simhthmss said:
losing my friends isnt whats hurting me, its psychosis and severe depression right now, i spend all day clutching my head crying unable to deal with the psychological pain im in, i cant find its reason, its root...its just 'there' a mess of voices, flashbacks and just strait...pain
Well I wouldn't be so quick to throw away the fact that losing friends hurts.
A loss is still a loss, and if you reject that this is what causes you pain then it's easy enough not to realize where some of that pain is coming from.
I know what you mean by this, though. The voices, the pain, the flashbacks. All too familiar to me. But I have mostly learned to channel those emotions. I have my failures, like anyone else, but I use these emotions to better myself most of the time. If you'll forgive the metaphor: I can see beauty in the darkness.
From what I can tell, we can all experience life basically in one of two ways.
1. We let the pain build up over time, slowing torturing us, and eventually succumb to it.
2. We can accept the pain, learn to channel our emotions into something productive, and move on with our lives not allowing these things to get us down. That we can move towards a greater goal and even a greater good, even if we do not truly now where or what that may be.
As I said, I see beauty in the darkness.
If something is torturing me I find a way to let it out. My pain and my experiences can help other people. I try to help other people on forums to deal with their own pain and torture.
I also like to write, draw, paint, cook, garden, carve, and basically create any number of various things all of which reflect these emotions. Or at least I used to. I haven't lately, as I don't have much free time these days, but maybe that's why I'm here. Who knows? I go where the wind takes me.
In any case, as an example: Maybe I'll draw or paint an image of a monster or demon? This is a way to fight my own demons and to let them out, and to trap them inside. Others who see this might find their own peace in it, knowing that there are others out there who feel the same way.
Or maybe I'll carve an angel, as a representation of all the light and beauty that I see and want to see in this world.
It is up to you to define how you might want to channel those feelings. My examples are just things that I've tried in the past and have somewhat worked for me.
We all have some light and some darkness inside us. Some of us deal with this by withdrawing from the darkness. Some by withdrawing from the light. Others by withdrawing themselves completely, rejecting the whole world in various ways.
And finally, there are some others who embrace both the light and the dark and learn to use them together as two parts of one whole, and as two pieces of themselves.
So don't reject the pain. I know it hurts but accept it, all of it, and understand where it is coming from. Then turn it into something that you can be proud of, turn it into a piece of who you are, because it is already a piece of who you are. Channel this into the real world so that you can get it out of your soul.