Hidden

[Legato]

The only way of actually describing how I feel at the moment. Growing tired of numerous things in life;

• Putting 'that' smile on to pretend you're ok
• Sitting quietly in the background whilst 'friends' go on with their life
• Being nothing more than a name to people

I once told a girl how I felt about her to be told she sees me as a friend. Not because of being bad looking etc, but based on the fact i'm to friendly. Makes no sense to me. Are you not supposed to be nice to people these days?

I've noticed in order to be seen in todays world, you have to pretend to be something you're not in order to be noticed. If you're not hyper/loud person, you remain hidden.

If you're not the most attractive guy/gal in the world/the perfect body etc, you remain hidden.

Unless you're given a chance by people, these feats will remain hidden from the public eye, meaning whatever personality you have is kept to yourself.

I'm not good looking.
I'm not loud.
I'm not fake.
I'm not just Legato.

Rant over

 

[Tiina63]

I like this post as I can identify with it so much.
Putting on 'that' smile-how lonely and painful it is to have to pretend. Loneliness increases by the tenfold when you can't tell anyone about it.
Knowing that the quiet surface you show the world is hiding a multitude of thoughts and feelings which may be far more interesting and profound than anything the hyper/loud people say, but not knowing who to share them with or how to share them.
I would much prefer to sit and talk to someone like you rather than to a life and soul of the party type.

 

[zaphodity]

If it seems like their the life of the party its only because their happy and content with their lives, you on the other hand don't seem to be. Not all "life of the party" types are shallow and unable to think and express profound ideas, it's just maybe the ones you associate with are incapable of having any deeper thoughts than whats on sale at a clothing store or what shade of eye shadow to use.

Maybe you should start associating with people of a similar mindset to you, maybe you'd be more content. Those people are out there.

 

[sth]

Maybe you should start associating with people of a similar mindset to you, maybe you'd be more content. Those people are out there.

This sounds like a good idea. But easier said than done.

Hey Legato...I feel the same way. I am completely hidden.

 

[Vinan]

Your not alone with this feeling. Everyone in the world actually feels this way and identifys the standard of the life they want in others. Everyone thinks the party is somewhere else. The truth is the party in your life starts with you.

People pay attention to anything that catchs their eyes. Its easy just sit on the corner of a street where people past and play the flute. They will hear your wonderful melody everyone loves a wonderful melody. Thus you would then be the source of that wonderfulness.

Your not hidden it starts with you and from you. Many many great and good things can be done by you and made to happen by you. Its just up to you if you want to make it happen and give it a try. In the end when you look back on those amazing things you had done and achieved in the end you can tell your the one who is and can be it at any time. I hope this advice helps you all~

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I once told a girl how I felt about her to be told she sees me as a friend. Not because of being bad looking etc, but based on the fact i'm to friendly. Makes no sense to me. Are you not supposed to be nice to people these days?

Oh man, I know this one. I've never had a girl say that to me (never voiced my feelings), but it's just kind of this really weird thing. The nicer you are to some girls, the more they seem turned off. It's really depressing.

I seem to be considered asexual by all the girls around me. When they're talking about rude stuff or who they fancy, I'm not even included in the conversation

 

[Equinox]

It is a hard fact in life, but none the less true, that in order to be noticed, you have to provide the opportunity for others to see you. Sitting quietly in a corner isn't the way to get noticed. In order for people to see you, you've got to partake in things that are going on around them.

Take this forum, for instance. If you rarely or never post anything, nobody is going to start thinking "Hey, why isn't person X posting anything?" - because there are a LOT of members who rarely or never post. I will notice if someone who usually posts a lot suddenly stops, but that's just about it. It's not because I don't care at all; it's because my mind is so filled up with things that are happening, it doesn't think about the things that are not.

This thread is proof that you're not hidden. You're not invisible. If you actually speak up and say something, someone will reply. Maybe not the whole world, and maybe not immediately, but someone will. If that's not good enough, then so be it. I've spent a lot of my time just 'sitting around' waiting for someone to call me, text me or knock on my door and say "Hey, you seem like a nice person, even though I hardly hear from you; wanna talk?", and it just doesn't work that way. The moment I start reaching out to people, they answer, and I wonder why I don't do it more often (fear of rejection, but that's a different story). I don't mean to sound harsh; I just don't want others to repeat my mistakes, now that I'm finally starting to learn from them.

And about that girl ... That was one girl. You're bound to meet people you're interested in that doesn't feel the same way back. I've had feelings for friends a few times, and they never saw me as anything other than that. That doesn't mean every guy I ever meet will be the same. You need that chemistry; sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.

 

[Hoffy]

I totally feel how you feel. Why can't we just be liked for being ourselves. I am not fake nor the prettiest girl in the world, but I am honest and trustworthy and that gets me nowhere.

 

[Nolife Princess]

It is a hard fact in life, but none the less true, that in order to be noticed, you have to provide the opportunity for others to see you. Sitting quietly in a corner isn't the way to get noticed. In order for people to see you, you've got to partake in things that are going on around them.

Take this forum, for instance. If you rarely or never post anything, nobody is going to start thinking "Hey, why isn't person X posting anything?" - because there are a LOT of members who rarely or never post. I will notice if someone who usually posts a lot suddenly stops, but that's just about it. It's not because I don't care at all; it's because my mind is so filled up with things that are happening, it doesn't think about the things that are not.

This thread is proof that you're not hidden. You're not invisible. If you actually speak up and say something, someone will reply. Maybe not the whole world, and maybe not immediately, but someone will. If that's not good enough, then so be it. I've spent a lot of my time just 'sitting around' waiting for someone to call me, text me or knock on my door and say "Hey, you seem like a nice person, even though I hardly hear from you; wanna talk?", and it just doesn't work that way. The moment I start reaching out to people, they answer, and I wonder why I don't do it more often (fear of rejection, but that's a different story). I don't mean to sound harsh; I just don't want others to repeat my mistakes, now that I'm finally starting to learn from them.

