I guess this thread is a mostly about my story, and a warning for others at the end.
Four years ago I met a girl, she moved over to my country and we married after 2.5 years together. We rented, but had much better plans for our future. I thought I had everything I wanted in this world, I cared for her, I helped her, I loved her and I paid for everything in our relationship, she never had to spend a cent.
There were red flags, a lot of red flags in our relationship that I won't go into but which should have warned me for what was eventually going to happen. I foolishly ignored these flags because I loved her, I truly did, with all my heart.
About six months into our marriage she became more distant. She stopped being interested in what I had to say, stopped being affectionate and became more 'stressed' (or so she told me). I assumed it was because she wanted to make something of her life, she wanted a good career and I helped her wherever she required it. What I was oblivious to was the fact that she was seeing other guys, one quite closely. She eventually came to me and said she was getting too close to some other guy, and became extremely upset and apologetic for days. She told me nothing 'happened' between them, but I had my doubts.
My friends became in short supply as I alienated them over the years (she did not like them, or me spending time with them...yet another red flag).
I made her feel better, and we moved on with me putting the event out of my mind (looking back this was a huge mistake). A year passed and work was beginning to take a toll on me. I was working for our relationship, for our future so there was a few weeks that I worked 7 days. Again, what I didn't realise was that she was seeing another guy while I was working hard.
She acted normally during these weeks, replied in kind whenever I told her I loved her, talked about our future plans and even re-signed our lease together (just days before what was going to happen).
My marriage, and essentially my life (as I built it around her) came to an end when I arrived home one day and tried to talk to her. She was distant, short, and cold. The conversation eventually came to a simple question - "Do you want this relationship?", to which she answered "I don't know, I want to talk about it".
I told her I won't just be an option, that I am leaving and I cannot stay there that night. She didn't try to stop me. I slept at my mothers house and went to work the next day. I left after midday to go home and speak with my wife, hoping she was thinking more clearly. What I found was her with another guy, who had been in our house, in our martial bed with her.
I won't elaborate too much on what happened next other than to say:
I didn't smash the crap out of him, no matter how much I wanted to...
I told her to leave, and I put some of her things outside...
I lay on the floor of our place until the next day...
I packed my things and I left, purely because her parents from overseas begged me to let her come back, and that the poor, ugly, short guy she cheated on me with doesn't have room in his share house to let her stay.
What a joke I am that I agreed to that.
I was humiliated by her in messages and phone calls over the next few days. This was the lowest point for me, and for the first time in my 31 years I thought seriously about where and how to take my life.
Fast forward to now, I am alone with my heart in pieces and I don't think I can ever trust anyone again. This pain has been unbearable.
For the warning:
I met my wife on this very forum.
Be careful who you give your heart to, get to know who they really are before you commit to them. because the saying - "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is very wrong. As I wish with what's left of my soul that I never met this girl, for this experience has brought me to the very pits of hell.
Four years ago I met a girl, she moved over to my country and we married after 2.5 years together. We rented, but had much better plans for our future. I thought I had everything I wanted in this world, I cared for her, I helped her, I loved her and I paid for everything in our relationship, she never had to spend a cent.
There were red flags, a lot of red flags in our relationship that I won't go into but which should have warned me for what was eventually going to happen. I foolishly ignored these flags because I loved her, I truly did, with all my heart.
About six months into our marriage she became more distant. She stopped being interested in what I had to say, stopped being affectionate and became more 'stressed' (or so she told me). I assumed it was because she wanted to make something of her life, she wanted a good career and I helped her wherever she required it. What I was oblivious to was the fact that she was seeing other guys, one quite closely. She eventually came to me and said she was getting too close to some other guy, and became extremely upset and apologetic for days. She told me nothing 'happened' between them, but I had my doubts.
My friends became in short supply as I alienated them over the years (she did not like them, or me spending time with them...yet another red flag).
I made her feel better, and we moved on with me putting the event out of my mind (looking back this was a huge mistake). A year passed and work was beginning to take a toll on me. I was working for our relationship, for our future so there was a few weeks that I worked 7 days. Again, what I didn't realise was that she was seeing another guy while I was working hard.
She acted normally during these weeks, replied in kind whenever I told her I loved her, talked about our future plans and even re-signed our lease together (just days before what was going to happen).
My marriage, and essentially my life (as I built it around her) came to an end when I arrived home one day and tried to talk to her. She was distant, short, and cold. The conversation eventually came to a simple question - "Do you want this relationship?", to which she answered "I don't know, I want to talk about it".
I told her I won't just be an option, that I am leaving and I cannot stay there that night. She didn't try to stop me. I slept at my mothers house and went to work the next day. I left after midday to go home and speak with my wife, hoping she was thinking more clearly. What I found was her with another guy, who had been in our house, in our martial bed with her.
I won't elaborate too much on what happened next other than to say:
I didn't smash the crap out of him, no matter how much I wanted to...
I told her to leave, and I put some of her things outside...
I lay on the floor of our place until the next day...
I packed my things and I left, purely because her parents from overseas begged me to let her come back, and that the poor, ugly, short guy she cheated on me with doesn't have room in his share house to let her stay.
What a joke I am that I agreed to that.
I was humiliated by her in messages and phone calls over the next few days. This was the lowest point for me, and for the first time in my 31 years I thought seriously about where and how to take my life.
Fast forward to now, I am alone with my heart in pieces and I don't think I can ever trust anyone again. This pain has been unbearable.
For the warning:
I met my wife on this very forum.
Be careful who you give your heart to, get to know who they really are before you commit to them. because the saying - "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is very wrong. As I wish with what's left of my soul that I never met this girl, for this experience has brought me to the very pits of hell.
