Havens daily reflection #2

[Haven]

For those who are not aware my birthday was the 9th of February. I’m 21 now friends and family called me. I didn’t get a call from my father. My father and my mother are no longer together. My father often calls my mother to spend time with her but my rejects him. My mother brought my father to court and made him pay child support. This was long ago. My Mother made it clear she wants nothing to do with him but he calls her often. He acts as if I don’t exist he never calls me on birthdays or holidays. The last time I seen him was my High school graduation in 2008 last time I spoke on the phone was last father’s day I called him. We talked for under a minute he told me he was busy at that moment and he would call me back when he was done and I never spoke to him again. I guess you can say I’m still waiting for that call. He calls my mother often. I use to try to talk to him often. But it always seems he doesn’t want to talk to me. My mother tells me that she asks him to call me he tells her he will but never does.

I most likely should have given up on the idea of having a relationship with him years ago. His treatment of me is nothing new. My father called my mother earlier today so I’ve been reflecting on our relationship all day. It's just some thing for me to think about.

 

[shells]

I am sorry.

I can relate. HAve you confronted him about it?

 

[packyourbags]

Hey Haven.
yeah, i know you had a birthday
and well... sometimes you can't really do anything... the thing you can do is be there - but if they do not want the relationship - you cannot force it
(hug)

in the end... painful as it may be, your parents are just people. they have all the usual faults. and they are not always aware of the pain they inflict by simply not being there sometimes.

i'm sorry that your relationship with your father causes you pain. but it does seem like you have your mom, and do talk to her - so it must be better than nothing right?

(hug)

 

[DrunkenMonkey]

To start, Happy belated B-day! 21 and growing up. You can legally get drunk with the rest of us alchy's!

Anyway, my situation is similar in that im not close with my father. He cheated on my mom when i was 11 and my mom packed us up and left him. Cant says i blame her. He married the woman and is still with her... good for him.

Regardless im 36 now and the last real talk i had with him was back when i was 29. I went to visit him and his wife at their home. He still thought of me as a boy since we didnt talk but every 5 years or so. But i had a daughter when i was 19 and i have always vowed to NEVER let my daughter feel about me the way i do about my father. She is my baby girl and always will be.

But we chatted for a few hours at his house and he tried to apologize for his lack of being there for me. I told him it was ok, i never needed him before and i still dont, i have grown to be a good man and father myself(IMO). But i told him also that i forgave him. He did what he felt he needed to do in his life and im no less a man for it. I will always love him as my father but i dont respect him as a person. It is what it is.

As you get older you often see things in retrospect and if you are strong willed, then you will make do with what you have as opposed to what you missed out on. My father is an awful example of how to be a family man and dad, but i also thank him for making me realize as a father what NOT to do or be like. My daughter and i are very close and i cant tell you how lucky i got with her. Truly an angel even at 17 her and i have never had any problems and we talk very openly about all matters pertaining to her, including sex and drugs, etc. But my biggest thing is i never lie to her and i think that goes a long way.

Continue your life and always keep in mind what he has done to you, but also look at it in another perspective. Its not YOU that did the wrong thing, its just who your father is... and his loss.

 

[Steel]

My father hasn't spoken to me since I was 6.

Some people suck at being parents.

 

[nerdygirl]

He is not worthy. Adopt me, I'll be your Dad.