NotThrivingStillSmiling
Active member
Hey everyone, i guess we all have something in common?
I'm Tom, 37, currently in London (UK)
Pfffft! where to even start? I'll save you all the trauma the extended version.....(trust me it aint pretty!)....lets say i lost my Mum in reasonably tragic circumstances on mothers day at 8months old.... (i know, pitiful, blahblah)
I had a very isolated , violent, angry childhood, (childhood dream was being on a deserted island alone), excellent early years education (nothing to distract me) up until i found dirty rugs(drugs!) around 16-17, which had a very positive effect at the time (MDMA, psychedelics) actually had conversations, met people, (briefly) bloomed into a social butterfly, had a very successful career as a hippy drug dealer in a small town away from the organised crime/violence usually associated with such things from around 17yrs-23yrs.. I learned a hell of a lot about how money doesnt make you happy and how people are materialistic (fascinating insight into human psychology), managed to get out of that world.. (I really wanted a job, get outside, off the sofa, contribute to society etc) so started a job washing up, over 10yrs in hospitality I went from pot wash to head chef), I absolutely burned out doing 70/80hr weeks, writing rotas, costing menus, coming in on days off for deliveries and covering sick ppl blahblah... I started working as a despatch rider(bicycle messenger?) which I've been doing now for 6yrs and generally loving it..
unfortunately my childhood dream has come true (be careful what you wish for guys and girls!) I now live alone, work alone, start/finish work when I want, if I don't go to work nobody even notices or realises)
my relationship life been pretty tragic....I came out of a relationship with a mother of two the year before last (got quite attached to my 'step'kids, used to do the school run, read bedtime stories etc, ended up paying court fee when one of the Dads kidnapped his daughter) (both kids had seperate dads and saw their Dads 1week on 1week off).....anyway she ended up being psycho and lots of her web of lies unfolded WASNT ALLOWED TO SAY BYE TO THE KIDS which was gutting.....came out of that pan of craziness straight into the proverbial fire....had a local neighbor on a Facebook forum needing some bicycle maintenance....we ended up getting together....she had just recovered from a heroin addiction and being homeless but had a place and a job and was doing okay....she ended up skit-zing out at an extended family wedding, called my twin sister a slag, smashed the place up, turned my face into a fruit salad over about a 5hr period (no, ive never laid a finger on a partner in my life) and when i tried to break up with her she smashed up the windows of my house, drunk absusive messages blahblah...this went on for about a year but havnt spoken/heard from her in 3months now) but she pretty much destroyed any relationship i have with my family/extended family and reinforced the vulnerability and risk associated with relationships (ive been burned here before, a childhood friend got murdered, stabbed in the back with a screwdriver by his female partner the week before his 18th birthday)
sorry guys, bit of a heavy read and im trying my best to be brief!!
i have a great love of the humanities (law, politics, sociology, international relations, history, archaeology, anthropology-humans fascinate me) but always feel like an outsider looking in (back to the desert island childhood dream)
I've just become conscious of the amount of brackets I've been using, yikes!!
i love honest, open, compassionate and considerate debate; i think all of us here who are 'lonely' are here because we've created a world not really suited to humans, the crazy amount of change I've seen in 3.5 decades is mind-blowing and only going to deteriorate in my opinion.
thanks for reading,
Tom
I'm Tom, 37, currently in London (UK)
Pfffft! where to even start? I'll save you all the trauma the extended version.....(trust me it aint pretty!)....lets say i lost my Mum in reasonably tragic circumstances on mothers day at 8months old.... (i know, pitiful, blahblah)
I had a very isolated , violent, angry childhood, (childhood dream was being on a deserted island alone), excellent early years education (nothing to distract me) up until i found dirty rugs(drugs!) around 16-17, which had a very positive effect at the time (MDMA, psychedelics) actually had conversations, met people, (briefly) bloomed into a social butterfly, had a very successful career as a hippy drug dealer in a small town away from the organised crime/violence usually associated with such things from around 17yrs-23yrs.. I learned a hell of a lot about how money doesnt make you happy and how people are materialistic (fascinating insight into human psychology), managed to get out of that world.. (I really wanted a job, get outside, off the sofa, contribute to society etc) so started a job washing up, over 10yrs in hospitality I went from pot wash to head chef), I absolutely burned out doing 70/80hr weeks, writing rotas, costing menus, coming in on days off for deliveries and covering sick ppl blahblah... I started working as a despatch rider(bicycle messenger?) which I've been doing now for 6yrs and generally loving it..
unfortunately my childhood dream has come true (be careful what you wish for guys and girls!) I now live alone, work alone, start/finish work when I want, if I don't go to work nobody even notices or realises)
my relationship life been pretty tragic....I came out of a relationship with a mother of two the year before last (got quite attached to my 'step'kids, used to do the school run, read bedtime stories etc, ended up paying court fee when one of the Dads kidnapped his daughter) (both kids had seperate dads and saw their Dads 1week on 1week off).....anyway she ended up being psycho and lots of her web of lies unfolded WASNT ALLOWED TO SAY BYE TO THE KIDS which was gutting.....came out of that pan of craziness straight into the proverbial fire....had a local neighbor on a Facebook forum needing some bicycle maintenance....we ended up getting together....she had just recovered from a heroin addiction and being homeless but had a place and a job and was doing okay....she ended up skit-zing out at an extended family wedding, called my twin sister a slag, smashed the place up, turned my face into a fruit salad over about a 5hr period (no, ive never laid a finger on a partner in my life) and when i tried to break up with her she smashed up the windows of my house, drunk absusive messages blahblah...this went on for about a year but havnt spoken/heard from her in 3months now) but she pretty much destroyed any relationship i have with my family/extended family and reinforced the vulnerability and risk associated with relationships (ive been burned here before, a childhood friend got murdered, stabbed in the back with a screwdriver by his female partner the week before his 18th birthday)
sorry guys, bit of a heavy read and im trying my best to be brief!!
i have a great love of the humanities (law, politics, sociology, international relations, history, archaeology, anthropology-humans fascinate me) but always feel like an outsider looking in (back to the desert island childhood dream)
I've just become conscious of the amount of brackets I've been using, yikes!!
i love honest, open, compassionate and considerate debate; i think all of us here who are 'lonely' are here because we've created a world not really suited to humans, the crazy amount of change I've seen in 3.5 decades is mind-blowing and only going to deteriorate in my opinion.
thanks for reading,
Tom
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crazy what social animals we are and how just being heard and validated is IMMENSE. hope ya keeping ya chin up in that big apple 
lol
