Feeling Different From...Everyone.

[cryingcloud]

I've recently come up with the acceptance of not fitting in anywhere. I don't mean to come off as jaded, but I'm now a freshmen in college, had a group of friends....and lost them. I don't even know why. Why doesn't anyone understand me? Why don't they just accept me for who I am? I felt as if I was being excluded, so I confronted one of them to see what was wrong. She said there's nothing wrong, and I left the room for a moment and left my phone there. I put it on record, and when I re-played it....they were talking bad about me... They are trying to exclude me...on purpose! I don't get it, I'm a pretty decent person, or I try to be. I'm quirky, but I'm a good listener and very loyal. I was invisible in high school, and I was so happy to have a group of friends, that I thought cared about me....I would love to know what I did wrong, so I can make it up some how....they insist it's all in my mind, but I'm not dumb! Something's going on! I'm so sick of this! I deserve friends too! Nothing in my life has been pleasant, why can't at least ONE good thing happen to me??? On top of that, I lost ANOTHER boy. It's just icing on top of the frickin' cake! ANOTHER boy comes into my life and finds SOOOMMMMMEEE reason to walk out....after 2 weeks of knowing me, and making me think we actually have a chance to be together. Why am I the kind of person who has such troubles building relationships? I'm 19 years old! I feel like a failure when I cry to my mom about this, because she would always tell me how college is the best time of your life, and the people you meet there are friends for life. I don't see that happening to me at all....I don't know how I came to be this person...All I want is to be accepted, not surrounded by friends...I just want at least one....just one....to have more would be wonderful...but, one would be enough too. Life is my biggest bully. It leaves me feeling....hopeless and defeated.

 

[Garbageman]

Hey there Cryingcloud,
I am sorry you are having such a hard time relating with others and making friends. I don't know that I can offer up any great advice, but I would like to point out you are very young and this is your first year of College, I am not sure how far along in the year you are? Sometimes it can take a while. When I was in College it was amazing how much of a difference there was from one class to another, some of the classes I got along well I met people and was fairly social, there were other classes where, I hardly said anything to anyone, and no one said anything to me. Finding friends is not usually an instant happening. You know how there are people who lurk online for a while before they ever say anything? Well the same happens in real life. So I would recommend giving it more time, maybe look for some clubs to join that you might find interesting. Sometimes College is not the best time and not everyone walks away with lifelong friends, but don't get discouraged, keep your head up and just make the most of your time. You have to keep in mind many people end up switching and changing friends throughout college, as a lot of the out of high school college kids, are evolving adapting and changing and figuring out who they are. For many College students this is their first experience away form the control and supervision of their parents. People in this stage can be very unpredictable personality and friendship wise. Nothing is true or works the same for everyone as they go through college, just stay true to yourself, and don't compare your experience to others. I wish you the best. Take care

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey cryingcloud, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I guess I can kinda relate in a way.. I don't know, I never really felt like I fit in with anyone when I was in school. Sure, I get along well with people, but it's all superficial. Nobody I could actually connect with.. and well it wasn't always the best time of my life. It never was the best time of my life lol.

Anyway, if your friends can't appreciate you, then you're probably hanging out and looking for the wrong type of people to make friends with. Don't let that dampen your spirits or stop you from making other friends. There are so many around you in college and you're in your first year? There's still time to build friendships but I would also advice that you try not to make this a major hindrance to you and your studies. I always think that when you go to school, you have to learn to prioritise. Yes, you'll need friends and support to help you make it easier and more fun, but don't let these negative experiences ruin the main reason why you're in college.

You will make a friend. Focus on your studies, when you have classes you'll have to interact with other people in them, socialise and see where each interaction brings you. But just be yourself. Don't put up a different personality just because you want to get a friend, rather, be yourself and you'll know who the true friends are, the ones who stay and continue being your friends.

