Hello everyone!
I came across your forum a few days ago and since then have been coming back every now and again to read a post or two. I've decided to try and join in myself rather than sit on the sidelines.
I am in my early 20s, at the point in my life that most people will look back on nostalgically. For me, it's a time in my life i would like be far, far removed from. Like many, my teenage years were horrific, but what is beginning to cut away at the last dregs of optimism and positivity I have in reserve is the fact that I don't seem to be moving from that phase. I'm an undergrad now and will be graduating in the not too distant future, but I don't have the social life or the friends or anything like that. I've tried everything, societies, teams... nothing seems to work. Everyone on my course already has their own friends; people are nice and friendly during classes, but then everyone scatters off to wherever. I spend most of my time now alone in my room starting creative writing pieces I never finish or trying to teach myself to use chalk and oil pastels. It would be a different story if I just shut myself up in my room from the very beginning and didn't make any effort, but the fact was I did the total opposite.
I have three "friends", two here and one elsewhere, but if I'm honest with myself, only one of them is a true, all-weather friend. He was in the same boat during our childhood, but he has landed on his feet where he is studying (he is the "elsewhere" one) and has never been happier. Friends, girlfriend, active social life, the works. He is more than happy to listen and try to help, but I get paranoid that he'll eventually get bored of it all and I'm scared of losing the only real friend I have in the world. The other two are great guys, but it's often a one-way deal. They're more like very good acquaintances. I had a girlfriend a few years ago which was a ray of sunshine in some awful times, but that all went south two years in when she broke up with me and it knocked what confidence I had down to below-zero. I've not had any kind of interest from girls since. I would love to have a girlfriend more than anything but it just isn't happening. I know I'm a good enough looking person, but its the lack of confidence that lets me down. I'm forever seeing happy couples and it just seems to make it worse.
I'm just so lonely, and I get upset because I know that such an important time in my young life is passing me by and nothing I have tried has helped me grasp it. My mother always tried to make me stay positive, and I do really try, but it has just gotten to the point where I want to give up. I always keep my head up no matter how I feel inside, I do things way out of my comfort zone to try and better myself, I do everything to try and make friends, I'm forever giving people second and third and fourth chances, but nothing still seems to work. I'm not stupid enough to think something's going to happen overnight, but I've been putting so much effort in for years and years now without any light at the end of the tunnel that it just wears me down.
I know I would be a good and loyal friend to anyone regardless of who or what they are, but I just haven't got the chance and it kills me because it feels like wasted potential. I've tried everything, every conceivable way of making friends, but it just doesn't seem to work for me and it has left me feeling so awful inside. I have so much to give.
I apologise for being a little bit vague and cryptic. I'm not ashamed of where I've ended up, that's just life, but I'm really terrified at the idea of someone being able to work out who I am and it spreading. That would just be the last thing I need. I'm also sorry it's rambling and disjointed. I just needed to let it out because I don't have anyone I can share it with.
Anyways, I'll keep on trying. That's why I've joined here. Looking forward to getting to know you all.
I came across your forum a few days ago and since then have been coming back every now and again to read a post or two. I've decided to try and join in myself rather than sit on the sidelines.
I am in my early 20s, at the point in my life that most people will look back on nostalgically. For me, it's a time in my life i would like be far, far removed from. Like many, my teenage years were horrific, but what is beginning to cut away at the last dregs of optimism and positivity I have in reserve is the fact that I don't seem to be moving from that phase. I'm an undergrad now and will be graduating in the not too distant future, but I don't have the social life or the friends or anything like that. I've tried everything, societies, teams... nothing seems to work. Everyone on my course already has their own friends; people are nice and friendly during classes, but then everyone scatters off to wherever. I spend most of my time now alone in my room starting creative writing pieces I never finish or trying to teach myself to use chalk and oil pastels. It would be a different story if I just shut myself up in my room from the very beginning and didn't make any effort, but the fact was I did the total opposite.
I have three "friends", two here and one elsewhere, but if I'm honest with myself, only one of them is a true, all-weather friend. He was in the same boat during our childhood, but he has landed on his feet where he is studying (he is the "elsewhere" one) and has never been happier. Friends, girlfriend, active social life, the works. He is more than happy to listen and try to help, but I get paranoid that he'll eventually get bored of it all and I'm scared of losing the only real friend I have in the world. The other two are great guys, but it's often a one-way deal. They're more like very good acquaintances. I had a girlfriend a few years ago which was a ray of sunshine in some awful times, but that all went south two years in when she broke up with me and it knocked what confidence I had down to below-zero. I've not had any kind of interest from girls since. I would love to have a girlfriend more than anything but it just isn't happening. I know I'm a good enough looking person, but its the lack of confidence that lets me down. I'm forever seeing happy couples and it just seems to make it worse.
I'm just so lonely, and I get upset because I know that such an important time in my young life is passing me by and nothing I have tried has helped me grasp it. My mother always tried to make me stay positive, and I do really try, but it has just gotten to the point where I want to give up. I always keep my head up no matter how I feel inside, I do things way out of my comfort zone to try and better myself, I do everything to try and make friends, I'm forever giving people second and third and fourth chances, but nothing still seems to work. I'm not stupid enough to think something's going to happen overnight, but I've been putting so much effort in for years and years now without any light at the end of the tunnel that it just wears me down.
I know I would be a good and loyal friend to anyone regardless of who or what they are, but I just haven't got the chance and it kills me because it feels like wasted potential. I've tried everything, every conceivable way of making friends, but it just doesn't seem to work for me and it has left me feeling so awful inside. I have so much to give.
I apologise for being a little bit vague and cryptic. I'm not ashamed of where I've ended up, that's just life, but I'm really terrified at the idea of someone being able to work out who I am and it spreading. That would just be the last thing I need. I'm also sorry it's rambling and disjointed. I just needed to let it out because I don't have anyone I can share it with.
Anyways, I'll keep on trying. That's why I've joined here. Looking forward to getting to know you all.
