How to be insensitive?

[M_also_lonely]

My mom says I am very sensitive. She calls me a male girl. And she is not wrong.
I am shy.
I cry often. (Dont say,men do cry, I know, but I cry much often)
I feel shy to take my own pictures too.
I feel down when my sisters laugh at my voice when I try to sing.
I feel like loser when people laugh at me when I try to dance.
I feel sad when people laugh at my voice when I speak on stage.
I cry when they beat my pet puppy and take it in a van and I can do nothing.
I want to cry when I see a poor kid in front of a restaurant i am in, looking at me...
I cry when girls at my college call me a kid.
I feel lonely.
And I dont want to be like that.

I dont want to feel. I want to become insensitive and a strong hearted person. I don't want to cry. and I dont want to feel bad ever.
How to do that?

 

[TheRealCallie]

What's wrong with being sensitive?

Lots of people don't like to have their pic taken.
If you feel bad about being laughed at, why do you continue to do it? However, with that said, just try to stop caring what other people think. If you enjoy singing and dancing, have fun and disregard anyone who doesn't like it.
You can't call the cops on the people who took your dog? That's horrible.
If you're sad about the kid looking at you outside the restaurant, why not buy him a little treat? There's nothing wrong with feeling sad about that, it's human.

You need some confidence in yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself, stop looking at every one of your flaws and find what you are good at. Find what you are happy with about yourself and run with it. Running from feelings won't do you any good because they will still be there when you stop living in the delusion, which you eventually will. Either that or you will become an insensitive ass that no one wants to have anything to do with. The choice is yours, but there's nothing wrong with feeling or crying.

 

[Mouse]

Callie speaks wise words.

 

[HoodedMonk]

You aren't a male girl. You are you.

You have a heart and that's beautiful.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't see anything wrong with being sensitive. It's in many people's nature to be sensitive. However, I don't see anything wrong with letting stuff roll off your back. Maybe this is easy for me to say because many things that should bother me just simply don't. Can't even say I ignore things, because I don't and I'm not dismissive. I pay careful attention to things. Most of it just doesn't bother me.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Then what about my classmates who consider me kid. Its not possible to ignore it when girls of your age think you are a child and date other guys of your same age.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Then what about my classmates who consider me kid. Its not possible to ignore it when girls of your age think you are a child and date other guys of your same age.

Personally, I think that has more to do with maturity than age. I think it can be hard to tell age, so they may be going by what they see and how old they think you act. Now, I'm not saying you're immature, don't get me wrong. Maybe sometime you are doing is not typical for people your age?
Or they could just be bitches. Have you considered laughing it off or saying something about it?

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Here is a point... the most sensitive person is the strongest person in the mind.. i kn of sm1 who cries for every lil thing i say (hurting/loving) but he is the person with the sharpest mind, kindest heaet, nost determined self, loving personality, gentlest words and lots of goodness who i ever met..

Being a man isnt bou being strong, being man is bou how much u are capable of understanding some1.. am sure u vl hv a great love life if u find the right partner.. being sensitive is very adorable in my opinion.. i like sensitive men.. very understanding.. sensitiveness can b rare in men.. believe m it is a gift. Dont u dare change wt u are born vt

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think Callie said a lot of good points already. Although we all do realise that it is easier said than done, but with the things Callie listed, I think you can try to tackle or work on one or two of the points mentioned at a time. Look, if you really wanna feel better about yourself in general, it's good to take some good advice and work on them.

Stop being so hard on yourself, stop looking at every one of your flaws and find what you are good at.

I want to add on to this point Callie stated. Stop looking at your flaws, stop insulting yourself and start being kinder to you and your own person. Don't expect anyone to do that, but you have to try and treat yourself right first. Which starts with not discouraging yourself with focusing on your flaws, without insulting yourself, without looking down upon yourself, instead, with your weaknesses you have identified, encourage yourself to do better or ask yourself, how can you improve in that particular area. Tell yourself good things or things that you like about yourself. Compliment yourself.

It's very easy to fall into the hole of negativity. I'm not saying that it's easy to do all these things I just said above, or what Callie said above. But at least, try. And not give up.

Or they could just be bitches.

They could be, most people can be so, in my experience.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Then what about my classmates who consider me kid. Its not possible to ignore it when girls of your age think you are a child and date other guys of your same age.

Personally, I think that has more to do with maturity than age. I think it can be hard to tell age, so they may be going by what they see and how old they think you act. Now, I'm not saying you're immature, don't get me wrong. Maybe sometime you are doing is not typical for people your age?
Or they could just be bitches. Have you considered laughing it off or saying something about it?

How to be mature?

 

[HoodedMonk]

Then what about my classmates who consider me kid. Its not possible to ignore it when girls of your age think you are a child and date other guys of your same age.