And about that girl ... That was one girl. You're bound to meet people you're interested in that doesn't feel the same way back. I've had feelings for friends a few times, and they never saw me as anything other than that. That doesn't mean every guy I ever meet will be the same. You need that chemistry; sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.

Equinox,
You always seem to say/ know/feel the right things to say.
PPl may not always agree, nonetheless you are deep, sincere, and thoughtful.

And as for ppl who are the life of the party?
again, not all of these folks are shallow. and all ppl have beauty with in. and as said, YOU need to reach out. ppl will reach back.
You are not alone in your feelings... even folks who ARE the life of the party (Im a big mouth-and demand attention) are not always happy themselves.
for most part, smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside.

*hugs*

 

[roguewave]

I once told a girl how I felt about her to be told she sees me as a friend. Not because of being bad looking etc, but based on the fact i'm to friendly. Makes no sense to me. Are you not supposed to be nice to people these days?

Some guys have trouble getting a girl because she feels that he is a friend, or brother to her, like you are describing. Because of this, she can't imagine you as being a potential romantic partner.
You are doing the right things by being nice and respectful to girls but the most awesome guys do all this plus letting women know that they aren't "brother material" but lover material. Without being sleezy you have to say/do things that demonstrate to her that you are romantically interested.
I would imagine that you being more aggressive/dominant could help you out. Don't change your personality, and I'm not saying to be like "arrrghhhh" or anything but being more of a driving force. For example, instead of saying "where do you want to go for lunch?" say "there's this place ________ that I would like to take you to for lunch, I think you'll really like it." Instead of saying "can I help you with that?" say "here, let me get it."
Also, the proper eye contact and physical flirting may also help distinguish you between brother and lover. Women often flirt by gently/playfully touching the arm of a guy they like. Men can have great success with this as well. As long as you're not touching her in a sexual place and you're already friendly, you can do small things like hold eye contact a second longer and smile, put your hand on her upper arm for a second before you walk away at the close of an exchange, etc...
Someone else please come to my rescue on this one. I know there is so much more advice but I can't think of it right now!!!

---

I seem to be considered asexual by all the girls around me. When they're talking about rude stuff or who they fancy, I'm not even included in the conversation

This is what happens in a culture that has little to no understanding of sensuality and doesn't recognize sexuality unless it smacks them in the face.
People who aren't overtly or openly sexual are often thought to be prudish or asexual, when in reality their sexuality is just as prevalent as others, only more discreet, more nuanced.
I don't know the solution to getting people to realize that we are sexual beings, like most everyone else (save for actual asexuals of course). If I figure it out, I'll let you know

 

[SingleNow4ever]

I'm shy, polite, skinny, and almost always over looked in the crowd. But that doesn't stop me from dressing extremely nice and trendy every time I leave the house or go to work. It doesn't stop me from being courteous and considerate to others each and everyday. (and not just the nice ones, the mean ones to).

Yes I get over looked by the "cool" people who always get all the girls and all the hookups and seem to live life 110% better than my so called "boring" lifestyle. But I still act the same way and refuse to give in. I do this because I know that one day someone will find me. They will notice that I am at the back on the line because others pushed and walked all over me to get ahead. They will see me for what I really am. And that my friend will be worth the wait.

 

[kinzeUK]

I'm shy, polite, skinny, and almost always over looked in the crowd. But that doesn't stop me from dressing extremely nice and trendy every time I leave the house or go to work. It doesn't stop me from being courteous and considerate to others each and everyday. (and not just the nice ones, the mean ones to).

Yes I get over looked by the "cool" people who always get all the girls and all the hookups and seem to live life 110% better than my so called "boring" lifestyle. But I still act the same way and refuse to give in. I do this because I know that one day someone will find me. They will notice that I am at the back on the line because others pushed and walked all over me to get ahead. They will see me for what I really am. And that my friend will be worth the wait.

You sir, deserve all the happiness due your way. Especially with that attitude and mindset

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I seem to be considered asexual by all the girls around me. When they're talking about rude stuff or who they fancy, I'm not even included in the conversation

This is what happens in a culture that has little to no understanding of sensuality and doesn't recognize sexuality unless it smacks them in the face.
People who aren't overtly or openly sexual are often thought to be prudish or asexual, when in reality their sexuality is just as prevalent as others, only more discreet, more nuanced.
I don't know the solution to getting people to realize that we are sexual beings, like most everyone else (save for actual asexuals of course). If I figure it out, I'll let you know

I think you hit the nail right on the head here! I've flirted with a couple of girls online (years ago!) and had surprising success at the time, because I was far more sort of...risque and blatant than I usually am.

But it's really like people don't "get" sexuality in person unless someone is flashing their body or yelling about how much sex they're having

Last party I went to was a perfect example: a girl expressed interest in a guy by shoving herself against him and wiggling her rear about. Meanwhile, someone else was loudly dicussing a drunken encounter they had in a cupboard. I was just sitting on the sofa silently, feeling kind of fed up :shy:

It even mimics in the attention girls have shown me: practically nothing at all for ages, then suddenly a girl pushing her boobs against me and another one dumping her head into my lap! o_0

Whatever happened to subtle touches, flirty verbal gestures, smiles? Actually talking to people? Eye contact? Urgh!

It's kind of ironic that despite all the sexual experience these people have, they have all the tact of a sledgehammer when it comes to displaying it.

 

[roguewave]

Last party I went to was a perfect example: a girl expressed interest in a guy by shoving herself against him and wiggling her rear about.

Yeah, it's kind of like a trip to the zoo in Spring.