Don't give up. Ditch these people who don't deserve your company. It'll only hurt you further in the long term. Look for new friends, and just remember, friends come and go. Don't expect it to happen immediately though. Things take time to develop.. especially friendships. Take it easy, hope you feel better soon and all the best. *hugs*

 

[Regumika]

Feeling different is usually the thing we see for being unique. its an issue a lot of us have. of course we all want to fit in. (birds of a feather flock together) the same applies to people. but people have the capacity to accept those that are different, which animals typically do not have.

you might argue that 'being unique is good' is just to sugarcoat the real issue... no its not. almost every famous/infamous people are different/unique which is why they are recognized/publicized.

 

[Senamian]

Even if everyone were made the same: Same eyes, same nose, same height, same weight, same dreams and same failures... Somehow we would always find a flaw in the others. To be honest, individuality is what makes us.... And breaks us.

If they are avoiding you and bad mouthing you... They were never real friends in the first place. I refused to be a part of the sour gossip and rumors of someone I worked with, and she and I are great friends. I don't have the heart (or lack of?) to join in to such crap. You're asking what I have been asking since tween-years And I still do not have an answer.

 

[a lonely person]

I think i have a similar problem, but I just resigned myself to lonliness. it doesnt matter what I try to do, I just cant relate to people, I just wanted some friends for not being so bored most of the time, but I cant have that. So be it, ill just have to find things I can do on my own.

Feeling different is usually the thing we see for being unique. its an issue a lot of us have. of course we all want to fit in. (birds of a feather flock together) the same applies to people. but people have the capacity to accept those that are different, which animals typically do not have.

you might argue that 'being unique is good' is just to sugarcoat the real issue... no its not. almost every famous/infamous people are different/unique which is why they are recognized/publicized.

No, famous people are recognized and publicized for whatever the reason they are famous, we cant throw them all in a basket and say "they are famous because they are different".
If you get to know enough a person, you will realize that person is different from the rest, not because its a special person, but because you know him, and everyone is different, you could argue about people following trends like sheeps etc, but thats only what you see from the outside. If two people wear the same outfit and buy the same phone doesnt mean they are the same in every other aspect.
Why are famous people different? because you know a lot of stuff about their lifes, enough to tell them apart from "the mass" what is "the mass"? the people you know nothing about.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

I think the thing that sets people apart is their unique qualities and quirks. Talents as well. This would be the time to really find your wings and fly (not to be cheesy) but this is the time to experiment and find out who you really are as a person and cultivate your talents. Find things about you that you find great and focus on those things. If you're into art, get big time into it, or whatever your interest is. Find a passion and throw yourself into it. Working on what's inside and growing confidence in your abilities are what you can do now. It won't take long for other people to notice how amazing you are when you finally feel that about yourself first.
Go out and find ways to shine girl

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Hi crying. I am quite a bit older than you. I have never made friends easily. It took me years to really understand why. First, you have to understand that deep friendships are rare. I know you long for people to really know you. We all do. The reality is that most friends are simply superficial friends. They don't really want to know anyone that deeply. It isn't just you. That is across the board. I have to learn the MOST people really only desire a more superficial relationship. They want laughs and good times. They don't want to share your pain or your bad times.
That doesn't mean they are uncaring. It is just all they have room for. I have had to learn to accept that there are different levels of friendship. If you are lucky you will have one or two really great friends. But, for the most part, i don't know my other friends all that well. I know them situationally. Like i have a friend i work out with or one i go to the movies with. It begins and ends there. i would like a deeper friendship but they seem satisfied with that so i take it as it is.
Another point. do you come across as desperate or as a wounded person? People don't want to interact with someone who is sending that message. When meeting new people, you truly need to keep it light and fun. Get to know people in a fun, superficial way. Positive energy is attractive. Try to work on that. But, don't come on too strong. You will really have to meet up with someone several times with some light positive interactions and then you can take it to the friendship level.
Then you should monitor yourself. Don't try to get overly involved with a new person early on. People need room to breathe. When i finally learned it was about that and not about ME personally, i no longer let that bother me. And, most friends will remain as superficial friends. But, eventually you are really going to click and make some deep friendships.
For now, focus on your studies. Find your passions in what YOU enjoy. Passionate, enthusiastic people are attractive people to be around. Find your spark again. And, when you do others will just naturally gravitate toward you.