Personally, I think that has more to do with maturity than age. I think it can be hard to tell age, so they may be going by what they see and how old they think you act. Now, I'm not saying you're immature, don't get me wrong. Maybe sometime you are doing is not typical for people your age?
Or they could just be bitches. Have you considered laughing it off or saying something about it?

How to be mature?

I think having integrity is a start, and being responsible.

 

[Batman55]

I think having integrity is a start, and being responsible.

But, what about the OP suggests that others can tell--without even knowing him--that he lacks integrity or is irresponsible?

I used to get a bit of this treatment, too. I think there are *multiple* factors for it. For one thing I seem to have a youthful appearance as it is.. and people always guess my age as lower than it usually is. But I feel lucky that I haven't aged poorly.

Then the other issue is shyness and/or anxiety. This can translate to posture as well. For whatever reason these traits are associated with youth.. but also intelligence, so at least it's not ALL bad.

Another thing is dress. If you're not wearing stuff that the contemporary male is wearing, people will also associate this with youth. I've never understood, this, though. But it's absolutely true.

Some of these things you can change. So change what you can.

 

[h3donist]

I want to cry when I see a poor kid in front of a restaurant i am in, looking at me...

Anyone else read this and get an image of a Tiny Tim-esque Victorian street urchin in a flat cap or the homeless boy from Santa Clause The Movie in their minds?

Personally I like it when street urchins watch me eat my dinner through a window, it's the closest I'll ever get to cabaret

 

[lonelyfairy]

You aren't a male girl. You are you.

You have a heart and that's beautiful.

^ I agree with this one!

Sensitivity is a gift and a beautiful one.

 

[M_also_lonely]

You aren't a male girl. You are you.

You have a heart and that's beautiful.

^ I agree with this one!

Sensitivity is a gift and a beautiful one.

Ya....i knw how much true that is... These things are only considered good "ONLINE" and in books. Not in real life. You see, everybody says like you, you ask million people on internet, they will say the same thing as you."Sensitiveness is great" .

But I think these people or their kindness exists only Online, not in real life. A girl would post a huge post on "What a girls really look for in guys" or "Sensitiveness, the most precious gift" and other bullshit. But none of them would follow that in reality.

Because if they would, I would be the person with most friends.
And those who show off, and those have muscles but no brain and money but no heart would be posting here asking about ways to become sensitive or how to have a friend...

So please....

 

[h3donist]

You aren't a male girl. You are you.

You have a heart and that's beautiful.

^ I agree with this one!

Sensitivity is a gift and a beautiful one.

Ya....i knw how much true that is... These things are only considered good "ONLINE" and in books. Not in real life. You see, everybody says like you, you ask million people on internet, they will say the same thing as you."Sensitiveness is great" .

But I think these people or their kindness exists only Online, not in real life. A girl would post a huge post on "What a girls really look for in guys" or "Sensitiveness, the most precious gift" and other bullshit. But none of them would follow that in reality.

Because if they would, I would be the person with most friends.
And those who show off, and those have muscles but no brain and money but no heart would be posting here asking about ways to become sensitive or how to have a friend...

So please....

But LonelyFairy and HoodedMonk right...they may be "online" but they are still humans, with their own experiences and knowledge. You should listen to them.

And you know they're right too but of course that would mean realising that you have to stand on your own two feet and forge your own path in life rather than complaining on the internet about your classmates then soaking up the sympathy replies. That's the easy way, but not the right way...

I still want to know about the poor boy outside the restaurant and the puppy being taken by "men in a van". Why didn't you offer your food to the boy and did you call the cops and report your dog taken or do you live in an area where drive-by aggravated dognapping is commonplace? Why didn't they take you?

 

[M_also_lonely]

Whatever, you all may be right, but this kind of nature of me makes me cry almost daily. I want to be strong. I want to be able to fight for myself. I dont want to feel that I am always wrong in an argument.

I want to feel that I am important, because if I am not, what is the purpose of living. I want to experience that if I am not available, someone will miss me. I want to see how it feels when someone truly says, "I missed you" or "We missed you." I want to feel that I am worthy too. But there are so many people better than me that I have nothing to offer to anyone. Why would anyone ask me when they can get it from people better than me? Why would anyone appoint me when there are so many people standing in audition?
Why would I ever be someone's boyfriend when there are people who are smart, handsome, successful? If you say that it doesnt matter whether you are handsome, than why do people spend so much time in gym and girls tell me "You are not handsome, I wouldnt dance with you" during college functions?? Why don't they talk to me even when I try to talk to them politely? Why are they ashamed to be with me during class events?
Why am I the only who doesn't get invited to personal parties and cry about it? Where are those good natured people who you were telling me that they will come and you will be happy? Why dont they come? Will they come after everything will be over? Maybe I have those friends in future, but I will always regret that I was never invited to my school's farewell party. I will never know how it is to be at school farewell party. I want to have a girlfriend too, but why would anyone date me when they like handsome guys who dont cry, who are happy and are strong and are insensitive, rude, who cheat?? I cant even imagine someone being my girlfriend. If sensitivity is a gift, what do I do with it? Sit and cry?



