg thing! All I know is I'm always thinking about this, there has got to be a simple explanation for feeling this way or for that matter why I dont fit in anywhere or with anyone, alone/lonely all the time just aint cutting it anymore, I hurt deep inside my soul from this. Im always trying to figure it out to the point of completly breaking down, remember the end of godfather 3 where he looses his doughter to the assasin and he cries without making a sound with his mouth wide open, gasping for air, taking it all in for what seemed like 2-3 miniutes then lets go of all that pain he felt for loosing her, well thats how most of my nights end before going to bed, realizing that Im going to have to do it all over again tomorrow, same bat station same bat time Right?. Im not a soft man just a broken one, my soul feels empty, my hart feels broke and my mind feels like an unlubed machine ready to freeze up caused from friction and overload, please help!

Hello,

I have to start by saying that your analogy of your mind being an unlubed machine is brilliant and I feel that way often as well. Sorry to hear that you're feeling so down these days.

I wish there was some magic, cure-all statement I could say to alleviate all your negative emotions and feelings of loneliness. Hell, I wish there was one I could tell myself!

Unfortunately I believe the hard-to-accept truth for each and every one of us is that there will never be that one miracle statement, whether in the shortest forum post or the longest self-help book.

All that we on this board or the writers of those books can do is coax you and each-other to feel better about ourselves. From within you. From within us.

For that is the only place it can come from and be genuine.

I will sit here and tell you, and tell myself, that you and I are good people and can do many great things with our lives. But that does nothing if you or I dont believe it.

If you want to move past your feelings of loneliness, you have to believe first that you love yourself, with your goodness and your flaws, and are ready and willing to love others with their goodness and flaws.

And this is true for myself and every other lonely person. And if the flaws you see in yourself ever overshadow the good things (as they do for all of us sometimes), just know that I already know 2 huge good things about you even after reading your only 2 posts on this board: that you are a great writer and that you care about others.

Explaining your understanding of the indescribable-pain of the chararacter in Godfather went through when he lost daughter proves both those things in one shot.

And I also read your post in response to Caranna's story which is just further re-enforcement of you caring for others.

Furthermore, you've also demonstrated that you care about yourself by comming to this board for help.

I hope this gives you something to think about and maybe helps you feel a little better and a little more motivated to move forward with getting what you want out of life and finding love. It's out there waiting for you. Just like your screenname!

Take care of yourself and I hope to talk to you again soon. Peace.

 

[Caranna]

Hi Waiting:

I, too, am sorry that you're down. I don't know if lonliness=depression. I know it is a symptom, but I'm not convinced it is the cause in all cases. I just think that we're sort of made this way (like a brunette is a brunette). Maybe I'm in denial. But I think a person knows for sure when they don't fit in and it's not always sad, it's just different. It's sad when you want to share and there's no one. And I think that most of us aren't looking for a stockpile of friends, just one or two people to connect with, that really know and love your soul, more than just casual acquaintances, and we'd be satisfied. But I think that requires full trust in others, and maybe us lonely folks don't trust so easy. I don't know - I'm tryng to draw correlations where they may not exist. I haven't seen "The Godfather" but I know what crying until there's nothing left feels like. Wanting to share, but with whom? If you are broken, then someone let you down, and it seems to reaffirm that you are destined to be lonely. I'm being a downer now, but writing this is sad. But know you are not by yourself here. And welcome to ALL (as it's coined) and enjoy talking to others.