How do I have a breakdown?

[Fvantom]

I really need some help here, Ive been depressed for almost ten years now (Im 21, started around the time I was 12-13) growing up I had no friends, and no way to get my emotions out, so they all had to be bottled up, year upon year of pain, with no way of letting it out.

Ive realized that the only way to effectively get everything out is to have a full on breakdown (and with almost ten years of bottled up emotions, you know its gonna be a big one)
but theres one problem....I cant, from years of having to adapt to bottling everything up, Ive lost my ability to cry, which is honestly a curse I wouldnt wish upon my greatest enemy. Every little thing fills me with pain and the overwhelming desire to get it out but I cant seem to push myself over the edge, I feel like if I had someone to help pull it out of me Id be able to break down and be done with it, then I can finally start feeling better, but I have no such person to do that for me. If anyone can tell me how to induce a breakdown, I would appreciate that very much, just please....free me from this curse.

 

[Ak5]

I really need some help here, Ive been depressed for almost ten years now (Im 21, started around the time I was 12-13) growing up I had no friends, and no way to get my emotions out, so they all had to be bottled up, year upon year of pain, with no way of letting it out.

Ive realized that the only way to effectively get everything out is to have a full on breakdown (and with almost ten years of bottled up emotions, you know its gonna be a big one)
but theres one problem....I cant, from years of having to adapt to bottling everything up, Ive lost my ability to cry, which is honestly a curse I wouldnt wish upon my greatest enemy. Every little thing fills me with pain and the overwhelming desire to get it out but I cant seem to push myself over the edge, I feel like if I had someone to help pull it out of me Id be able to break down and be done with it, then I can finally start feeling better, but I have no such person to do that for me. If anyone can tell me how to induce a breakdown, I would appreciate that very much, just please....free me from this curse.

If you want, go some place secluded and curse obscenities at the top of your lungs, let it all out.

Now, in order to change you need to do some "soul-searching". You don't necessarily need a mental breakdown to change, you just need the will to change. Divert all your pain and suffering (which I understand completely, it hurts like hell), divert it all to changing yourself; to be more outgoing and confident.

 

[Fvantom]

its not so much that I need to make a complete change, I like who I am as a person, I just need more confidence and a little of that "idgaf" attitude that goes with it, problem is I jeed to let everything out before I start talking to people because right now, rejection would put far too much pain into whats already built up and that would be bad. what I need a breakdown for is just that its the only way I can get so much buildup out in my situation

 

[Ak5]

its not so much that I need to make a complete change, I like who I am as a person, I just need more confidence and a little of that "idgaf" attitude that goes with it, problem is I jeed to let everything out before I start talking to people because right now, rejection would put far too much pain into whats already built up and that would be bad. what I need a breakdown for is just that its the only way I can get so much buildup out in my situation

Continue letting everything off here? If you read my first posts/threads, you can see I'm all bottled up on emotions, ranting here definitely helped me.

PS: Thanks to everyone who listened to my ranting.

 

[Kat]

I don't think having a breakdown is the answer. You need to change how you deal with pain. Express it. Journal, listen to music, be artistic, etc. Talk to people. You can PM me if you want, I have had a similar experience that you've described here and I can probably relate. It may help you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think what you might be talking about, clinically, would be described as a flattened or blunt affect, which is a symptom of depression.

 

[In a lonely place]

I really need some help here, Ive been depressed for almost ten years now (Im 21, started around the time I was 12-13) growing up I had no friends, and no way to get my emotions out, so they all had to be bottled up, year upon year of pain, with no way of letting it out.

If anyone can tell me how to induce a breakdown, I would appreciate that very much, just please....free me from this curse.

It may not be much help, but I feel I had a very similar experience to you. It felt like a sort of build up of pressure inside me which I had no way to release. What happened to me was, eventually (at about 21) I just shut myself down, I withdrew from almost all kinds of activity which caused me stress, I spent months not leaving the sanctuary of my parents house.

I'm not recommending this as a solution because I lost any friends I had, I caused problems within my immediate family and of course I became unemployable.

