Tealeaf
Well-known member
At the end of this year, one of my closest friends since middle school - that's almost ten years - is moving across the ocean to start a new life in England. We're like sisters and have never spent more than a year apart after facing everything from family emergencies and bad breakups together. She came out of her shell as we grew up, while I stayed very much the same except for becoming calmer and more empathetic. I wish we'd spent more time together, and that I'd never allowed us to drift and get lost in living life.
There's a secret I've been keeping from her for almost half this time because I'm so ashamed about what I allowed someone to trick me into doing. I want to confess to her what happened before she leaves, but it's been a secret for so long that I'm not sure I can. I don't think she'd hate me, but the shame of what happened is something that poisoned me for years, and I've only just begun unraveling it all and righting things.
The other friend I've known since middle school wants to move to Chicago. He feels like there's nothing for him in Minnesota, and honestly I don't blame him. His life has always kind of sucked, but we managed to make things pretty okay some days in school by goofing off whenever possible. I don't think we've ever had a heart-to-heart conversation because we're both very private and never managed to draw each other out, but we always had a silent understanding of and tolerance for each other's problems.
I'm facing college feeling both more self-assured than I was when I was younger and more wary of letting people get to know me and forming attachments. I no longer have the sense of self-loathing I did when I was younger, but I've lost something else, too.
On the online front, people are leaving my life, too.
One of my fellow moderators from an old forum passed away... I'm not sure how I feel. Sad, I guess. Last I heard his cancer treatments were actually going well, but apparently some infected areas couldn't be worked on because of other risks, and eventually he was faced with liver failure and told he likely only had a few weeks to live.
I managed that place with him for two years starting with the final stages of conception and design, up until my resignation. Until now I'd entirely forgotten all the staff banter that went on in e-mails and private. The hidden puns I left in the forum descriptions are still there, though he caught a lot of the more obnoxious ones and fixed them, sometimes thinking they were his own typos.
I left that staff team with a lot of things left unsaid
There's a secret I've been keeping from her for almost half this time because I'm so ashamed about what I allowed someone to trick me into doing. I want to confess to her what happened before she leaves, but it's been a secret for so long that I'm not sure I can. I don't think she'd hate me, but the shame of what happened is something that poisoned me for years, and I've only just begun unraveling it all and righting things.
The other friend I've known since middle school wants to move to Chicago. He feels like there's nothing for him in Minnesota, and honestly I don't blame him. His life has always kind of sucked, but we managed to make things pretty okay some days in school by goofing off whenever possible. I don't think we've ever had a heart-to-heart conversation because we're both very private and never managed to draw each other out, but we always had a silent understanding of and tolerance for each other's problems.
I'm facing college feeling both more self-assured than I was when I was younger and more wary of letting people get to know me and forming attachments. I no longer have the sense of self-loathing I did when I was younger, but I've lost something else, too.
On the online front, people are leaving my life, too.
One of my fellow moderators from an old forum passed away... I'm not sure how I feel. Sad, I guess. Last I heard his cancer treatments were actually going well, but apparently some infected areas couldn't be worked on because of other risks, and eventually he was faced with liver failure and told he likely only had a few weeks to live.
I managed that place with him for two years starting with the final stages of conception and design, up until my resignation. Until now I'd entirely forgotten all the staff banter that went on in e-mails and private. The hidden puns I left in the forum descriptions are still there, though he caught a lot of the more obnoxious ones and fixed them, sometimes thinking they were his own typos.
I left that staff team with a lot of things left unsaid
