Oldyoung
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 11, 2012
- Messages
- 515
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- 4
One thing that's been on my mind now and then, is how you can have a lot of people around you, but still feel you're missing out socially. You meet people at work or school every day, but they are not your friends. You could be in a sports club or similar, and be on good terms with people there. So much that you'll be saying hi if you pass each other on the street, but they still won't be your friends. The essence here, is that "forced interactions" never create friendships automatically even though they bring people together. There will always be a social barrier in place. You don't spend your spare time with a coworker. You don't invite a fellow student home, for working on a project or watching a movie. You don't all eat together after finishing a training session, everyone goes home to his/her own place right after.
With forced interactions, I mean interactions that are NOT controlled and managed from within the group of people you are actually hanging around. Examples of this is the office at work, the waiting line for the bus, lectures at school, sport club training sessions, attending religious ceremonies..
Voluntary interactions though, that's when a person within a group of people take initiative for something, and the initiative is followed up by the group. Examples of initiatives being hikes, weekend trips, restaurant visits, movie-nights, frisbee, football, helping someone within the group move to a new place, or going jogging.. In short, the interactions are managed and handled by the people in the group.
In my opinion, what defines friendships, is voluntarily spending time together, doing a variety of activities. That is, the only really common feature of the interactions happening within a group, is the people within it arranging them. It's NOT about poker night or jogging every Tuesday morning. It's a group of people that enjoy spending time together, who decided that playing poker together would be fun. The next time, the same people might meet up and play basket ball. The group is the center of revolution in a sense. The people is what matters.
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So this is my advice to people wanting proper friendships. Be aware of this dynamic, and try finding acceptance in a "voluntarily interacting group" instead of trying to transition from acquaintance to friend. The latter is possible, but takes lots of time and social skills.
With forced interactions, I mean interactions that are NOT controlled and managed from within the group of people you are actually hanging around. Examples of this is the office at work, the waiting line for the bus, lectures at school, sport club training sessions, attending religious ceremonies..
Voluntary interactions though, that's when a person within a group of people take initiative for something, and the initiative is followed up by the group. Examples of initiatives being hikes, weekend trips, restaurant visits, movie-nights, frisbee, football, helping someone within the group move to a new place, or going jogging.. In short, the interactions are managed and handled by the people in the group.
In my opinion, what defines friendships, is voluntarily spending time together, doing a variety of activities. That is, the only really common feature of the interactions happening within a group, is the people within it arranging them. It's NOT about poker night or jogging every Tuesday morning. It's a group of people that enjoy spending time together, who decided that playing poker together would be fun. The next time, the same people might meet up and play basket ball. The group is the center of revolution in a sense. The people is what matters.
...
So this is my advice to people wanting proper friendships. Be aware of this dynamic, and try finding acceptance in a "voluntarily interacting group" instead of trying to transition from acquaintance to friend. The latter is possible, but takes lots of time and social skills.