I don't know your situation of course, but if you could just talk to someone, a stranger even, open your heart to them, talk about anything and everything, I would be willing to chat to you if you like. This is what started me on the road to recovery.

 

[Poguesy]

You can't make yourself have a breakdown.

They'll be something that comes along that will eventually cause you to snap.

 

[paulo]

right now youre holding everything in.
if you cant do that anymore youll break down and it all comes out.
you cant make that happen cause you want to.
it happens when you dont have the strength to hold it in anymore.

you could keep holding everything in till you snap.
or you could learn to let things out ones in a while.

id go for the 2nd option.
recovering from a breakdown is a *****.
learing to let things out in a "controlled" way is a lot healthier.

 

[BlueArtist]

Just don't do what I did, I punched a steel filling cabinet and now I still pay for it 3 weeks later.

 

[Ak5]

right now youre holding everything in.
if you cant do that anymore youll break down and it all comes out.
you cant make that happen cause you want to.
it happens when you dont have the strength to hold it in anymore.

you could keep holding everything in till you snap.
or you could learn to let things out ones in a while.

id go for the 2nd option.
recovering from a breakdown is a *****.
learing to let things out in a "controlled" way is a lot healthier.

Yep.

 

[Fvantom]

well of course, Ive been letting things out lately and it helps, and thats what Ill be doing frkm now on, but I still have many years of building that one cannot simply let out.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Then you have to learn to just let it go. Keeping years of stuff bottled up is no good, and there comes a point where there is nothing you can do about it. When you find yourself dwelling on those things, a good exercise is to stop, ask yourself is there anything you can do about it now? If the answer is no, then forget about it, let it go. There is no use dwelling on things you can't do anything about. Worry about the things you can do something about and can change. Or like someone else suggested, write it all down, get it all out, curse words and all. Then destroy it, burn it.

 

[Fvantom]

Then you have to learn to just let it go. Keeping years of stuff bottled up is no good, and there comes a point where there is nothing you can do about it. When you find yourself dwelling on those things, a good exercise is to stop, ask yourself is there anything you can do about it now? If the answer is no, then forget about it, let it go. There is no use dwelling on things you can't do anything about. Worry about the things you can do something about and can change. Or like someone else suggested, write it all down, get it all out, curse words and all. Then destroy it, burn it.

again, I can let the memories go, I already have with some of them, but I cant just pretend that the pain and emotional buildup doesnt exist because its very real.

 

[Ak5]

Honestly, letting it all boil up doesn't solve anything. Don't have a breakdown, let it all out in whatever form you can.

 

[In a lonely place]

((Hugs))

 

[Fvantom]

Honestly, letting it all boil up doesn't solve anything. Don't have a breakdown, let it all out in whatever form you can.

I know that now, which is why I get things out more, but when all this stuff was happening to me, I didnt, I let it all build up, and I have to break it down to be able to get it out.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Keep it on topic and please don't make posts that are intended to provoke or they may be deleted. Thanks in advance.

 

[kinzeUK]

[/quote]
It may not be much help, but I feel I had a very similar experience to you. It felt like a sort of build up of pressure inside me which I had no way to release. What happened to me was, eventually (at about 21) I just shut myself down, I withdrew from almost all kinds of activity which caused me stress, I spent months not leaving the sanctuary of my parents house.

I'm not recommending this as a solution because I lost any friends I had, I caused problems within my immediate family and of course I became unemployable.

I don't know your situation of course, but if you could just talk to someone, a stranger even, open your heart to them, talk about anything and everything, I would be willing to chat to you if you like. This is what started me on the road to recovery.

[/quote]

@In A Lonely Place - that is pretty much me to a tee except I'm a lot older (37)

Thanks for posting that reply. I just hope I can get the help I need before it's too late/things get any worse.

 

[HC22]

It seems like therapy would help you, a specialist could probably tell you what you could do to solve this emotional block to some extents.

PS : Have you ever tried to put your thoguhts down in words? I know that for someone it's really resolutive.
Try to write about what you feel, what you don't feel and why you believe this is happening .

I wish you the best of luck my friend! I hope you'll be able to deal with your emotions better soon !