Forgiveness: Sometimes Impossible?

[flaneur]

I recently discovered that I was betrayed by a very close friend of mine. To make matters worse, this 'friend' did the same thing a few years ago, which resulted in us not speaking for months. It has now become apparent that some people never quite learn. We're all human and make mistakes, but does everyone deserve another chance? How do you know when/if you should forgive?

 

[Ak5]

You should always forgive. But should you keep up with your friends continuous antics? Absolutely not. If it's serious, then you should consider forgiving and letting your friend go. You don't want to be around people who would always disappoint you.

But hey, your friend might not do it again? Who knows? Forgive and forget. If it's not too much of a pain, you could give your friend another chance.

The choice is yours, ultimately.

 

[Felix]

It's impossible when the situation is recurrent. If you find yourself going over the same problems with the same person, is probably best to move on and leave that friendship behind. It can be hard to let go but sometines you just have to do it.

You can't really make a person change, it's very unlikely they will change. I've tried to help a friend in the past, I was patient with him but in the end the same issues repeated time after time so I dumped him.

 

[passage]

Like 2pac said "forgive but don't forget"

 

[LoneKiller]

Your Heart Will Tell You If You Listen closely.

 

[Tiina63]

If the betrayl was over something very serious, then I would forgive them (for your own sake, so you are not comsumed with bitterness and anger) and then break contact.

 

[dannyr22]

If the betrayl was over something very serious, then I would forgive them (for your own sake, so you are not comsumed with bitterness and anger) and then break contact.

+1 Tiina has got it right. Although I personally find it easier to skip forgiving & simply move on in some cases

 

[hopsfox]

Wise words Tina63. Bite the bullet dannyr22. I'm new around here. Hello all!

"One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.
The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

"I could not help myself. It is my nature."

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river."

 

[Gutted]

I forgive when it's worth it. If I have fallen out with someone and I have no intention of speaking to them again then there is no point in forgiving them. Unless it makes me feel better.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Forgiveness doesn't exist.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I forgive when it's worth it. If I have fallen out with someone and I have no intention of speaking to them again then there is no point in forgiving them. Unless it makes me feel better.

This is how I feel, as well.

Sometimes there are things you simply cannot forgive.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Forgiveness can become another illusion of games people play.

Ive been on the giving end and recieving end of pains.
Ive made sincere efforts to correct my mistakes to most people Ive hurted.
I cant changed the past...what's done is done.
I was never rendered white as snow.

Some people that hurted me also made efforts. Some havnt.
Some people tried but cant seem to follow through.
My forgiveness has nothing to do with what other people do.

At the end of the day....Wheather its the remose, guilt and shame of me hurting
others...Or the hurted I feel from others hurting me....
I simply just have to get over i, let it go...drop it. ect
It too much wieght on my soul. It fucks with my head. its too emotionally taxing.

Life gose on. I must move forward.
I'll be better off carring less mental and emotional baggages.
It dosnt matter who hurted who to me anymore, I'll still have to clean house regardless.

You must recognize this simple fact.
You are the only person that feels what you feel.
Your feelings come from within you.
I cant change or control others...
I can only try to change how I feel and what i do.
The simple facts still remains...I'm responsible for my own happiness and life.

Life can be unfair at times. There's plenty of hateful evil people in this world.
There's plenty of people that dosnt have any value for me or my life.
No one on this planet was put here to ruffle my feathers or maintain my happiness.
It can get really complicated becuase the people that hurts me the most are the people I love the most.

If I wait for others to get right..It's putting my life on hold.
Plus Im giving people too much power over me.
It's basic codependency. If i become dependent on others for happiness. Im setting myself up for a fall.

I still have to follow the basic of looking out for number one. Take care of me. Love myself first and formost..ect

Whatever you gotta do to rid of the negative emtions you're carrying.
If forgiveness works for you,...Great!
If it donst....You dont have to forgive.

 

[Phaedron]

Forgiveness can be hard sometimes. I find it helpful to focus on higher things. Each person is ultimately part of the one God. The main emphasis on forgiveness comes from Christian thought, which also seems to consolidate everyone and everythig as part of the being of God, who is Love, which at a base level is the union of all pairs. The living God, the essence of life itself, as opposed to nonexistence, death, the queen of infinite space, a canvas for life to occur that desires to return to being dead. Thus we become the servant of ALL, pray for our enemies, etc. It's mainly about looking beyond the things you want, but I agree there is some aspect of the pain that will never go away.

"In that day the Lord shall be one. God is love. The body is the temple of God." these and many others reveal the interconected oneness of life, which is one in the hidden sense, much like if I create a world full of characters and environments in my head, the one human whose imagination they are within is concealed from them. It is also interesting to note the tower of babel "The people now are one, now nothing they shall set out to do shall be withheld from them." If there comes a complete consensus then nothing is impossible.

 

[sunshinemisa]

As hard as it is, forgive but don't forget. As many others have said, if you don't forgive, you become like a broken record and also become bitter as well.

I had a very close group of friends that I considered family. I was there for them during the good times and especially there for the bad times. We argued but always made up. One day, there was a situation which involved myself, a really good friend and one other person. This situation blew up until everyone became involved and everyone's feelings were hurt. We were in the beginning phase of making up when my dad passed away. None of them, the group that I considered family came to the funeral. Not one of them sent their condolences. I was crushed and felt so betrayed and it took a long time to forgive but I did. If you don't forgive you spend an enormous amount of energy feeling bitterness, betrayal, and sometime even hate. I don't use that word too often but if you hate someone or even a group you eventually become so bitter you change as a person. You don't trust anyone, you become too cautious making friends ( if you do make friends) and sometimes you become a hermit for the fear of betrayal again.

Please don't become like that, it's not living and you will miss out on life. I became a hermit in the sense of becoming a workaholic and missed out on living a life for 5 years. I don't regret it because I try not to have regrets and just learn from it.

 

[Okiedokes]

It is best to forgive, mainly for ourselves. It's the only way to heal. The other person may never apologize or think they should have to and there's nothing we can do about that. So sometimes it's best to just do it for your own well being. It surely doesn't mean that we forget though, or have the same trust in that person. In some situations, it isn't easy to do I am sure... but it's worth trying. Holding grudges just sucks the life out of you.