And h3donist, yes I offered him food. Infact we sat on a bench and ate together. And they didnt take me because I am not a dog. And I cant report because they are from Municipality, the civil police.

 

[Sometimes]

The problem is, that you cannot depend upon the behaviour of others to make your life worthwhile. Other people's behaviour cannot be relied upon for this. Your own experience is telling you so. And it particularly doesn't work for like us (lonely people). At the core of it, you have to do this for yourself.

Personally, as soon as I was able to determine my own course in life, I have taken care to put myself in as few situations as possible where I have to look superficial rejection in the face. I try to avoid self punishment.

 

[Despicable Me]

Ya....i knw how much true that is... These things are only considered good "ONLINE" and in books. Not in real life. You see, everybody says like you, you ask million people on internet, they will say the same thing as you."Sensitiveness is great" .

But I think these people or their kindness exists only Online, not in real life. A girl would post a huge post on "What a girls really look for in guys" or "Sensitiveness, the most precious gift" and other bullshit. But none of them would follow that in reality.

Because if they would, I would be the person with most friends.
And those who show off, and those have muscles but no brain and money but no heart would be posting here asking about ways to become sensitive or how to have a friend...

So please....

I want people to read what M said here again.
The facts are very clear. He is absolutely right.

If sensitivity were really a trait that people wanted then people would be asking how to become sensitive. But absolutely no one does this.
In this world, the real one where we all live, sensitive people are always the ones asking the kind of questions that M asks here.

In real life it's probably true that none or few of you would even have any respect for someone who cries in front of you, or the like. Many of you would probably see him as weak and/or feel uncomfortable. The fact is just as M states, that 'sensitivity' is not respected between person to person. Logically speaking, anyone who says differently is just plain wrong, or just speaking for a very rare minority. Maybe you don't realize how wrong it is, but it's still wrong.

However, I don't want to dismiss the value of 'sensitivity' either. Those of you who are speaking about this as a good thing are doing so from your emotions, rather than from logic. It's what you want to be true, so you state it and suggest it is true.
That does give it value, because there are many people who feel that way.

So the real problem here is... What does someone do about a contradiction like this?

Whatever, you all may be right, but this kind of nature of me makes me cry almost daily. I want to be strong. I want to be able to fight for myself. I dont want to feel that I am always wrong in an argument.

I think the answer lies here.

It is alright to be sensitive. It is valued, and it is valuable, as people say.
However, it is not respected and this disrespect brings on fear of alienation and submission due to that fear.

The answer to the problem therefore seems to lie in courage and using this courage to obtain respect from others. Courage to not back down in an argument. To not feel as if one is always wrong. Courage to face others despite alienation and to do things they might not approve of because you believe in yourself and the things that you do. And sometimes that may even mean to cry in front of others and not at all fear what they might think of that.

It is good to 'feel' the effects of what you do, it is what makes someone human, but one must still learn to face down the world, to be brave, and to conquer their fears.
So, the solution is simple in concept and but also the hardest thing someone might ever do.
You must learn to accept and embrace your emotions, but at the same time reject all fear.

How to do that? Hmm...
M, you know you won't find that answer here. Do any of us here have any courage? If we did, would we still be lonely?
Ask someone who is brave how to find courage. Maybe they'll have an answer for you.

P.S. Come find me if you ever get that answer. I want to know, too.

 

[Sometimes]

DespicableMe, I can't say that I think you are wrong with respect to the issue of how the world treats sensitivity. What I can say, however, is that in my increasingly humble opinion, it is focusing in the wrong direction.

So much of what people cry over comes down to what is out of their control and will always be out of their control. Someone else's opinion of you, how someone reacts to you, whether they agree with you is out of your control. To base your life satisfaction on the behaviour of other people is very unstable. And how can you expect other people to tell you "the truth" when they hardly know who they are?

What do you want courage for? To stand strong where you stand? Great. To argue, shout, get people to stop arguing their point and accept yours? Not so great. To insist that you have a right to be the way you are and demand that everyone, or someone, simply like it, and meet you where you are? Didn't work for me.

Do any of us have courage? Absolutely. I know I do. I'm convinced lots of people here do.
Would we still be lonely? Apparently so. Courage and loneliness are not mutually exclusive.