Hesitation

[Woz]

I can't quite my finger around this one, i'm guessing it may social anxiety. I'm absolutely terrible at conversation, i never know what to say. When I do know what to say, I always judge in my head whether or not it's going to sound right. I usually say things that just don't seem socially acceptable anymore.
Also, when typing, i have to make sure it's understandable. I often delete and re-write posts like this because I'm afraid i'm chatting lots of nonsense. In most of my writing, and when talking in person, I always ask if i make any sense as i often confuse people.

Does anybody feel this way when socialising? It makes me want to isolate myself.

 

[Lua]

Yes, I often worry about that. I'm actually glad you made this thread because it was/is one of my biggest fears, but I didn't know how to put it and it isn't bothering me as much as it used to.

I think I don't actually say confusing or inacceptable things more often than the average person, but I worry about it more. It's worst when I'm trying to write something because I have more time to think about it. Then I'll worry about whether people will think I sound silly, patronizing, just not funny, anything negative you can come up with. So I often end up rephrasing mails or posts or deleting a reply and not posting anything.

I've gotten used to it with real life conversations though. I always worried about what to say and often ended up saying nothing. Then after having a conversation with someone, I obsessed about supposedly wrong or weird things I might have said. I've gotten more confident and better at ignoring those thoughts, so I suppose habit really is the key... Just tell yourself over and over that what you're saying is fine, even if you're convinced it isn't. I absolutely know what you mean with "not knowing what to say" though. I always used to think about what the most appropriate response would be, to the point where I wasn't even sure about my own opinion on something.

Do people really tell you that you say confusing/socially not acceptable things or is that how you interpret their reactions? If it's the latter, then you might be overanalyzing because of low self-esteem or anxiety (that's what I do. Well, I hope it is ;D).

 

[PyramidHead]

It makes me want to isolate myself.

DON'T. I tried, even without realizing and wanting it... I can't recommend it to you. It may be social anxiety, or it may not be. I would recommend you to read some books or articles about social anxiety, which kinda helped me a lot more to understand how my problems fit in and how I can fight them. I don't really hope that it is all that bad, but if it is, then you may prepare for a long war, that can only be won battle by battle.

No matter in which situation, it seems to be a problem, so you have to face it. Running away or ignoring it will just make it worse.
That's why isolation is not an option for you. At least, it shouldn't be.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Think about how you are around your parents or very close friends, far more relaxed, spontaneous no doubt. If you are then you know you are capable of expressing yourself perfectly its just a question of feeling awkward which makes us second guess what we are going to say. All you can do is just try and relax and it will come over time with practice, you're only 19 plenty of time to find your place in the world. A few self doubts are no bad thing either, better than being born loving the sound of your own voice and thinking everything that comes out of your mouth is gold.

 

[Woz]

I often end up rephrasing mails or posts or deleting a reply and not posting anything.

Do people really tell you that you say confusing/socially not acceptable things or is that how you interpret their reactions? If it's the latter, then you might be overanalyzing because of low self-esteem or anxiety (that's what I do. Well, I hope it is ;D).

I'm glad I'm not the only one that rephrases or even deletes replies haha.

Nobody really says anything actually. Some people do so maybe that's why I interpret their reactions this way. I am very analytic in social situations lol.

Good Citizen I definitely don't think my voice is gold but I am very proud of my beliefs (i have a lot of them) so sometimes I do come out my shell. In these situations I am careful of what I say because i think I offend people without meaning to sometimes. This may be because i interpret arguments as good debates in which I will learn something and the other person will learn something. I imagine the other person sees this in the same way but to them it's just an argument and i appear to be showing off. I always have to apologise even if I haven't offended them, just in case lol.

 

[GioRocket]

I'm the same regarding posts on forums, I am a member on a lot of forums that I visit fairly regularly and I would love to write full long essays on whatever subject the thread it on but when it comes to it I only end up writing a small paragraph or just a sentence or 2. So my post count is alway pretty small and I would never be able to meet or talk to any of the other members because I was barely posting anything. It always frustrated me because I would love to talk to people on those forums but I never really know what to say or how to go about it

So annoying

 

[Woz]

I'm the same regarding posts on forums, I am a member on a lot of forums that I visit fairly regularly and I would love to write full long essays on whatever subject the thread it on but when it comes to it I only end up writing a small paragraph or just a sentence or 2. So my post count is alway pretty small and I would never be able to meet or talk to any of the other members because I was barely posting anything. It always frustrated me because I would love to talk to people on those forums but I never really know what to say or how to go about it

So annoying

Someone I met told me to sign up to a photography forum so I did. They meet up often to talk and go on photo walks. He said if I posted more he'd get to know me and take me out places.

But, like you said, I can't seem to keep my posts going. I just don't feel comfortable with what I post.

 

[Lua]

Someone I met told me to sign up to a photography forum so I did. They meet up often to talk and go on photo walks. He said if I posted more he'd get to know me and take me out places.

But, like you said, I can't seem to keep my posts going. I just don't feel comfortable with what I post.

Hmm the photography opportunity really sounds great. Maybe you can keep pushing yourself if you keep your goal in mind? I'm the last person to give advice on this (have a look at my post count and registration date ), but the more you post, the more comfortable you'll probably feel. Even if it's awful while you're typing or after you've posted something, chances are you'll get used to it and end up meeting new people.

 

[kindster]

Feel you bro, i had tha same problem year ago but i solved it. I started reading books, i even started singing (when i am alone XD), talked to therapists once in a while and i still do and i hanged with friends mby 3 times a week and i am still and was on meds. I am now used to conversations and i am no longer anxious though but feeling good now didn't came from sitting and doing nothing i worked so hard to change my self and not to mention that i destroyed myself in gym all for brigther future!
-With love Kindster ^^

 

[MindsArmor]

I would love to write full long essays on whatever subject the thread it on but when it comes to it I only end up writing a small paragraph or just a sentence or 2. So my post count is alway pretty small and I would never be able to meet or talk to any of the other members because I was barely posting anything. It always frustrated me because I would love to talk to people on those forums but I never really know what to say or how to go about it

So annoying

That's exactly how it goes for me as well. It's not like I'm afraid of writing something bad or worry about people judging me one way or another. I just don't have anything say.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Conversation is definitely not a strong area of mine. Either I have no interest in the topic being discussed, or I just can't think of anything to say. I never liked talking just for the sake of talking.

 

[isthatso]

I often delete and re-write posts like this because I'm afraid i'm chatting lots of nonsense

Once you realise that all of us write nonsense most of the time, you'll feel much better. It's only by writing practice that we get to the gems occasionally and say to ourselves " where did that come from, that was rather profound?'

I used to edit a lot...but honestly, does it really matter? who cares? as long as it is readable..

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I'm only that way around women I'm interested in....